family · Humour · Parenting · Rhyme · Toddler

The “Into Everything” phase….

My tots were born just two years (less four days) apart, and for a while things were a bit, erm, tricky shall we say? Β If only I had a pound (or a cake, or some wine,) for every time I was offered that classic quote: “You’ll need to have eyes in the back of your head”…

I find that I’m frequently offered advice.
From well-meaning people – all ever so nice.

Regarding my tot who has now reached “that” age,
That “getting his paws into everything” stage.

With a smug wise little smile it is lovingly said:
That I’ll “need to get eyes in the back of my head!

“Aw thanks!” I respond. That’s such a great tip!
“I’ll get some from Boots on my next shopping trip!” *impressed face*

But if I could buy some (between you and me),
I’m not all that sure that I’d like what I see?

So yes, I would know which tot had thatΒ toy first,
Before it became a huge ‘IT’S MINE!’ outburst.

No longer would fingers get trapped in the door,
Or Play-Doh be stamped into carpeted floor.

I’d catch that launched yogurt before it went splat!
With Supermum reflexes – quick as a cat!

I’d see how my Tot somehow climbed from the floor,
And ended up stood in my cutlery drawer? #truestory

My lipsticks would never be squished out of shape,
And books might not need quite so much sticky tape.

But even four eyes still would not be enough,
To stop The Tot licking all manner of stuff!?

And yes, I would see him eye up the loo brush,
And firmly say “No!” – even shout at a push?

But unless I can reach him at lightening pace.
It won’t stop him smushing it into his face!

I could watch like an eagle, observe all day long,
But I think my advisors are getting it wrong.

My distinct lack of eyes is a shoddy excuse,
As having more eyes wouldn’t be of much use.

The more eyes I have the more hands I would need!
The lack of which gets rather tricky indeed!

And while extra hands would be truly sublime,
They’re still little use with the same lack of time!

And thus, with my two eyes, I’ll just shrug and sigh.
and maybe let some of the small stuff go by?

As without extra limbs and more hours a day,
A couple more eyes aren’t much use anyway.

So no offence thanks but I’ll give them a miss,
As ignorance can be a little bit…

…bliss!

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This post originally featured on the fabulous Meet Other Mums blog page, for whom I am proud to be a regular blogger.

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105 thoughts on “The “Into Everything” phase….

  1. I love it. There are always smug people ready to offer advice aka smug ‘thank god it isn’t me anymore’ statements! Well done on all the Co hosting…. When do you find the time?? Xxx

    1. Thank you hun. It was a bit manic for two weeks as I was doing #fartglitter and #passthesauce but I had plenty of notice so I prepared quite a lot before and just had a couple of late nights doing the comments. It was actually really good fun, although I think ones enough on a permanent basis! πŸ˜‰ x

  2. Haha, so good and so true! I think we could have octopus-like limbs and we still wouldn’t manage to keep them from getting anything and everything in their mouths. I’d have all 8 eyes turned away for a split second and in that split second he’d be licking dog poo or something. [facepalm emoji] #fartglitter

    1. Haha exactly! Unless you can just stand and state at them 24 hours a day they’re pretty much going to fry up to “stuff” the second you turn your back. Best to let them get some practice at “stuff” in so that they can be confident at it I say. Probably safer that way πŸ˜‰ Thanks hun x

    1. Aah. Because shopping trolleys are renowned for their fabulous taste and standards of hygiene! I caught The Boy sticking his plastic spade into our little (manky) water feature thing in the garden and then licking it? I mean seriously? Is he trying to contract legionnaires disease? Just gross! πŸ˜‰ X

    1. The frustrating thing is that I’ve even heard these clichΓ©s coming out of my own mouth at times? Like an involuntary action? I just can’t help it, even though I know how annoying they are! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚ x

  3. Can totally hear that fake cackle I get when the ‘well-meaners’ inform me my daugher is a live wire…snigger, snigger, snigger. Well, thanks for that Einstein! Yep; my life and home is constantly in chaos. Ah well…nice to know I’m not the only one! #FartGlitter
    Mummy Muckups (Anna) recently posted…WHAT MUM REALLY WANTSMy Profile

