If you find yourself seeking the wisdom of Flop,
When devoid of solutions and facing a strop.
If you give it your best just to shrug and not mind,
When you’re out for a walk and your tot lags behind.
If you really do wish you could giggle and sing,
But just sometimes my lovely, It IS a big thing!!
If sheer panic kicks in with one single word: “Wee!”
If you daydream at length about drinking HOT tea.
If the eating of biscuits is highly covert,
And if endless advice makes your teeth start to hurt.
If there’s no thing that has not been cleaned with a wipe.
Whether people or objects – regardless of type.
If your makeup is dusty and house is a tip,
And you’d offer a limb in exchange for a kip.
If you cannot sit still without starting to snore,
If you’ve lost all respect for your own pelvic floor.
If your body is knackered and falling apart,
If you no longer flinch at the eau de child fart.
If your pockets are no longer safe to explore,
And contain an array of chewed things from the floor.
If you cannot get ready in less than 3 hours,
And suspect those that can must possess occult powers.
If you’re fed up of channeling “Mummy the B*tch”.
If the mere thought of ‘paint’ makes your eye start to twitch.
If your idea of torture is hearing your name.
Again and again and again and again.
If you’re no longer sure who in God’s name you are,
And a trip to the dentist now feels like a spa.
If the concept of brocolli is naught but a farce.
If you’re teaching a person to wipe their own a*se.
If the Lord Iggle Piggle comes forth as a sign,
That there soon shall be Netflix, perhaps even wine?
If you’re up to your eyebrows in snot, puke and sh*te…
Hi five lovely mummy – you’re doing it right! 😘
This post originally featured on the fabulous Meet Other Mums blog page, for whom I am proud to be a regular blogger.