Dear Offspring. I love you. Of that there’s no doubt.
But you’ve learned a new skill and it’s making me shout.
Along with your new-found vocabulary,
You’ve developed a yearning to need stuff – from me!
I’ve always been there to attend to your needs,
Through all of the teething and endless night feeds.
But now, with the gift of your gorgeous new voice,
Comes volume, demanding, decisions and choice!
Example: For breakfast it’s porridge or toast.
I give you the choice of which one you’d like most.
“Cocoa pops!” “Pancakes!” “A yogurt!” you yell.
“Some raisins!” “A Bagel!” “Blue Smarties as well…!”
You’ve NEVER had lollies at 7am,
But it won’t stop you asking – again and again!
We come home from school, and not yet through the door,
You’re already listing an errand or four.
“I want you to play!”
“This urgent school project needs doing TODAY!”
I race back and forwards, my face turning puce,
I’ve still got my coat on whilst serving you juice!
The second the weight is removed from my feet,
Or my bum seeks the peace of a lavatory seat.
It instantly triggers your reflex of need.
And that thing that you want needs providing at speed!
A small glass of water might be your desire,
But “Urgently!” “Now Mum!” Like something’s on fire!?
I watch you both making up things to call out,
Like you do me a favour each time that you shout?
I’m sure you’re just randomly thinking up stuff,
But I’m calling it now kids – enough is enough!
You work it with cute, and might stretch to polite,
But dictating with dimples is still not alright!
You think you’re entitled, because you’ve said “peeeaase”.
But keep it real kiddos – I’m down on my knees!
Just stop bloody wanting stuff all of the time!
If there’s wants to be had then believe me THEY’RE MINE!
– A decent night’s sleep and a hot cup of tea.
-A trip to the toilet in solitary!
-To have you get dressed just as soon as it’s said.
-And not have you answer “But Mummy…” instead!
-To simply say “shoes” and your shoes to go on,
-For “ONE…TWO…THREE…” countdowns to nail it on “ONE“!
-A hassle-free school run would be kind of great,
-With no need for yelling “We’re going to be late!“
But I don’t just stand there demanding from you!!
….Oh wait. Just a second.
….. Maybe I do?
The apple does not fall too far from the tree.
Monkey see, monkey do – apparently?
I don’t call out snacks. (Though I secretly would!)
My manners are generally thought to be good?
But the things I demand must seem random to you,
As I yell ‘HURRY UP!” With my face turning blue.
I think there’s a lesson for me here somewhere.
A pattern to challenge perhaps, if I dare?
So maybe it’s time that we called this a truce.
You put your shoes on.
I’ll get the juice.
I’ll try to Mum-up with a bit more respect,
And suck up my own mantra:
“I want” doesn’t get!