family · Humour · Rhyme

Surviving Christmas crafts…

As Christmas approaches I get on a mission,
To fill each new day with a brand new tradition.

My newsfeed is scattered with festive ideas,
Just perfect to try with my tot of three years.

A vision of crafting all calm and serene,
Of handmade delights in a wintery scene.

And nothing says Christmas like home made mince pies?
So we trot off to Asda to forage supplies.

Sequins and salt dough, some glitter paint too.
The offspring can’t wait to get covered in glue….

We make little cards out of handprints and such.
I try not to mind when they splodge it too much.

The warm scent of gingerbread wafts through the air,
As I pick off the fluff and odd toddler hair.

We bake little snowmen and stars for the tree,
(That star looks a little bit wonky to me?)

“I’m not sure that Santa looks right with blue hair?”
And “How did you manage to get paint up there?”

My toes start to curl and I try not to flinch,
Determined to not become “Mummy The Grinch.”

The kitchen’s a minefield of ribbon and string.
A smatter of glitter coats each living thing.

It didn’t say this in the cook book I’m sure!?
At no point did it say “scrape dough off the floor”.

I KNOW that they’re playing and trying to learn,
But want to shout “Shift and give mummy a turn”.

“Why are there handprints all over the wall?
Did any end up on the paper at all?”

And “Who gave your brother a gold glitter pen?
You know that he’ll just try to eat it again!”

I take a deep breath as my eye starts to twitch.
I’m one step from channeling “Mummy the B..”ad Word!

I hoped that we’d make lots of treasures to wrap.
But all that we’ve got is a mountain of crap.

I’m dying to yell “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT??”
“I can’t give your granny that half eaten tat!”

But no.
I am Mummy.
My rage stays inside.
“How lovely!” I smile with a serving of pride.

(And really the kids did a marvellous job.
My quest for perfection just makes me a n*b!)

But I’ve figured it out and come up with a plan,
To get through December the best that we can.

The secret of Christmassy craft, If you will,
Is to let them wreak havoc with minimal skill.

Then wait til they’re tucked up at bed time and then,
I’ll whip out the craft stuff and make it again!

The kid’s masterpieces can live on the shelf.
The stuff meant for others – I’ll make by myself!

And keep all their tat (I’m not totally mean).
And display it with pride once they’ve each turned 18…

#proudmumwhenyoubringyourmatesround
#cringe
#mummywins

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114 thoughts on “Surviving Christmas crafts…

  1. Haha! I’d say this post is universally relatable . Even my own creations never turn out looking like the ones in the pictures, let alone when there’s kids on board! Happy Christmas crafting πŸ™‚

  2. Once again you amaze me with your rhyming talents. I may just have a Christmas crafts day with the kids tomorrow. Sounds delightful in theory, but let’s see how I cope when there’s glitter and glue everywhere 😁 argh!! X

  3. :-O This is so spot on! How do you do it? πŸ™‚ Another fantastic addition to your fabulous collection of rhymes. You have to put these in a book! – I hope you don’t mind, I have been telling EVERYONE about your rhymes x

    1. Aw thank you so much lovely. You are so kind. I LOVE that you’re telling everyone and I’m very grateful!! So pleased you enjoyed it. I was a bit :-/ before I hit publish on this one… Happy Christmas crafting to you and your little buttons xxx

  4. Aw that is lovely! A brilliantly Christmassy themed poem. Love it as usual. Have you ever thought of putting all your fabulous poems in a book? If not you should! πŸ˜‰

    1. Morning lovely! Aw thanks. You’re very kind! I would love to write a book. Who knows, if I cross my fingers and write a nice letter to Santa I might just be able do it one day…? (For now the nearest I have is a presentation folder with them all printed out haha). Thanks for popping by. Dawn x

  5. You’re such a superstar. This is just fantastic. Love love love it. And sounds like you’re a brilliant mum. You’ve certainly got more patience than I do… Christmas crafts drive me crazy, even when there are no kids involved!

