Humour · Parenting · Poem · Rhyme

The Battle Of The Broccoli (By a 3 year old.)

My mum has a brand new obsession of late.
With piling some green nonsense onto my plate.

She must be confused or not right in the head?
As it’s none of the three food-groups: cheese, jam or bread?

She’s attempted the usual tactics of course,
Like blending the stuff up and calling it “sauce”.

But really now who is she trying to fool?
I’m hardly a moron!? I’m nearly at school!

It is not a “small tree”.
I won’t fall for that trick.
She perhaps fails to realise I’m just not that thick!

I want my fears noted,
It’s frankly obscene .
So I’ll promptly respond with a fabulous scene.

I’ll deploy the techniques that I learned in my youth.
The “terrible two’s” they say. (Ain’t that the truth!?)

I shall prod it and push it around with my fork.
Then I’ll spend 20 minutes dissecting the stalk.

I’ll whinge right through dinner which should do the trick,
OR I’ll bring out the big guns and scream ’til I’m sick.

It’s me vs the green stuff and trust me I’ll win!
That sh*t’s heading nowhere – except for the bin!

My cred would be ruined, I’d be a disgrace
If I shovelled that healthy crap into my face.

I’ve a rep to protect now, threenagers unite!
We won’t stand for this blatantly nutritious sh*te!

So I thought that a get-out was there to be had,
And I’d found a new ally that answers to “Dad“.

“Stop giving him broccoli, it just goes to waste!
You know he won’t touch it.Β  He won’t even taste!”

But The Mum is a strong one. She will not be swayed.
And thus the “small tree” game remains to be played.

And Dad’s figured out if she gives it to me,
There’ll be less of the stuff ending up in HIS tea.

So for now I’m resigned to accepting my fate.
I’ll make peace with the green thing invading my plate.

But I won’t bloody eat it.Β  Of that there’s no doubt!
Or the next thing I know I’ll be eating a SPROUT!!

Still, Mum feels that somehow she’s getting her way,
Like showing me broccoli achieves 5 a day?

So onwards we’ll soldier, she will not give in,
And each day I’ll recycle it – straight to the bin.

Forever my nemesis, small tree of green.
May our battle continue… until I’m 18!

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45 thoughts on “The Battle Of The Broccoli (By a 3 year old.)

  1. I must admit that I love broccoli and can eat it as is with no sauce. But I hate brussel sprouts, can’t stomach it. My kids eat broccoli but I need to put a cheese or white sauce over it or when it is in a veggie stew. #Dreamteam

  2. I absolutely had to share this because of its sheer hilarity and the fact that I can completely relate, although my youngest is 6 but still, will not be fooled! #DreamTeam

  3. Very funny and clever! I have to admire mom β€” and child’s β€” resilience. We stick to the same array of vegetables both ours will eat β€” it’s narrow but surprisingly, they both like broccolli!!!

  4. Haha I know this battle all too well, my Leo is four and we are still having arguments over friggin vegetables!! I keep putting them on his plate though in the hope he’ll forget he doesn’t like them and eat them up for once!xx #dreamteam

    1. I’m with you! I just can’t live with not putting it on their plate in case that is the day that they decide they might like it? Maybe that’s what I should do – stop giving them it! They’re bound to want loads then! πŸ˜‚ xx

  5. We haven’t had the broccoli battle (yet). I can’t say my 2 year old loves broccoli, but we have never had to negotiate or bribe him to eat it, so at least I think he likes them. I love how you’ve spinned this and put into the perspective of your 3 year old! genius! #DreamTeam

    1. Thank you Nita. Hopefully your little one will continue to enjoy it. Mine seem to have got pickier as they’ve got older but I’m starting to see improvements with our biggest now so there may be hope that they won’t exist entirely on toast for life! πŸ˜‰ Thanks so much lovely x

  6. Love. Love. Love. Mine always loved broccoli but cabbage? Ugh mine you who can blame them really! Your rhymes always make me smile! Thanks for that. I’ve shared it on Twitter. #dreamteam

  7. Hehe! Did you really make broccoli sauce? That sounds, ummm, interesting. I have to admit that we have been super lucky with Little Button eating veggies. She will try pretty much anything. I hear that cheese sauce is usually a winner. #DreamTeam xx

  8. I thought you changed how to leave a comment so I typed into the box up top with the DT badge. I don’t know where that went so I’m commenting here also!

    I absolutely adore your three year old and support her defiance of the green shite on her plate! #DreamTeam

    1. I feel your pain! We have a five year old too and while she is now open to a little more negotiation where food groups are concerned, I still have zero chance of getting any green stuff down her. All good fun eh? Thanks lovely x

  9. Ben’s hating veggies too! I’m hoping some frozen veggie patties will get him interested and slowly merge over.. otherwise for now its baked beans (one of your five a day)… im jealous of his dinners that consist of smiley faces and dinosaurs dammit! #dreamteam
    (sorry for double spam – got confused with the message above – damn baby brain!)

  10. Hahaha this really made me laugh! My boys refuse to eat broccoli because they too say it’s a small tree, but my girls literally can’t eat enough of it! It’s crazy but Im not complaining! Thank you for joining us at #bigpinklink

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