Humour · Motherhood · Rhyme


Image shows the word "Pretrend" and a dictionary style explanation.

A subtle change has happened, since I morphed into a mum.
And sometimes I don’t recognise the woman I’ve become?

I half suspect I’m past it now, and question it a lot,
And wonder if I’ve got “it” still?
Concluding – I have not.

For instance, not too long ago..
I uttered “bants” at work.
My twenty something colleague thus assumed I’d gone berserk.

I wandered into New Look for a voucher for my niece,
Then rushed back out before the staff could call the style police.

I’m sure I once did have “it”, way back in the olden days?
I ponder this whilst checking out some new fandangled craze.

I’ve strutted into ‘nightclubs’ and I’ve thrown my greatest moves,
Considered chugging Jager-bombs whilst twerking with the ‘youves’!

Image shows a pair of ridiculously high stiletto shoes still in the box.
As if humans actually wear these? I own them. That will have to do. *puts them back in the box*.

I ought to just accept that I no longer am on trend,
But in my head I’m still eighteen, and so I just pretend.

But even just the thought of it now makes me need a snooze,
And truthfully I’d rather be at home in comfy shoes.

The concept of a hangover just makes me want to cry.
I didn’t even notice that my January was dry?

I’ll sit in garden centres with a coffee and a scone,
Then just to keep things current I’ll do Insta on my phone.

I’m “down” with Social Media and almost speak Snapchat
Though when it comes to twitter I’m a bit more of a *whispers*… tw@t?

I’m quite on board with Hygge but that too is kind of fake,
And not because I’m with it, but because I quite like cake.

Image shows a burning candle, a "Hygge" book and a mug of frothy coffee.

I love a Yankee Candle just to help create a mood,
I’ve had a bash at quinoa and I’ve spiralised some food.

Though non-fat soy chai lattes I’m afraid are not for me.
I’d rather have a hob nob and a lovely cup of tea.

But working in the city is an urban trending race.
I chase it in stilettos and just end up on my face.

I try to get my diva on and clutch my travel cup,
Whilst wading through commuters and attempting to keep up.

It’s such a huge transition from the person I’ve become,
The boo-boo kissing, bottom wiping, snug and frumpy mum.

My offspring as a rule are rather tricky to impress,
As far as being ‘with it’ goes, my two could not care less.

And so I don’t know why I try to cling on to my past,
But sadly all these fudging years fly by so fudging fast!

I figure it’s an age thing so I’ll carry on #pretrending,

My quest to still be with “it” shall alas be never ending!

meet other mums

This post originally featured on the fabulous Meet Other Mums blog page, for whom I am proud to be a regular blogger.

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4 thoughts on “#pretrending

  1. *spits tea out* Brillaint! I return to work in three weeks and have many of these pretrending hurdles to overcome… not least the fudging wardrobe!!! Eugh. Thank you for making me laugh at my soon to be self!! X

  2. Dawn, I bloody LOVE this. This is like me, every single day. My older kids have given up on me and best of all, they look at me with that “look” and say “Do you even know what that means, Mom?”

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