Hey. Frazzled parent. I’m talking to you. YOU: Stealth eating Smarties whilst hid in the loo. Yes you – that is always a teensy bit late, As you spin half the world and its chores on a plate. YOU: that scrolls Insta and lets out a sigh, Whilst secretly poking “#blessedmum” in the eye. You… Continue reading We Need To Talk About the Conditions of my Imprisonment …And Other Funny Parenting Stories
. “What day is it?” “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet. “My favorite day,” said Pooh. ― A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh People often ask me when I started writing poems, and the truth is I’ve written them for as long as I can remember. Before the blog my rhyming ramblings were written into cards as a… Continue reading All About The Happies for International Day of Happiness!
Dear Offspring. I love you. Of that there’s no doubt. But you’ve learned a new skill and it’s making me shout. Along with your new-found vocabulary, You’ve developed a yearning to need stuff – from me! I’ve always been there to attend to your needs, Through all of the teething and endless night feeds. But… Continue reading Ode to my Tiny Taskmasters…
If you ask any parent their idea of fun, It would most likely NOT be an icy school run. I peered through the window at seven this morning, The Arctic had landed. Without prior warning. The car was a snowball. The road looked like glass. The path had transformed to a treacherous pass. Not a… Continue reading A School Run On Ice.
One of the first ‘grown up’ poems I ever read as a child was Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy By Robert Frost. I was 9 years old and our teacher had set us all the challenge of learning it off by heart to recite in front of the class. It must have had… Continue reading Stopping By The House On A Mummy’s Evening. (A Parody.)
Dear Santa. At this time of year you’re quite a busy chap. And I’m sorry to disturb you from your almost year-long nap, It’s just that as a parent I’m afraid it seems to me, That things are somewhat lacking with your elf security. I would not dare suggest that your North Pole control is… Continue reading Dear Santa… (A Rhyme)
A parenting parody based on Julia Donaldson’s brilliant children’s book Day Monkey Night Monkey. The light shone bright at the playgroup, ‘I’m Right’ Mummy sat sipping tea. She tutted and growled as ‘My Way’ Mummy scowled, And thought ‘She should do it like me!’ My Way Mummy tried not to notice, That I’m Right Mummy… Continue reading ‘I’m Right’ Mummy, ‘My Way’ Mummy. A Parody.
This ghastly occurrence, did (Would you believe?) Unfold on that day we call All Hallows Eve… I’d decided to knock up a mean “zombie stew”, Which has all the same stuff in as chilli! Who knew? 😉 Now a good zombie stew contains beans, so of course I cut open a tin and then crushed… Continue reading The Zombie Stew, The Blood and The Biscuit Tin…
As October cusps into November, We embrace quite a sinister theme, And the world becomes peppered with pumpkins, For this day that we call Halloween. Not exactly a new fascination, It’s been kind of a regular gig. But I find myself sat here reflecting… “Just when did it get quite so BIG!?” Back in my… Continue reading Halloween – It Ain’t Like It Used To Be!
I’m very lucky to still be in touch with a group of my gorgeous school friends. These are friendships that have seen me through the roller-coaster of my twenties and thirties, and this next 9 or so months will see each of us celebrate a very special birthday. This one is dedicated to The Girls. … Continue reading Approaching 40: A Poem