family · Humour · Motherhood · Parenting · Rhyme

To the “Lovely” People that Package Toys:

September is birthday month for our two tots. They were both lucky enough to receive lots of amazing presents, and we had a fantastic time watching them excitedly open all of their shiny new toys *coughs*.  So I thought it might be nice to dedicate a little poem about our experiences to the wonderful and very clever people that design toy packaging.

As most parents will probably know, it went a little bit like this:

So they run at the gifts and destroy all the wrap.
Then I peer in the boxes and mutter “Oh crap!”

The volume of packaging makes me quite scared.
As I thought that I’d got this?
Completely prepared?

A screwdriver, scissors, a bin-bag and knife,
A sizeable sacrificed chunk of my life.

But what sort of hell made of cardboard is this?
Is it some kind of test?
Are they taking the mickey?

A twenty piece toy set, each tied into place.
Hope drains from my soul as my palm hits my face.

Image shows a cardboard box with lots of wires and a large pair of scissors

Are these robust defences entirely required?
Have the toy store security staff all been fired?

Are the criminal masterminds prowling the shelves?
Seeking dinosaur footwear and pink plastic elves?

Still, I tug, yank and wrestle to do what I can.
With all of the weapons and tools known to man.

I wasn’t aware that I’d need a degree,
To get each of the plasticky buggers set free!?

Image shows a plastic toy car wired onto a piece of cardboard

My blood pressure soars as I pick up my pace.
“Cheered” on by the kids as they scream in my face.

It can hardly escape!?
It’s a plastic toy car!
It’s distinct lack of engine won’t let it get far!

I am up to my eyebrows in cardboard and wire,
Yelling “BURN ALL THE CABLE TIES! BURN THEM WITH FIRE!”

Image of a toy car with a cheeky smile

I frantically struggle, but not fast enough,
The tots are now bored and stalk off in a huff.

Each seeking out new entertainment instead,
One now demands raisins.
One climbs on my head.

With a huge burst of gusto I rip the toy free,
Then collapse with exhaustion and drop to one knee.

I tremble and shake as my hands slowly lift,
And I offer the anticipated new gift….

The toy has been snatched, so I pause to exhale.

“Mummy it’s broken!” I hear a tot wail.

A vacuous hole in the toy meets my eye,
So I cross all my fingers and pray to the sky:

With all of these batteries at least one must fit?

Image shows a worktop covered in different sized batteries

The label says 10 needed.
“J” size.
Oh bugger.

So the toy is discarded with nonchalant bliss.

As they grab for the next box.

“Here Mum – Open this…”

 

Dedicated with love and thanks to all of you toy manufacturers.  Please feel free to pop by our house on Christmas morning this year.  The kids would both be delighted to scream in your face whilst you leisurely unpack their gifts for them.  

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94 thoughts on “To the “Lovely” People that Package Toys:

  1. Hi Dawn, well said! My husband just had to open a pair of headphones (for himself) and what a state he got into! I wouldn’t even dare take a photo.

    I love it when making an order on Amazon and they actually offer frustration free packaging. Like, why would we want any other type? Life can be challenging enough without having frustrating packaging to deal with… I hope they had fab birthdays!

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…A Letter To All Those Ba****dsMy Profile

  2. LOVE! This is one of my absolute hates, there’s just no need for it! having to remember to take a screwdriver when we go to the in laws on christmas day!! #marvmondays

  3. I was thinking the exact same thing. When I naively buy my little one a toy car to hold as a bribe for all kinds of shopping trips, and he asks for me to open it, I know I’m never equipped, it’s such a god damn pain!!

    Emily – Babiesandbeauty #marvmondays
    Emily recently posted…Cleaning With A BabyMy Profile

  4. Ha ha, love this. Before my daughters birthday this year I actually decided to unpackage and insert batteries into as many as I could before I wrapped them, I felt like my hands were bleeding by the end! When did it all become so complicated? Is there some kind of industry wide competition to see who can create the most indestructible packaging?
    #MarvMondays
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…Words To Live By #3: Find The FunMy Profile

    1. If only the blimmin toys were as hardy as the packaging? It’s impossible to get into, but then give the tots 5 mins with the toy and they’ve usually destroyed it! Maybe we just ought to let them play with the packaging? Might last them a bit longer? Thanks Alana x

  5. There’s always too much packaging with toys and sometimes the packaging is quite sharp! I’ve cut myself on those plastic edges!! I think it’s a rule that all toys that need batteries come with them too. It’s very frustrating and things get discarded when they don’t. #MarvMondays
    Kat recently posted…Does My Zodiac Sign Fit? – Blogtober16My Profile

    1. I got lulled into the false sense of security that all toys now come with batteries – I was very very wrong! You’re right about how sharp some of the packaging is too. On a toy for a child it’s just not appropriate. Thanks lovely x

  6. Aha I love it! TM’s first birthday is next month and I’m going to be cursing packaging along with the best of them. My sister’s at Christmas time always say ‘grandad/ uncle *insert unsuspecting family member name here* will help you get Buzz Lightyear/Barbie/the Furby out… sneaky, right?! #chucklemums
    Ellen recently posted…A rude awakeningMy Profile

    1. Oh I aways remember them. I just forget to check what size I need so buy a shed load of the wrong size. Highly effective as it gives me more to rummage through whilst trying to find the one that I don’t have that will fit. 😉 Thanks Suzanne x

  7. Ha, love this! Couldn’t agree more. I really don’t understand why toys have to be packaged in such a frustrating way. It’s like the toy companies say ‘How difficult can we make it?!’ Last Christmas we unpacked a few things and just tied a ribbon on so he had something to play with while we opened other stuff. Oh the joys! #MarvMondays

  8. Ha ha, this is brilliant and spot on! It’s like the toy manufacturers have brought shares in the company that makes pieces of string & little black bits that are stuck down with the most stickiest cellotape ever!! #MarvMondays

  9. Hahaha this oh so true! I hate toy packaging, there is no reason for everything to be tied in so tightly and there’s nothing more annoying than getting a toy free from its cage only to realise it need batteries!xx #coolmumclub

  10. Oh Dawn, how you’ve nailed it again and again,
    I concur entirely; don’t you just love it when,
    you open the toy and then squeal with glee,
    a clever contraption, one twist and it’s free!
    How times have changed, we must get a life,
    Oh hang on we swapped it for Mum-slave-wife 😉

    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xx
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 42My Profile

    1. You did me a rhyme! I heart it so much I could squeak!! Yes, my priorities and frustrations have definitely changed over the years. I guess this is the epitome of a first world problem 😂 Thanks for your frankly outstanding comment and for being a superstar hostess as always! I’ll be over to enjoy my #coolmumclub reading asap when I’m done with work. 😉 xx

  11. You are absolutely right, of course. They make it far too difficult. There should surely be some cake or at lest a biscuit wrapped up in there for the poor grown up to find half way through the unwrapping, which would reinvigorate you for the task ahead. And then of course, sometimes the bloody toy makes such an annoying sound/song that you wish you had never bothered!
    x Alice
    #chucklemums

    1. Nope. Me neither. Every blimmin time I complain about it but then I do naff all about it as though the problem will just magically have resolved itself next time. I suppose we could always just leave the kids to gnaw their way through the packaging? Possibly? No? Maybe not then… Thanks for hosting #chucklemums x

  12. Hahaha, brilliant. I’m not sure which is worse out of the complicated cable tied toys, or the vacuum packed solidly-sealed-at-the-edges packaging you need to attack with a brand new pair of scissors… I swear they just do it for fun. #momsterslink

  13. Amazing song!!! So funny and accurate. In securing the toys they actually introduce 1001 child-hazards to your home. I know one day that one of those momentarily unobserved cable ties will go in a mouth…. Once they’re done at yours for Christmas Day, can you send them round to mine?! #CoolMumClub
    Angela Watling recently posted…I really love being a mummyMy Profile

  14. Oh yes the pain of the toy packaging! I dread it and unlike you I am not always armed, trying to kid myself that I will be able to undo the toys with teeth and nails and then having to admit defeat and getting the scissors from the kitchen.

    The worst ones for me are dolls like Barbies where the hair is meshed into a piece of plastic, absolute nightmare!

    I’ll be another one looking forward to Christmas! Brilliant poetry, you’re so clever!

    #bigpinklink

  15. I had to go to the Newsagents three times on Christmas Day last year. THREE TIMES. When I should have been guzzling Bucks Fizz and ignoring everyone in the kitchen!! Thanks for linking up to #chucklemums

  16. Yes, yes and yes! We had the same thing with Little Buttons birthday. It took all of us to open up the packaging and for a second I thought she was going to abandon ship altogether with her pressies. Another spectacular rhyme, love it 😄 Thanks for linking up to the #dreamteam xx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#DreamTeam Linky 25My Profile

  17. This is so true. We have even encountered toys manufactured with threaded holes that are for plastic screws that secure it to the packaging. I don’t remember needing a srewdriver to unwrap my toys as a kid. #BlogCrush

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