family · Humour · Motherhood · Parenting · Poem · Rhyme · Toddler

If only my parenting was a little more “Flop”?

Image shows a cartoon knitted soft toy. The character Flop from the children's show "Bing".
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If you find yourself seeking the wisdom of Flop,
When devoid of solutions and facing a strop.

If you give it your best just to shrug and not mind,
When you’re out for a walk and your tot lags behind.

If you really do wish you could giggle and sing,
But just sometimes my lovely, It IS a big thing!!

If sheer panic kicks in with one single word: “Wee!”
If you daydream at length about drinking HOT tea.

If the eating of biscuits is highly covert,
And if endless advice makes your teeth start to hurt.

If there’s no thing that has not been cleaned with a wipe.
Whether people or objects – regardless of type.

If your makeup is dusty and house is a tip,
And you’d offer a limb in exchange for a kip.

If you cannot sit still without starting to snore,
If you’ve lost all respect for your own pelvic floor.

If your body is knackered and falling apart,
If you no longer flinch at the eau de child fart.

If your pockets are no longer safe to explore,
And contain an array of chewed things from the floor.

If you cannot get ready in less than 3 hours,
And suspect those that can must possess occult powers.

If you’re fed up of channeling “Mummy the B*tch”.
If the mere thought of ‘paint’ makes your eye start to twitch.

If your idea of torture is hearing your name.
Again and again and again and again.

If you’re no longer sure who in God’s name you are,
And a trip to the dentist now feels like a spa.

If the concept of brocolli is naught but a farce.
If you’re teaching a person to wipe their own a*se.

If the Lord Iggle Piggle comes forth as a sign,
That there soon shall be Netflix, perhaps even wine?

If you’re up to your eyebrows in snot, puke and sh*te…

Hi five lovely mummy – you’re doing it right! 😘


This post originally featured on the fabulous Meet Other Mums blog page, for whom I am proud to be a regular blogger.
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36 thoughts on “If only my parenting was a little more “Flop”?

  1. Hi Dawn, how I’m so glad those days are behind me! Although I still dream of hot tea and am not too keen on putting my hands in my pockets – some old habits die hard!

    Thank you for the giggle.

    Debbie recently posted…A Wasp SpiderMy Profile

  2. Ok, the last line totally made me cry…! We are having a terrible day here at TML HQ, and I was starting to think that I’ve done it ALL wrong, and am actually the worlds most incompetent mother. But now I feel like I’ve just had a glass of wine with a friend, who has told me that if that’s the case, we are all crap, and we should just drink through it!! Thanks for cheering me up on this quite miserable of days…! Xx
    This Mum’s Life recently posted…How Not To Do A Spin ClassMy Profile

    1. Absolutely cheers to that lovely! I’m so pleased to think that my words have shared a little smile on one of those “WTF” days of Motherhood. If you are doing it wrong I promise that I’m doing it wrong with you but we’re doing our best at it so quite frankly we deserve cake. Big bloggy hugs xxx

    1. I’m really not sure? The whole size thing concerns me slightly as he’s half Bing’s size. The logistics of the episode where he changes Charlie’s nappy just baffle me. I mean how does he even get him out of his pushchair for starters? (Possibly watched it once too often). πŸ˜‰ x

    1. I insist that you find Flop on the t’interweb. He’s from the CBeebies show Bing and it’s quite compulsive once you start watching. You might want to bite him though once you’ve heard “it’s no big thing” 72 times while the errant toddler bunny rampages around causing carnage. Enjoy! πŸ˜‰ x

  3. Hehe, brilliant, yet again! I’m going to the dentist this weekend. I’ve been told to take the 2yo with me to get him ‘used to it’. Yeah, thanks Health Visitor, I feel a dentist blog is on the horizon! #ablogginggoodtime
    Harriet recently posted…MonstersaurusMy Profile

    1. Bahahaha. I like to watch my dentist run about frantically trying to entertain my tots by blowing up rubber gloves and crushing plastic cups while I sit in the big comfy chair and watch. I figure it’s pay back for all of the hurts. πŸ˜‰ Good luck hon and thank you! Xx

  4. Flop is so calm isn’t he! I am having a totally meh day today…sick, tech issues, need flop to come and make me a lemsip! Xx
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub with this lovely little bit of camaraderie xxx

  5. Oh wow Bing Bunny is a permanent fixture in our house and I often wonder how Flop keeps his cool. The other day we got home from the shops and couldn’t park outside the house…it started torrentially raining and Emma begun wailing in the back. I thought, should I put the shopping in house, then come back for her, or vice versa. I thought…what would Flop do? He seems to have it all figured out haha. Brilliant post lovely, thank you for linking up with #dreamteam
    Bridie By The Sea recently posted…6 Months of Blogging: Goals & PrioritiesMy Profile

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