As Christmas approaches I get on a mission,
To fill each new day with a brand new tradition.
My newsfeed is scattered with festive ideas,
Just perfect to try with my tot of three years.
A vision of crafting all calm and serene,
Of handmade delights in a wintery scene.
And nothing says Christmas like home made mince pies?
So we trot off to Asda to forage supplies.
Sequins and salt dough, some glitter paint too.
The offspring can’t wait to get covered in glue….
We make little cards out of handprints and such.
I try not to mind when they splodge it too much.
The warm scent of gingerbread wafts through the air,
As I pick off the fluff and odd toddler hair.
We bake little snowmen and stars for the tree,
(That star looks a little bit wonky to me?)
“I’m not sure that Santa looks right with blue hair?”
And “How did you manage to get paint up there?”
My toes start to curl and I try not to flinch,
Determined to not become “Mummy The Grinch.”
The kitchen’s a minefield of ribbon and string.
A smatter of glitter coats each living thing.
It didn’t say this in the cook book I’m sure!?
At no point did it say “scrape dough off the floor”.
I KNOW that they’re playing and trying to learn,
But want to shout “Shift and give mummy a turn”.
“Why are there handprints all over the wall?
Did any end up on the paper at all?”
And “Who gave your brother a gold glitter pen?
You know that he’ll just try to eat it again!”
I take a deep breath as my eye starts to twitch.
I’m one step from channeling “Mummy the B..”ad Word!
I hoped that we’d make lots of treasures to wrap.
But all that we’ve got is a mountain of crap.
I’m dying to yell “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT??”
“I can’t give your granny that half eaten tat!”
I am Mummy.
My rage stays inside.
“How lovely!” I smile with a serving of pride.
(And really the kids did a marvellous job.
My quest for perfection just makes me a n*b!)
But I’ve figured it out and come up with a plan,
To get through December the best that we can.
The secret of Christmassy craft, If you will,
Is to let them wreak havoc with minimal skill.
Then wait til they’re tucked up at bed time and then,
I’ll whip out the craft stuff and make it again!
The kid’s masterpieces can live on the shelf.
The stuff meant for others – I’ll make by myself!
And keep all their tat (I’m not totally mean).
And display it with pride once they’ve each turned 18…