Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

Ode to being Perpetually Late…

You know that mum that stands in line at school quite perfectly?
The one that’s there in loads of time? Yeah that one:

That’s not me!

I try my best each single day to make it there with ease.
I’m out of bed at 6am precisely thank-you-please!?

I start each day composed and calm and perky – like Snow White,
Make Weetabix or Porridge, sing with blue-birds, all that shizzle.

But somehow inexplicably, the hands jump on the clock!?
It leaps from 6 to 8.15 and sends me into shock!

Of course this is a cue for frantic shouting, and much panic,
The sudden need to motivate the tots tips into manic.

I chase them both back up the stairs whilst yelling “Brush your teeth!
One bounces on her bed a bit.
The other hides beneath. *rolls eyes*

Toothpaste is deployed in what has now become a race.
The Boy gets bored with brushing and applies it to his face.

Uniform on now!” I yell, directed at The Girl.
Miss Tot however’s busy with a sudden need to “twirl”.

The Boy’s PJs are off but now before we can resume,
He’s off completing naked laps? Ten times around the room!

I answer fifteen questions whilst I try not to get stressed.
Each answer punctuated with a full stop of “GET DRESSED!!”

“I’m not sure which would win between a hippo and a cow?”
“Yes. Get dressed.”
“No. Get dressed.”
“Maybe. Get dressed NOW!

Then down the stairs, the door’s in sight!
….The small one needs a Poo!
Then suddenly he’s STARVING!
Then he loses his left shoe…

…So close and yet so far away, that post-run cup of tea!
Once more all chance of “early” slips away elusively.

So here’s to you late mummas as we slide in through the gate,
We parents who are doomed to be perpetually late.

We mummas who acknowledge with a knowing sideways glance,
We’ve made it in one piece, although perhaps a bit by chance.

You proudly punctual parents.
I’m not sure we can be friends.

Unless of course you’re sharing cake?
In which case… It depends. πŸ˜‰

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27 thoughts on “Ode to being Perpetually Late…

  1. Described so perfectly… no matter how prepared… how early out of bed… I could probably still be late if I camped out on the doorstep πŸ˜‚
    Amazingly accurate and full of wit as always! xxx

  2. Yes of COURSE we can be friends Dawn! I am the Ying to your Yang, and I’ll always arrange our cake dates half an hour earlier than I intend to show up πŸ˜‰
    I have actually made great leaps in my cursed punctuality and have now got the school run down to a fine art – 7 minutes exactly in what I used to give 30 minutes. I still hate being late, I just hate being cold more!
    So lovely to see you at #coolmumclub, glad to see you got here on time πŸ˜‰ x

    1. Ahh you know me so well! πŸ˜‰ Although to be fair I don’t think I’ve ever been late for a cake? I must admit that last week I made a particular effort to get to school 10 mins early each day and it was like an epiphany! I was gobsmacked at how the other half live! πŸ˜‚ It’s so lovely to be here at #coolmumclub! Thanks for hosting MMT. Cake n hugs xxx

  3. Excellent! I am always the late one! Time just disappears doesn’t it… and it seems like the more i have the quicker it goes…

    And congratulations, someone loved this post so much they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! feel free to collect your ‘I’ve been featured’ blog badge πŸ™‚

  4. β€œI’m not sure which would win between a hippo and a cow?”
    My favourite part plus the I need a poo. How do you always manage to nail it Dawn? Brilliant ⭐

  5. This is spot on. Honestly no matter what time I’m out of bed, you can bet your life on it that the baby will poo 3 times back to back just as we are about to leave and make us all late. My girls even roll their eyes now and say ‘mummy we are always late!’ #dreamteam

  6. I’m afraid I’m a punctual mum! I have set the clock in the kitchen ahead so they always think they’re a bit late and speed up. This week Zach has been sooooooo slow eating breakfast and he has been still at the table 5 minutes before we have to leave! Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging this week

    1. I love that trick Laura! Although I have to admit that despite setting all of our clocks to be about 5 mins fast I just seem to mentally adjust it in my head so we’re still late. πŸ™ˆ I was always so punctual before children! What has happened to me! πŸ˜­πŸ˜‰ xx

  7. Haha, this is brilliant. I always used to pride myself on being on time. But jeepers, since the kids have arrived it’s a push! And I am forever looking disheveled πŸ™‚ Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging. Loved reading this!

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