Christmas · Humour · Rhyme

Dear Christmas…

Image shows hot chocolate and Christmas cookies

Dear Christmas.

I’m sorry to write you this rhyme,
And it’s breaking my heart but I think that it’s time.

The two of us met just a few weeks ago,
And it shames me to say that I let myself go.

You gave me new life, I discovered my elf,
And I ate all the goodies in spite of myself.

I ate all the turkey, the chocolate foundue,
Those warm Christmas cookies – I ate them up too.

I frolicked in Baileys and chomped all the cheese,
Those naughty Lindt truffles – you fabulous tease!

And with all of the wine that was slung down my throat,
I’m convinced that my innards were somehow afloat?

But I heated mince pies with meticulous grace
Then I lovingly stuffed them all into my face.

And with frenzied abandon I cared not who saw,
As although I was sated I still wanted more!

And Dear Christmas, I loved it, But see, here’s the thing.
This whole big affair was for me, just a fling.

I know it may seem we were perfectly matched,
But I’m starting to feel that you’ve got quite attached?

I’ve noticed you seem to be hanging around,
And you’re clinging on desperately pound after pound.

I glance in the mirror and there you are placed,
Holding on for dear life to my hips and my waist.

I don’t want to be hurtful or callous or cruel,
And I’m not trying to take you for some kind of fool,

But no more sugar coating – It’s not you it’s me.
I’m just not in the market for mon”hog”amy

And I’m trying to spring into Jan as you do,
But the fact is dear Christmas I’m dragging you too!

And it’s been an adventure but frankly my friend,
It is time this liaison was brought to an end.

I want to go back to the girl from before,
And not have to inhale just to get through a door.

And I do quite like brocolli, I know it seems strange,
But I’m scared that my scales might have shot out of range.

So: To all of the things that I’ve happened to trough:

It was nice to have had you,

But please bugger off!

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110 thoughts on “Dear Christmas…

  1. This is so funny- I know exactly how you feel: Christmas seems to be hanging around my person too!! But I don’t regret the 5 chocolate want as and 4 boxes of chocolates or the 8 roast dinners within 10 days. I don’t regret that at all…!! Hehe xxx

  2. Haha love this, I’m feeling exactly the same. The baby weight I managed to shift has all piled back on thanks to Christmas! I have still got a cupboard full of biscuits and chocolate to eat so there’s no point doing any dieting until that’s gone, looks like Christmas is going to be hanging around for a bit longer here xx #dreamteam
    Wendy recently posted…My 2017 blogging goals and looking back on 2016My Profile

    1. I’ve had to hide all the boxes of unopened biscuits and chocs in the garage. I’m quite good if things aren’t opened but once they are I have the willpower of a carrot! There’s no hope for me! Enjoy lovely. Happy New Year xx

  3. Hee hee I polished off the last piece of Christmas cake off last night (washed down with a large glass of Merlot!) but there’s still SO MUCH STUFF. I’m quite happy to nibble my way through it until at least early Spring though, just in time for the Easter eggs πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ #dreamteam
    Mess and Merlot recently posted…Lean in 15 (years!)My Profile

  4. lol, oh gosh that is classic! So funny, I don’t know how you do it so brilliantly! I just got back from a night in the city with hubby and we totally over indulged, in 3 weeks I have to get into a bathing suit when I go away with my 3 very slim, very tall, best friends!!!! I totally need to stop eating so much lol
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Habits to adopt for a happier 2017My Profile

    1. I feel your pain. I had to wear a swimming costume on New Years Day. I’m sure it was definitely riding a bit further up my bum than is actually considered decent due to all the Christmas! 😳 Hope you had a fab time away lovely! X

  5. So funny and true, although this year I have eaten very little thanks to being germ ridden. So looking forward to more rhymes in 2017, they never cease to bring a smile to my face. Thank you so much #DreamTeam xxx
    Lisa recently posted…TangledMy Profile

    1. Have to admit I’m not a big Christmas fan.
      You’re Rhyme did make me chuckle but hasn’t persuaded me to be Buddy the Elf next year!

      I do love a mince pie or six! I’m the only one that eats them in my house. Result!!
      We had a hairy moment when Little Miss OMG looked like she might like them. Thankfully she didn’t.

      Thanks for linking up to #wineandboobs
      Alan Herbert recently posted…Candid Cuddles #1My Profile

    1. I adore it and I’m already looking forward to the next one – but I think I actually prefer the looking forward to it more than the actual event? Once it’s done it needs to go forth and take my wobbly bits with it! πŸ˜‚ Thank you x

    1. I’m so fickle in that I cling onto it frantically between Christmas and New Year but once it’s the 2nd Jan it needs to be gone immediately! Good luck taking them all down this weekend. I found a little bit of leftover Baileys helped! πŸ™‚ x

  6. I’m totally with you here! So we still have a barrel of Celebrations on the go, a whole cupboard of snacks and more biscuits than I care to admit. It’s like Christmas is refusing to leave gah! Lovely poem as always – thank you for co-hosting #dreamteam with Annette and I xx
    Bridie By The Sea recently posted…Where Is Home To You?My Profile

    1. That’s the only thing with Christmas isn’t it? We always buy too much of everything just to make sure that we have a full selection at all times, and so we end up ploughing through the remains for weeks! Still it makes January more fun! 😊 Thank you for having me to co-host with you! It’s fab to be part of your #DreamTeam xx

  7. You are so stinkin’ clever, I can hardly stand it! I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who doesn’t feel the same. I have tucked my scales underneath a table in such a way that it will take REAL effort to free it. I also just realized last night when I went to put another bottle of wine into my wine fridge that THERE ARE NO MORE BOTTLES. What the hell? I bought Lord-knows-how-many magnums and they are ALL gone? I’d like to think that it was due to the company that we had, but in my heart of hearts, I know it was me.

    Personally (and this is TERRIBLE), I can always take comfort in knowing that I can go out any old day of the week and I WILL spot a woman who has a fatter ass than me….guaranteed! πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the giggles! #DreamTeam
    Carolina Twin Mom / Mary Peterson recently posted…Advice for the β€œAccumulation Nation” ~ Time to Declutter Your Kitchen!!!My Profile

    1. Hahaha I love it! I’ve been trying my hardest to break my scales but the bloody things are defying all of my attempts and insist on telling me that all of the mince pies have indeed moved onto my ass and taken up permanent residence! Bleughh! Thank you for your fab comment – really made me smile! Xx

  8. Absolutely hilarious as always! I indulged far too much over Christmas but you just can’t say no! Or at least I can’t anyway. #DreamTeam

    1. Oh my word what a lovely thing to read? I’ve just pointed this in my hubby’s face i’m THAT proud of it. I haven’t, but would blimmin love to … If I thought for one second I could convince them that I know what the fudge I’m actually doing? So much bloglove and actual love back at you. Thank you. x

    1. Aw thank you for popping by lovely. My hubby’s parents have just hosted a post Christmas dinner for the family which has helped clear out the last of their goodies. We’ve still got loads so we might have to host a post post Christmas feast! πŸ˜‚ xx

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