CHEERS! · Guest Post · Motherhood · Poem

Farewell to my Cleavage – A Guest Post by Words & Rhyme

Welcome to another fabulous #Cheers series guest post.  #Cheers is where I like to showcase the rhyming talents of some of the very best and loveliest bloggers in bloggerland, and this week I am proud to share with you a cracker from the very talented Michelle of Words & Rhyme blog.

Michelle shares her experiences and observations as a full time working mum, short stories, and posts about fashion and fitness.  I instantly connected with her work as she also shares the most brilliant rhymes and poems like I Have a Little Sidekick and the fantastic What People Fail to Mention About a New Baby.  If you haven’t come across her blog already please do pop by and show her some #bloggerlove!  For now I will hand you over to the star herself with an instant classic that I fear a lot of us will reluctantly be nodding along with….

Image shows a black and white photo of a cleavage in a lace bra

Farewell to my cleavage.

Farewell to my cleavage, farewell to my tits,

I’m really going to miss you, you were one of my favourite bits.

You didn’t have a long shelf life, not arriving till my late teens,

Apparently a satisfying handful, but not big enough to feature in magazines.

A prominent focal point, of any new first date,

My first boyfriend once remarked, he was gutted they’d pitched up late.

At school there were challenges of pertness; Who’s were the best?

Now never mind the pencil, I wouldn’t pass the pencil case test.

My friends they took the mick, of my Triumph boulder holder,

Embarrassed at the time now I wish I’d been much bolder.

Oh for those Uni days, when people talked to my chest,

If only I still had a cleavage to flaunt in a low cut vest!

Now it’s only a bacon bap, that commands the same male attention,

Maybe it’s time to consider, some uplifting medical intervention.

After my first child two sizes slipped, I was full of woe,

My husband didn’t get it, how would he feel if an inch of his privates was to go?

I remember talk of empty pillows, the horror of spaniels ears.

A concept now becoming, a very realistic, imminent fear.

Running didn’t help the cause, despite a proper supportive running bra,

It seems training for a marathon, pushed their limited elasticity too far.

So now that talk of any more children, has been firmly put to bed,

I’m looking at myself to see what’s left of my favourite part instead.

The damage has been done, the effects of two children far too clear,

I’m regularly having nightmares, about that poor old spaniel’s ear.

And when I finally pluck up the courage to get measured, to hear the nitty gritty,

The lady pops her tape measure in her pocket, and looks at me with pity.

So farewell to my cleavage, farewell to my rack,

Without some serious financial backing, they are never coming back.

So before you have kids get them out, flaunt them for everyone to see,

Because it’s depressing when your former E cup, settles as a B.

 

A little bit more about the blogger behind the brilliant rhymes:

 

Mum to 2 cheeky sidekicks, Zoe 4 and Roux 1.  Working in media world. On the side commissioned to write poems and a not yet published (but hopefully one day) picture book writer. Running around like a loon trying to pack in as much else as I can in between. 

 

You can find and follow Michelle here:

 

Instagram: @wordsandrhyme

 

Thanks so much for letting me share your work Michelle!  It’s a pleasure to feature it for you as part of the #Cheers series.

Help yourself to the #Cheers series badge if you fancy:

 

Rhyming with Wine

 

If you are also a rhyming blogger – whether new to rhyming or a seasoned poet, and would like me to share one of your posts as part of my new CHEERS! Rhyming Series, please get in touch.

I’d love to hear from you!

Dawn

x

 

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30 thoughts on “Farewell to my Cleavage – A Guest Post by Words & Rhyme

  1. Ha, this is fab! I’m just coming to the end of breastfeeding, so they are no longer as perky as they were. I’ve put off having them measured as I’m not sure I want to hear how bad they are…I can’t wait for my next baby to get me some lift back (even if it is temporary!) Fab post! #MarvMondays
    Abi – Something About Baby recently posted…Times to Treasure – Week 8My Profile

  2. Reading up on breastfeeding
    They tell you your boobs will be fine;
    That having a baby won’t change them,
    That they’ll bounce back to normal in time

    “Breast is best!” they holler,
    And whilst this is probably true
    Your baby will be fully nourished
    But wave goodbye to the Old You!

    Spaniel’s ears and stretch marks;
    Extra skin and weight;
    Your boobs will NEVER be the same
    As they were on that first date

    So roll them up and tuck them in,
    Or boost with a chicken fillet;
    Be proud you fed your baby, now buy a nice new bra
    Even if there ain’t much to fill it!

    Xx

  3. This is absolutely hilarious, I am sat here laughing out loud! My boobs grew from a D to a J cup during pregnancy and then shrivelled right back up to a small C. I’m actually really self conscious of them, as much as this poem made me laugh it can really affect your body image cant it? I’m not brave enough to undergo surgery and there wont be any more babies so I can only hope there is a miracle non-surgical cure invented!! #dreamteam
    five little doves recently posted…After school club featuring The UnNatural MotherMy Profile

    1. Wow a J cup must have been something special? I went up to a DD which was like a dream for me as I’m more of a B cup generally. Ah well. I can see how a dramatic change could really effect the way a Mum sees herself though. If you find a non surgical option please let me know! Thanks for reading x

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