I hope that you fab fellow bloggers,
Will excuse this attempt at a rant,
It’s just that I’m getting frustrated.
As I have the tech skills of a plant.
I started by clicking on WordPress,
And rattled out “Rhyming with Wine”.
Commenced on my blog expedition,
And I’m having a fabulous time!
The people I type to are awesome,
Just so many parents like me!
All sharing our Mum/Dad (mis)adventures,
With virtual cake, wine and tea.
But sometimes when doing my reading,
I find that I’m dealt a sharp blow,
As I find out another requirement,
That I just didn’t know I don’t know.
Example: I’m hosting a series
of fabulous rhyming guest posts,
There’s even a badge – which I’m proud of!
As I’m hardly the most skilled of hosts!?
So, Prabs of Ab.Prabulous nudged me,
And asked if I’d quite like to share,
A beautiful rhyme she had published,
“Of course!” I responded “Hell yeah!”
But then it got slightly alarming…
As we’d each have a post quite the same!?
The Google police might be summoned!!
To shut us both down??
Oh the shame!!!
I pondered this quandary for hours,
And sought out some answers on line,
I found scary words like “encryption”
And fought not to reach for the wine.
And slowly I reached my conclusion,
Frustrated and feeling quite tense,
That Google does not hold the answer,
As none of it makes any sense!
I figured the answer’s within me,
And I shall decide what is right.
It’s my fecking blog and my hobby!
I just don’t have time for this sh*te!
Prabs is a wonderful blogger,
I read all her stuff all the time,
She’s written a post as a mother,
And made it quite perfectly rhyme.
So why should I not bloody host it?
To placate some weird Googlebot?
“Ah fudge it!” We reasoned together,
“Let’s share it and give it a shot!”
But all of this raises the questions,
Why do I bother to care?
When did I get so obsessive?
And how did I get so aware?
Why am I fussed about rankings?
It’s no longer just what I write,
It’s all SEO now and MOZ scores,
I’m drowning in technical sh!te.
I’ve managed to move to self hosted,
I use the term losely it’s true,
I mostly just passed it to hubby,
And mimed what I’d like it to do.
I’ve faffed about installing plug ins,
We even tried Google Adsense!
Which made my site look like a boot sale,
And banked me a whole 19 pence.
I get that for some of you blogging,
Is not just a hobby, it pays,
And I take off my hat to you lovelies!
And your awesome professional ways.
But blogging for me is a pass time,
A passion to read, write and share.
So what then if Google gets arsey?
Why in the fudge do I care?
I’ll never be Number 1 Blogger,
Or hold a repectable score,
As all this I.T stuff eludes me,
I’m simply a tech dinosaur.
And so I shall try to step back now,
To pick up my pen and exhale,
To quit with this high level nonsense,
And accept the odd technical fail.
I think I’ll just stick to the writing,
And getting a few blog posts planned,
I’ll stop getting swept up in piffle,
And jargon I don’t understand.
This PA and DA malarkey,
Does nothing but mess with my head,
I’d rather just sit with a biro,
And make up more poems instead!
I love that I co-host a linky,
Please keep the posts coming our way,
Sharing the brilliant #bloglove
Is what makes me b’log on each day!
I’ve tried my best not to break twitter,
And so far I’ve managed just fine, Therefore I shall plod on regardless,
Until I break Rhyming with Wine.
So much as I truly love blogging,
The tech stuff sounds nice – but I’ll pass.
The #bloglove is all that’s important,
And Google can go kiss my ass!
Much #bloglove to the lovely Prabs of Absolutely Prabulous for inspiring this rhyme. I’m very excited to say that I’ll be sharing her amazing rhyme as a guest post very soon!
*Blows a raspberry at the Googlebots*
I’d also like to send virtual cake to the fabulous Mama of My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows for inviting me to co-host her #fartglitter linky with her. Not only does she do ALL the technical bits for me *more cake* but she also replied to my latest message about DA and PA with the words “What are they?” See now this is why we are friends!
Linking up with…