I’m sorry to write you this rhyme,
And it’s breaking my heart but I think that it’s time.
The two of us met just a few weeks ago,
And it shames me to say that I let myself go.
You gave me new life, I discovered my elf,
And I ate all the goodies in spite of myself.
I ate all the turkey, the chocolate foundue,
Those warm Christmas cookies – I ate them up too.
I frolicked in Baileys and chomped all the cheese,
Those naughty Lindt truffles – you fabulous tease!
And with all of the wine that was slung down my throat,
I’m convinced that my innards were somehow afloat?
But I heated mince pies with meticulous grace
Then I lovingly stuffed them all into my face.
And with frenzied abandon I cared not who saw,
As although I was sated I still wanted more!
And Dear Christmas, I loved it, But see, here’s the thing.
This whole big affair was for me, just a fling.
I know it may seem we were perfectly matched,
But I’m starting to feel that you’ve got quite attached?
I’ve noticed you seem to be hanging around,
And you’re clinging on desperately pound after pound.
I glance in the mirror and there you are placed,
Holding on for dear life to my hips and my waist.
I don’t want to be hurtful or callous or cruel,
And I’m not trying to take you for some kind of fool,
But no more sugar coating – It’s not you it’s me.
I’m just not in the market for mon”hog”amy
And I’m trying to spring into Jan as you do,
But the fact is dear Christmas I’m dragging you too!
And it’s been an adventure but frankly my friend,
It is time this liaison was brought to an end.
I want to go back to the girl from before,
And not have to inhale just to get through a door.
And I do quite like brocolli, I know it seems strange,
But I’m scared that my scales might have shot out of range.
So: To all of the things that I’ve happened to trough:
It was nice to have had you,
But please bugger off!
… And also: