family · Humour · Parenting · Poem · Rhyme

The Changing Room Incident…

Image shows a stripy beach towel with a purple toy whale grinning.

 

Those of you that have followed my blog for a while will know that we are slightly fanatical about our family holidays at Center Parcs. Each of their forest parks are a little piece of genuine parenting heaven.  If you have been you will know that the subtropical swimming paradise is incredible.  We particularly like to go in the early evening when it’s quieter.  The pool is lit with colourful lights and the whole place sparkles.  Even the outdoor lagoons are lined with twinkly lit trees as the warm steam lifts off the water against the crisp night sky.  Although for this particular story, the most interesting part happened after we got out of the pool…

*Warning – not for the faint hearted.

*Extra warning – probably not for anyone with a mature sense of humour.

 

…So the family went swimming, at night, in the stars.
It was splashy and wet. *Insert multiple blahs.*

The machine to be ‘human blow-dried’ was beheld.
We got out feeling damp and a touch underwhelmed.

And so into a cubicle all of us squeezed,
Still soggy and shivering, not entirely pleased,

When Miss Tot (bless her socks) felt the needs to pass wind.
She looked up at us.  Paused.  And then cheekily grinned…

As she let rip an outrageous cacophony.
Whilst beaming, both proudly and  triumphantly.

And the only description that quite cuts the mustard.
Is that of a wildebeest.
Trumping.
In custard.

Not a cute little fluff-bomb by anyone’s means,
But that of a cowboy. Fed mostly on beans.

We were gripped to the spot, quite unable to speak,
As the blast carried on for what felt like a week.

The silence that fell left me somewhat alarmed.
And concerned that my hearing had maybe been harmed?

But then just as I thought I’d entirely gone deaf,
I detected a snort by the door on my left.

I eyed up my tot as she grinned, pleased as punch,
And I thought “WTF did we give her for lunch?”

Then it dawned on me slowly – perhaps I’d get blamed?
So I blinked, cleared my throat, and then loudly exclaimed…

“Goodness me Little Tot!?”
“That was loud! Pardon you!”
I was slightly concerned she’d perhaps followed through…

When then all of a sudden her eyes filled with tears,
So I reached for her hand as I sought out her fears…

“I don’t smell like flowers” she wailed, mortified.
“I’m a stinky bum aren’t I?” She quietly cried.

But what could I do? You can’t take back a fart.
So I lovingly hugged her with all of my heart.

And we wandered outside in the cool evening dusk.
My tot, now deflated and merely a husk.

I reached out to the stars so unsure what to say.
But still keen to help out in my own little way.

I searched for some comforting words of advice.
A meaningful mantra of sorts to be nice,

And I said:

“Little Princess, there’s no need for shame.
We all do trumps sometimes, we’re all just the same.

And anyway sweetheart, it isn’t all bleak…

You won’t need to exhale now for close to a week!”

Image shows a pretty scattering of blue and lilac stars.

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85 thoughts on “The Changing Room Incident…

    1. I know. Bless her little self. Not embarrassed by the event at all. Just devastated at the lack of floral scent! 😁 Luckily she fully recovered within about 15 mins and was back to making trump noises at her brother. Charming. x

  1. Can so relate to this. I’ve got a dairy intolerance and boy can it make you fart! It’s good to tell her that it’s ok to fart. So many ladies tie themselves in knots trying not to let them out. It’s not good for us. Why do the boys get away with it if they give a cheeky grin? #dreamteam

  2. So brilliant! My little girl does this ALL THE TIME, then laughs hysterically – I’m sure she gets it from her father… πŸ˜‰ #DreamTeam

  3. Bless her!! Funnily enough a similar things happened at work this week; a child I care for looked as though she was trying for a poo in her nappy, and when I asked her if she was going, she immediately hung her head in shame and retreated to a corner. Myself and the other staff spent the next 10 minutes cheerily telling her about all of our own poo-scapades and how we all do poos and that’s just fine!! #DreamTeam

  4. Yet another rhyme that induced a genuine belly-laugh from me! And hard to do then mood I’ve been in recently. Your poor little love. But she’ll never see any of those folks again anyway – not that they could actually see her. I’m just glad she hadn’t ‘followed through’! #DreamTeam
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) recently posted…30 Days Blogging – Day 16: Me and my smartphoneMy Profile

    1. I know bless her. I don’t think she was actually bothered about the trump. More just that she didn’t smell of flowers any more? She got over it very quickly and is back to trumping and giggling at any opportunity. I’m pleased it shared a giggle for you lovely. Thanks 😊 x

  5. haha … bless her cotton socks. That is adorable.
    My step-daugther once did it at the most cramped Pizza Express you’d ever been in. My husband-to-be and I were so mortified he even attempted to scrape the chair on the tiled floor to imitate the sound as if that’s what it was. The elderly couple next to us were not fooled.
    #dreamteam

    1. I did start printing them at first but I think there are nearly 100 of them now? I’m running out of filing space. To be fair I’m not sure that she’d appreciate this one when she’s older anyway? I’m planning to delete it all together before she’s old enough to care. πŸ˜‰ Thanks Kristin x

  6. Hahahaha, priceless, poor little lamb πŸ™‚ Love the poetry. I remember bringing my 3 month old to my work in his Sunday best and as stood in front of my boss he, erm, did the most massive poo that was not only deafening in decibels but seeped out of his nappy up to his neck and onto my front as I had him facing my boss with jis back to me. It was so bad I had to get rid of some of his clothes, and of course the replacement outfit in the nappy bag was a plain, white babygrow he had overgrown by that stage. We walked out and some silly colleague blurted out a “ooh we need to ask mummy to buy us some new clothes now, don’t we?” If looks could kill πŸ˜‰ #dreamteam
    Joana at Mind The Mummy recently posted…The PenguinsMy Profile

  7. Oh how I love this Dawn! Genius! And coming from the states (United States of Vladimir Putin), I especially love that a fart is called a trump! It might not get better than that! πŸ™‚
    #DreamTeam
    BTW, my littles are away, so I will read this to them when they return at the end of the week. They too will love it, as our little, well she is a bit windy herself! M’wah!

  8. Sooo funny…bless your little one!
    We have been going to the Centre Parcs in Holland called de Kenpervennen for the last 15 years. Its fab so, if you love CP check this one out! Its awesome…..
    Enjoy!

    1. Hahaha oh thank you. I was a bit concerned that I had sunk to desperate levels when I started to write a poem about a fart. But you know sometimes they happen and that is life! πŸ˜‚ Thank you so much for your lovely lovely comment. Big bloggy hugs xx

    1. Aww thanks so much Laura. Sometimes it’s the most mundane (and gross) bits of parenthood that make us laugh the most isn’t it? Thanks for your comment – and you’re not late at all! (I’m just doing my commenting too haha) xx

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