My mum has a brand new obsession of late. With piling some green nonsense onto my plate. She must be confused or not right in the head? As it’s none of the three food-groups: cheese, jam or bread? She’s attempted the usual tactics of course, Like blending the stuff up and calling it “sauce”. But… Continue reading The Battle Of The Broccoli (By a 3 year old.)
One of the first ‘grown up’ poems I ever read as a child was Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy By Robert Frost. I was 9 years old and our teacher had set us all the challenge of learning it off by heart to recite in front of the class. It must have had… Continue reading Stopping By The House On A Mummy’s Evening. (A Parody.)
A parenting parody based on Julia Donaldson’s brilliant children’s book Day Monkey Night Monkey. The light shone bright at the playgroup, ‘I’m Right’ Mummy sat sipping tea. She tutted and growled as ‘My Way’ Mummy scowled, And thought ‘She should do it like me!’ My Way Mummy tried not to notice, That I’m Right Mummy… Continue reading ‘I’m Right’ Mummy, ‘My Way’ Mummy. A Parody.
1) Thou shalt not spill. Or if thou shalt spill thou shalt make sure thou is not anywhere that there is carpet. (Preferably in the garden.) 2) Thou shalt not steal. Not even in those shops where all the good stuff is lined up right next to the tills and at your perfect grabbing… Continue reading The Ten Commandments – According to Mummy.
As October cusps into November, We embrace quite a sinister theme, And the world becomes peppered with pumpkins, For this day that we call Halloween. Not exactly a new fascination, It’s been kind of a regular gig. But I find myself sat here reflecting… “Just when did it get quite so BIG!?” Back in my… Continue reading Halloween – It Ain’t Like It Used To Be!
Ode to Judgy McJudgepants Ms Judgy McJudgepants (Cat’s Bumface for short ) A self righteous person and critical sort. Will remark on the things that you do through the day. Whilst not giving a toot if it’s not kind to say. She will cast her aspersions, dismiss and abuse, Without walking an inch in another… Continue reading Ode to Judgy McJudgepants
On the first after-school run my offspring gave to me… A painting of “Mummy and Me.” On the second after-school run my offspring gave to me… One screwed up jacket …and a painting of “Mummy and Me.” On the third after-school run my offspring gave to me… One slung off school bag, One screwed up… Continue reading The Twelve Days of “Doing the After-School Run…”
To every parent who is taking that proud picture of their little ones in a school uniform for the very first time. With all the hugs… As I glance at the clock where it ticks on the wall, I’m confused as to whether time’s passed here at all? The same ticking clock, The same silent… Continue reading How Is This Uniform Yours?
Dear Teacher… Our homework is due in at last. It’s taken 5 years but it’s somehow flown past!? We’ve worked really hard, and we think we’ve done great, If you’ll just overlook that we’re 10 mins late? There were times when we questioned the task that you’d set, But I reckon our work here’s the… Continue reading Dear Teacher… As Our Little Girl Starts School.
I’d love to make friends like a toddler. I’m not short of a mum friend or two, But I’m starting to feel quite inspired By my tots and the way that they do… So, I’d rock up to playgroup as normal. Drop my jacket and puff out my chest. Scan the church-hall savanna before me,… Continue reading I’d Love To Make Friends Like A Toddler…