My mum has a brand new obsession of late. With piling some green nonsense onto my plate. She must be confused or not right in the head? As it’s none of the three food-groups: cheese, jam or bread? She’s attempted the usual tactics of course, Like blending the stuff up and calling it “sauce”. But… Continue reading The Battle Of The Broccoli (By a 3 year old.)
One of the first ‘grown up’ poems I ever read as a child was Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy By Robert Frost. I was 9 years old and our teacher had set us all the challenge of learning it off by heart to recite in front of the class. It must have had… Continue reading Stopping By The House On A Mummy’s Evening. (A Parody.)
Dear Santa. At this time of year you’re quite a busy chap. And I’m sorry to disturb you from your almost year-long nap, It’s just that as a parent I’m afraid it seems to me, That things are somewhat lacking with your elf security. I would not dare suggest that your North Pole control is… Continue reading Dear Santa… (A Rhyme)
A parenting parody based on Julia Donaldson’s brilliant children’s book Day Monkey Night Monkey. The light shone bright at the playgroup, ‘I’m Right’ Mummy sat sipping tea. She tutted and growled as ‘My Way’ Mummy scowled, And thought ‘She should do it like me!’ My Way Mummy tried not to notice, That I’m Right Mummy… Continue reading ‘I’m Right’ Mummy, ‘My Way’ Mummy. A Parody.
This ghastly occurrence, did (Would you believe?) Unfold on that day we call All Hallows Eve… I’d decided to knock up a mean “zombie stew”, Which has all the same stuff in as chilli! Who knew? 😉 Now a good zombie stew contains beans, so of course I cut open a tin and then crushed… Continue reading The Zombie Stew, The Blood and The Biscuit Tin…
As October cusps into November, We embrace quite a sinister theme, And the world becomes peppered with pumpkins, For this day that we call Halloween. Not exactly a new fascination, It’s been kind of a regular gig. But I find myself sat here reflecting… “Just when did it get quite so BIG!?” Back in my… Continue reading Halloween – It Ain’t Like It Used To Be!
I’m very lucky to still be in touch with a group of my gorgeous school friends. These are friendships that have seen me through the roller-coaster of my twenties and thirties, and this next 9 or so months will see each of us celebrate a very special birthday. This one is dedicated to The Girls. … Continue reading Approaching 40: A Poem
Ode to Judgy McJudgepants Ms Judgy McJudgepants (Cat’s Bumface for short ) A self righteous person and critical sort. Will remark on the things that you do through the day. Whilst not giving a toot if it’s not kind to say. She will cast her aspersions, dismiss and abuse, Without walking an inch in another… Continue reading Ode to Judgy McJudgepants
On the first after-school run my offspring gave to me… A painting of “Mummy and Me.” On the second after-school run my offspring gave to me… One screwed up jacket …and a painting of “Mummy and Me.” On the third after-school run my offspring gave to me… One slung off school bag, One screwed up… Continue reading The Twelve Days of “Doing the After-School Run…”
To every parent who is taking that proud picture of their little ones in a school uniform for the very first time. With all the hugs… As I glance at the clock where it ticks on the wall, I’m confused as to whether time’s passed here at all? The same ticking clock, The same silent… Continue reading How Is This Uniform Yours?