Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

Once upon a time, I cleaned the house…..

I actually did all my house work today!!

“So bloody what?” You’re entitled to say.

The fact of the matter though, I’ll have you know,
is I had both my toddler and boddler in tow.

I’d put off the task for as long as I could. (Perhaps a bit longer than maybe I should?)

I flicked on CBeebies and tiptoed away,
And hoped that “The Clangers” might get them to stay.

I opened the dishwasher door for the pots,
when suddenly galloping in came my tots.

In climbs the tiny one splashing with joy,
sat in the drawer of his dishwasher “toy”.

Which makes it quite tricky to get the pots done,
when you have to keep stopping to drag out your son!?

His sister, was thrilled and unnervingly keen,
insistent on helping her mummy “do clean.”

I tried to disguise any signs of despair,
As they both scurried off squirting Pledge in the air.

I tackled the floors as I moved room to room,
While they both, in a frenzy, grabbed onto the broom.

(An epic adventure it truly must be?
To forage for raisins beneath the settee?)

I cleaned one french door while Miss Tot and her brother,
obligingly snotted and smeared up the other.

I entered the shower, to clean. (As you do).
Delighted to help, both the tots climbed in too!

I gave my best efforts to cleaning the tray.
(Not easy with two tiny bums in the way!)

Then changed them both back into clothes that were dry.
And wiped the shampoo out of Mstr Tot’s eye.

My quest now completed I survey my land,
but notice it’s not quite as clean as I’d planned?

A mountain of tat is still strewn ‘cross the floor.
Already new snot marks are there on the door.

So why have I bothered to tackle this chore?
When everything still looks the same as before?

From now on this house shall be “Housework exempt.”
My sparse store of calories (*coughs) can be far better spent!

This futile attempt was a huge waste of time.
So I’ve figured it out and erected a sign,

which says:

“All ye who enter do so of free will,
But don’t be surprised if this house makes you ill.

Two forces of nature are dwelt here within,
Their natural habitat that of a bin.

Though you may have to wade through a deluge of toys.
Your presence is welcome and brings us great joys.

Although if you’re a guest that likes things to be clean?
I suggest you return once they’ve both turned 18.”

……. Who else wants one? :0)

Final profile pic

Happy to link up with:

Run Jump Scrap!
My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
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89 thoughts on “Once upon a time, I cleaned the house…..

  1. Lol at least your tots try to help mine just just go and trash every room I’ve cleaned within seconds of me walking out of it. Sometimes they have the cheek to do this while I’m still trying to clean the room.xx

      1. Lol I’m gonna go with definitely frowned upon. However the image I’m imagining is pretty funny.xx

  2. Is there no end to your talent? Seriously, you can rhyme about anything. You should have been a rapper 😉

    I give up on the housework these days. I religiously used to do it once a week. Now its more like once a month or if I Know we’re having lots of visitors. I do hoover though – about 4 times a day!

    1. Oh goodness that’s some impressive hoovering! Hubby is in charge of floors and lawns and so it would be fair to say that ours is not done quite so often… *coughs and changes subject* ;0)

      ….. I could be a rapper!!?? Why did this never occurr to me? Awesome! I’m off to think up my rapper name immediately.

      Thank you for reading and your always very kind comments xx

  3. Brilliant! My kids do let me clean now but they have absolutely no respect for cleanliness or tidying. I can neglect it for so long then all of a sudden I can’t bear to be in my house! #justanotherlinky

    1. I have considered just moving house every few weeks as it might possibly be easier? My standards have definitely slipped since having the tots but there’s only so much I can allow before my eye starts to twitch… Thank you for reading. x #justanotherlinky

    1. Thank you :0) I’m pretty restricted to having to try and do it while they’re with me which is a bit of a nightmare, but in a weird way I think they kind of enjoy it? (*convinces self*) I’m not sure I could manage it with twins though – totally with you on that one. 😉 Thanks for reading x #justanotherlinky