    1. Thank you Kyles! Xx That’s so lovely of you to say, although I’m not sure about my patience, I mostly just want to snatch it and yell “You’re doing it all wrong!”. (Bad mummy!!) ;0) xx

  6. So happy I have discovered your blog, I love it! This poem sounds exactly what it is like when I try and do crafts/bake with my 2 year old. Now I just call it messy play..!xx #justanotherlinky

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  8. Ahh, you have captured perfectly in rhyme my issue with crafting with kids. They just dont do it properly!!! I too ended up doing everything again once they had gone to bed xx #fartglitter

  9. This made me laugh out loud. It’s so relatable, we all intend on making these stunning handmade sentimental pieces but throughout every second we are dying to get stuck in ourselves. I loved the end part of making them yourself when the children are in bed. Beautifully written! #marvmondays

  10. Love it! This is so true! I’m trying to be good this year and actually let the girls do more of their christmas cards completely themselves. I now have a purple snowman and a half coloured in every colour but green Christmas tree. πŸ˜€ #fartgitter

    1. See now I can feel my eye twitching already haha. You have far more patience than me. Let them do more completely themselves you say??? But what if they go over the lines?? *goes for a lie down*

      Thank you :0) x

  11. Everyday? Are you mad? If not you may well be by the time Christmas comes around. I’m very impressed. I’ve been trying to talk myself into doing something arty other than just getting the crayons out for ages but haven’t got there yet.
    Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x

    1. Haha, when I say everyday that refers to making up a new tradition. Today’s new tradition will probably involve eating the number 8 chocolate out of our advent calendars, and it is a tradition which we will repeat for years to come…. :0) Yeah I was probably a bit misleading there. The craft type traditions are a bit more sparingly applied! Thanks for having me over at #fartglitter xx

  12. Haha, amazing rhyme!!! Love it, I don’t know where you find the inspiration but you are amazing with all these new rhyme’s! Thanks for linking up to the #bestandworst but also popping over from all the other linkys too!! πŸ™‚

  13. Another fabulous post! You definitely win the Gold Medal for holding it in….well, there’s always mince pies and gingerbread after the kids go to bed, right? Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

  14. Aw I love handmade gifts, imperfections and all!! At least that’s what I tell myself when I give people crap that *I’ve* made!! Can’t wait to make things like this with Baby Lighty but our first experience of messy play didn’t go well, so I may never be able to realise my crafting dreams!! #coolmumclub

  15. This is genius – loved it. Your rhymes always make me smile. I haven’t got to the age of crafting yet (well, my daughter hasn’t) but this will be me all over – I’ve never been very good at watching people make a bad job of something. I’m definitely going to have to walk away and not look I think! πŸ™‚ #coolmumclub

    1. It seriously makes my eye twitch and I have to take deep breaths. I have this vision of what we’re trying to create, and my 3 year old just doesn’t do it properly!!?? (I think I need a slap. :-/ ) Thanks for popping by lovely and for your comment x

  16. Haha, awesome and oh so true. I’m so crap at letting my LO do crafts. I’m constantly hovering, making sure he doesn’t smear paint over literally everything!! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    1. I am the ultimate helicopter mum when it comes to crafts. I think it would be much more fun if they both just sat on a chair a little distance away and watched mummy do it…. ;0) Thank you and thanks for having me! #marvmondays xx

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  18. Ha – I love the idea of re-making their crafts so they don’t look crap! I didn’t bother with any crafts this year – the Popple is only 18 months old and doesn’t like getting her hands dirty, so I figured salt dough and glitter probably weren’t the way to go. Maybe next year… #DreamTeam
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…10 reasons I’m rocking motherhoodMy Profile

    1. You are a far more accomplished mother than I! You see I couldn’t stand by and allow something as precious as a gingerbread house be demolished by my offspring. I’d have had to turn it into a “watching Mummy” exercise for the sake of the gingerbread haha. I salute you! πŸ˜‚ Thanks Brandi! X

  19. Great poem. What an great job! I love the ending about when they turn 18. Make sure you point out those trinkets to all their friends when they come over too. They’ll love that πŸ˜‰

    But seriously, as much as they drive us to the end of our rope, every time I’m about to lose it a little voice tells me “you’ll miss this one day”.
    #DreamTeam

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