    1. You are definitely not alone and I am clearly in good company! I say “Act shocked” next time you’re told this. Just stop and silently stare at them all intense and bewildered. I dare you. Don’t speak and see how long it takes them to change the subject and run off! πŸ˜‰ They’ll learn haha. Thank Anna x

  4. The amount of things I have not seen or been too lazy to move, I have lost count! hehe. My daughter fell of a chair yesterday whilst I slightly moved to the left to put a yoghurt pot in the bin. You need not only eyes but more arms to catch!! Thanks for hosting and great post as always xx
    Sarah Howe recently posted…Oh BABY!!My Profile

  5. The Popple has just learned to toddle and is starting to get into stuff already. Taking her to the store has become really stressful because if I turn my back for a second, she’s off pulling anything she can find off the shelves. She pretty much destroyed a display of toothbrushes in Morrisons this weekend. #fartglitter
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…A few of my favourite thingsMy Profile

    1. Shopping is just the hardest isn’t it? I mean how are you supposed to actually look at the shelves without taking your eyes off your little one (which inevitably leaves them free to create carnage!) Online is the only way for me! Thanks for commenting x

  6. TM can’t move much yet other than rolling so he can’t do too much damage but everybody is already like ‘just you wait’. Letting the small stuff go by is the only way I think, I had a minor heart attack as I thought he’d managed to eat some paper the other day and then I figured it’s not gonna kill him even if he did! Great post as always, love it. #fartglitter
    Ellen recently posted…Unexpected habitsMy Profile

  7. I love when other people give me (unsolicited) advice! Isn’t it great how they think they know more about our children than we do?! I love how you make sense out of the fact that having more eyes still won’t stop a toddler from getting into things. You would also need lightning fast speed and reflexes, super strength and even then, those little buggers will still give us the slip, LOL! Thanks so much for hosting #fartglitter
    Michelle recently posted…Changes are Happening!My Profile

  8. My kids are getting older so I thankfully seem to get less well meaning advice! Love a poem but LOVE a funny one, and you’re bang on point, a bit of ignorance is defo bliss and advisable! #fartglitter, cool to be linking up with you guys x

  9. A wonderful blog yet again. As you well know I cannot turn my back for a moment. Currently Mr 1 has got Playdoh, whilst Mr 2 is battering his toy microwave with a stop go sign. I’d love to have a snooze but I’d wake up to find crayon over the wall and cornflakes all over the kitchen floor πŸ™ˆ I’ll just wait for bedtime. Gem (aka Colleyswobbles) #fartglitter
    Gemma (Mrs Wobbles) recently posted…Beauty in to BeastMy Profile

  10. Into everything; stressful but fun!
    Why walk carefully when I can just RUN!

    Ooh, what’s that? And this? And those?
    These are my fingers! These are my toes!

    What does that taste like? Yum, yes, more!
    Don’t give a hoot how long it’s been on the floor!

    What would happen if I jumped off there?
    What would happen if I put this in my hair?

    Beware mummy, if you haven’t heard a peep;
    I’m up to mischief, not fast asleep!

    But how would I ever learn what I shouldn’t do,
    If you grew extra eyes and told me what I couldn’t do?

    Yes, my safety is a priority,
    But so is my curiosity!

    So when the Experts give advice,
    Two fingers up should suffice!

    Teehee, #fartglitter πŸ˜‰

    1. I LOVE IT!!! This is one of the best comments I’ve ever received and if I could share comments I would! I can however share rhymes from fabulous talented bloggers! (Hint hint). Fancy doing a guest post? I’d love to feature you! Thanks so much hun x

    1. He’s obsessed. Drives me potty. Every single time I try and get a shower do I end up running across the house naked with shampoo in my eyes trying to get the loo brush out of his hands / mouth. It’s a joy! πŸ˜‰

  11. I am one stranger’s advice from punching someone in the face! I wish people wouldn’t get involved haha!

    This is my favourite line:
    My lipsticks would never be squished out of shape,
    And books might not need quite so much sticky tape.