  4. Loved this especially the last line! I still reckon will be a mess when they 18 if my brother was anything to go by! Haha! Put your feet up Hun and chill xx #justanotherlinky

  5. Hee hee love it and very true, always lovely to know I am not alone with my house that’s always a bit of a mess #justanotherlinky

    1. Beautiful! At least a wipe is involved. My little sweethearts would likely bypass the wipe altogether and just wipe their noses on the furniture. Bleughh! Thank you for reading (and sharing in my pain haha). Xx

  6. Absolutely brilliant poem! I so enjoyed reading it – and yes, cleaning is a futile process. The place is messed up in minutes & it’s impossible to get cleaning done, it can take days lol My house could badly do with cleaning but I keep putting it off 😉 #JustAnotherLinky x

  7. Such a great rhyme,
    about your tot’s grime.

    I too have neglected to clean,
    I can’t remember how long it’s been.

    So I too am a quitter!
    #FartGlitter

    1. Thank you for your comments and for giving me your time,
      It’s kind of you to visit me, here at “Rhyming with wine”.

      To thank you for your kindness I shall search for you on Twitter.
      Respect to you my poet friend…..
      …. You’ve rhymed stuff with #fartglitter!!!

      High five, and possibly a chest bump for your fab comment. Thank you! :0) x

  8. Love this! Another fab poem! You are just fab!

    This is all so true, I do wonder why I bother to clean (it’s todays job!) when as soon as the kids and mister come home it will be a mess again! It is never ending!

    #fartglitter

    Gemma xx

  9. Oh, I did like this. I think the amount of mess and dirt created from turning your back in order to clean makes it utterly pointless. I run the hoover round when the crumbs and dog hair start to look on the verge of taking over, wash the dishes and put laundry on but that’s about it!

  10. Brill! We don’t attempt any cleaning when our tot is conscious. Which means not a lot of cleaning gets done ever. Thank heavens for our cleaner who comes once a week and saves us from total squalor. Will miss her dearly when we move and can no longer afford one!
    Thanks so much for linking up with #fartglitter x

    1. I would love love love a cleaner! Perhaps if I neglect the house for long enough The Hubby might get Mr one?? Or Santa might? (More likely). Thanks for reading and hosting! :0)
      #fartglitter x

  11. Oh what a fabulous poem. You’ve captured the monotonous task of cleaning with kids in a lovely way.

    I’m guilty of putting Henry in his Jumperoo infront of CBeebies to get things done. I dread the day he outgrows it.

    #BestandWorst @peonieandme x

  12. Came here via #justanotherlinky, so glad to have found your site – what a breath of fresh air and what a great poem! Favourite line “Not easy with two tiny bums in the way!”

  13. This is a fabulous poem. Eating cake is indeed far more inportant than cleaning house. I hate to tell you this though, but 18year olds are every bit as messy as toddlers!!
    Thanks for linking up #abitofeverything

    1. *gasps* Noooooo!!! Surely not?? I have a countdown and everything. That’s it. I’m off to eat cake (surrounded by a big pile of shattered illusions haha).

      Thank you for hosting #abitofeverything xx

  14. Oh I just love this so much!! I really enjoy waiting for you to link up so I can read your rhymes, please keep linking up and putting a smile on my face 🙂 #bestandworst XX

  15. Priceless! And so true, you kind of throw yourself around the house waving cleaning products and hope for the best when they’re little. I figured as long as the living room, kitchen and loo were clean we were all good as those were the bits that everyone saw. #bestandworst

  16. Haha, this is ace! I’m probably overly clean by choice but I completely understand why people dislike it so much! Great post #abitofeverything xx

    1. Thank you. I think if I’m honest this is my problem. I do actually like things to be really clean, and half kill myself to try and keep on top of things when it’s all just a bit of a wasted effort with my two? Thank you for popping by! #abitofeverything xx

  17. I love your post. It reminds me of why I only clean on naptimes, and barely clean too much on weekends when everyone is home. Expecially the four year old who only messes and there is no nap time those days. lol. She does help clean the living room very well though.

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