Hi. I am Dudley.
I’m Dudley The Dog.
I’m awarded with glee to your well behaved sprog.
I’ll be thrust in your face with a giddy, proud squeak,
As the teacher explains about “Star of The Week”.
You may find yourself torn between absolute pride,
And distrust for the guest that has thus been supplied.
As you peer in my bag and gasp “Ooh what’s in here?”
Through your faint gritted teeth but still sounding sincere.
“My holiday journal” you read with
dismay “utter excitement”
As you try to think what you have planned the next day.
This is the challenge. This is the measure.
To prove that your weekends are awesome.
Where the fudge you will take me is anyone’s guess,
But you’ll pick up the gauntlet with fierce-mum prowess.
You’ll embark on a quest to become Supermum,
And you’ll capture a weekend stuffed jam-packed with fun!
I might look all cuddly and fluffy and shy,
But observe that small mischievous glint in my eye:
As your Star Of The Week has a sister you see,
A sibling whom too wants a teddy like me!
She’ll try not to notice and seem not to care,
But develop and brand new compulsion to SHARE!
If HEEE gets a teddy then she wants one too!
I’ll be more in demand than a plate that is blue!
But you’ll drag me about from one joy to the next,
And convince your small boy I’M the toy he likes best.
I’ll pose and you’ll snap me wherever I’m placed,
“The Adventures of Dudley” Will thus be embraced.
No nursery parent shall doubt or refute!
(Though in truth I’ll spend most of my time in the boot.)
Then you’ll write up my weekend with humour and glee,
As you scroll through a squillion pictures of ME!
You’ll debate with your hubby and try not to shout,
As you work out who’s printing the sodding things out.
The book shall be finished.
The weekend is done.
You have played Superhost
And goddammit you’ve WON!
You’ll regale that I’m still in one piece and I’m fine,
And kick back with a well deserved chilled glass of
The Boy on the other-hand won’t be too fussed.
And will hand me back in seeming rather nonplussed.
He’ll forget that I’ve ever been over to stay.
But he’ll know he’s had quite a nice time anyway.