    But I read it as boobs! I had an image of your boobs being so saggy that they needed loads of sticky tape to wrestle them into a bra!

    1. I think you might have actually met me! In fact I’m now kicking myself for not putting boobs in the first place! πŸ˜‚ I’d love to see you just casually dot someone one next time they spout some nice helpful one liner. Fantastic. Thanks for the giggle x

  12. And I thought it was annoying getting the same old advice about being pregnant (normally from people who have never been pregnant) but it looks like it never ends! Sounds like there have been some funny incidents in your house! Brilliant post as ever! x #FartGlitter

    1. Yep the advice definitely seems to keep coming…. The cutlery drawer incident definitely had me Flapping about a bit. The little treasure has worked out that chairs can be climbed upon, and can be dragged to stuff that requires inspection. It’s fun! πŸ˜‰ Thanks hun x

  13. haha! This is brilliant! you’re right, nothing helps, it will always be chaos no matter how many eyes, hands, feet etc.. but do you know what? sometimes chaos is ok! πŸ™‚ #fartglitter
    Laughing Mum recently posted…Mission(ary) ImpossibleMy Profile

  14. Oh my gosh Dawn, I just snorted tea out my nose. Your rhymes should come with a warning. That is so funny! *Rushes off to tell everyone to look*. What a brilliant way of thinking, totally agree that 4 eyes would require more arms. Another corker… there really is no end to your talent. x

    Looking forward to the next one. #Fartglitter
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#DreamTeam Linky Week 3My Profile

  15. Amazing poem as always! Are you sure it wasn’t written about my two?! Dangermouse’s favourite thing is trying to hang off the oven door…and I’m already regretting the trampoline with ladder for ‘self sufficiency’…
    #Passthesauce
    MMT recently posted…Toddler High TeaMy Profile

    1. I know what you mean. It’s like a rite of passage to be able to pass on the parenting gospel to someone that is a newer parent than ourselves. I’m as guilty as the next person! I love a bit of advice… but I disagree that all of my problems would be solved with just two extra eyes haha. I’m with you on everything up high! I’m just struggling slightly now that the little one has worked out that chairs can be pushed all around the kitchen floor and then climbed upon. We’re having to advance to a whole new level of high at the moment! Thanks for commenting Heidi x

    1. Ah yes I remember the rolling phase. They seem to be able to roll to the most dangerous spot in the house in seconds don’t they? I’ll see if they have any offers on extra pairs while I’m at Boots and pick you some up πŸ˜‰ x

    1. I know what is it with loo brushes?? Bleughh! I have to leave the shower every few mins to retrieve it from the little one running about the bedrooms with it clutched to him like a prize? Just weird! Thank you lovely x

  16. What do you mean Mummy?
    What is that word?
    I know this is yummy
    And not a dog turd
    Why you say NO?
    Whatever I do?
    Oh wait, it’s not good, have I eaten a POO?

    Nearly happened. Filthy children! #chucklemums

    1. Hahaha – I love that you’ve thought and you’ve taken the time, to write me a comment in fabulous rhyme! It’s lovely to know that the traumas of poo,
      Are not only me!
      You’ve witnessed it too!
      Thanks lovely!! πŸ™‚ xx

    1. I think we’re quite lucky in that his big sister was even more “inquisitive” so there is very little in our house that hasn’t been explored and then subsequently baby proofed (proactive parenting at its best haha). The cutlery drawer was definitely unchartered territory though. I’d moved the knives to the back out of little hands’ reach, but hadn’t really envisaged feet ending up in there? Meh. Thanks for reading. Virtual high five and good luck with Little Miss OMG!

    1. Thanks so much for having me at #candidcuddles Becky. I think this is more of an anti-quote but thanks for letting me sneak it in there anyway! I definitely think more hands and possibly an extra brain might be more useful right now. One function and a spare to fill with irrelevant facts about Paw Patrol. And biscuits. πŸ˜‰ xx

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