Humour · Motherhood · Rhyme

The glam slide….

We’re all on our hols!

“Let’s all swim!” The kids cheer.

I frantically dig out some dusty swim gear…

We’re there, a bit flustered, but head for the pool.

I suck in my stomach and try to act cool.

The kid’s gallop off in an unruly flock,

As I pause…

And peer down at my body in shock…

My legs are resembling those of a yeti.

My costume appears to be hosting spaghetti?

My toes are unpainted, my nails need a trim.

Like those of a “hobbit” but slightly more grim.

The truth is apparent.

It can’t be denied.

I’ve simply allowed my glam standards to slide!

Where my holiday prep was once fake tan and wax,

I now think I’m prepped if I’m carrying snacks!

I used to take time and indulge in self pride?

My glam former self has apparently died?

I stop to consider my make up routine:

“Frown at the mirror and make face look clean”.

The lingerie concept all seems a bit dear?

My pants (all from Asda) now come up to “here!”

My hair is dragged back in a messy “Mum bun”

My wardrobe’s designed around hiding my bum.

I try to recall what a hairdryer’s for?

I’ve not seen my straighteners for six months or more.

My hands are destroyed and my nails are a mess.

I’m dressed now to function and not to impress.

My eyebrows of doom can be seen from afar.

And as for high heels? Hahahahahaha!!!

There’s things in my pockets you wouldn’t believe.

And always a tissue or two up my sleeve.

My accessory range is now chucked in a drawer,

And only dragged out for the kids to explore.

The main thing I carry these days is a tot.

With his face full of crumbs and obligatory snot.

So perhaps I could do with a kick up the bum?

It’s not an excuse just because I’m a mum.

And I’ll now make a pledge as I stand by this pool,

(Hiding my furry white legs like a fool.)

My legs shall be shaved and my toes shall be neat!

I shall no longer cringe when I look at my feet!

But I’ll also accept that for now, I’m a mum,

And I’ll try to make peace with the size of my bum.

My tots just don’t care if my make up looks rushed,

They don’t give a toot if my hair isn’t brushed.

They grin when they see me walk in through the door.

They just want to snuggle and roll on the floor.

And I’m not quite as glam as I once used to be.

As I’ve moved on a bit, and that’s ok by me.

So I’ll look in the mirror and see, if I can.

The fabulous mum that my kids think I am.

x

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85 thoughts on “The glam slide….

  1. Absolutely wonderful. But you are still beautiful whatever you may think ! 😍😊 xxx
    Mum

    Sent from my Windows Phone
    ________________________________

  2. Ah don’t worry, I think we’re all a bit like this!! My hair has been cut once since Baby Lighty arrived – he’s now 9 months old!! It’s never been this long, or this messy! Also, with regards to swimming, my friend gave me a good tip: always fight to be the one to carry the baby into the pool, that way he can hide your tum! Best piece of advice I’ve been given as a parent, ha!! xxx

    1. I love that advice! Although on this occasion I would have needed to carry my hubby in to cover all the unsightly shenanigans that were apparently going on! 😀

      Thanks for your lovely comment as always hon. I’m pleased to be in good company in the hair stakes! xx

  3. Applause, Applause. This is absolutely beautiful and hilarious. It really made me laugh out loud. I had to read it to my husband. he thought it was fantastic too. Your hitting the nail on the head. I was like “Is she talking about me?!” This is a masterpiece!

    1. I like your thinking! I could get that printed onto my costume?! …. Or perhaps go swimming in jeans and jumper!? … Yes that one I think. Definitely!

      Thank you lovely – and back at ya! :0) x

  4. Love this! I was never that glam to begin with, but now I’m lucky if I leave the house with my face washed. The mum bun is pretty much my default hairstyle, and the last time I got my toenails painted was before I went into labour. I’m too exhausted to care! #justanotherlinky

    1. I’m with you! I must also admit that my toe nails have never been as well manicured as the weeks leading up to labour. Why do we seem to think that it’ll all be fine and not at all undignified provided we have taken the appropriate measures to ensure that our toes look pretty? 😀

      Thanks for your comment lovely x

  5. I think we should all get “life’s too short to worry about your bikini line” printed on T-shirts, as one of the commenters above suggested! Loved this poem, and the picture is brilliant. I feel EXACTLY the same way. I used to live for fashion. Now I wouldn’t know fashion if it bit me on the nose! #justanotherlinky

    1. Absolutely – I think the T shirts would be perfect! Thanks very much – it’s good to know that I’m in excellent (if a little bit unfashionable) company 😀

      Thank you for reading x

  6. I was looking in the mirror today thinking the same as I’ve been so ill! It all changes and it’s hard. Worst thing is when my daughter got home from nursery yesterday, I was all poorly, she remarked ‘Mummy got no make up on!’ Oops xx #justanotherlinkt

    1. Aw bless her! Mine keeps saying “Mummy’s got a big fat tummy”. Charmed I’m sure!? Think I preferred it when she couldn’t do sentences hehe. Hope you’re feeling better soon xx

  7. Yep, you’ve nailed it, again!!!!!! On our recent trip to center parcs, I spent an hour in the shower, and got through 3 razors hacking the hair from my body! I’ve sported the mum bun for 3&1/2 years now, and I cringe at the sight of heels!! But like you say, the children don’t care one bit, in fact, my littlest stroked my face the other day, and announced ‘gawjus mama, gawjus.’ It did make me cry…! Not sure why he sounded like an extra from Oliver when saying it, but it was too cute all the same!!
    #fartglitter

    1. Ha! That must be it then? We were at C Parcs too! Maybe there is something in the lighting that makes us look hobbitesque? Your little one sounds so cute. I actually like the “Oliver” twang and I think you should nurture it hehe. Thank you! Xx

  8. Hahahaha! Another corker. You are so talented Dawn. Your ending is great. No matter what we look like, our little ones think we are are fab, and that’s good enough for me 🙂 #MarvMondays

    1. Aw thanks so much lovely. You do write the nicest comments. It’s true that the tots don’t care do they? Although my little miss has started telling everyone about Mummy’s big fat tummy!? :-/ Hmmmf! Xx

  9. Ahh I love the way you have captured the messy “monsters” that we turn into on becoming a mum! But I also love the last couple of lines of your poem. We don’t mind quite as much that we don’t look so glam when our little ones need us. Well done, another fab rhyme! And good to know you’re not alone, we are all the same unruly mess of mums! xx

  10. Loved this poem, as always. My hair is always in a messy bun, sometimes I put it up without even brushing it..is that bad?!I think it’s near enough impossible to keep up the make up/hair/waxing and general pampering routine once kids come along xx #Fartglitter

    1. There just aren’t enough hours in the day are there?? And once you’ve been snotted and dribbled on it all feels a bit of a waste anyway? Thanks so much for sharing and your lovely comment as always xx

  11. This is fabulous – hilarious and lovely at the same time 🙂 I consider myself to be fairly into my appearance pre-children, but after having my little boy it all went out of the window completely for at least a year. I’ve recently regained a bit of interest and am using makeup and buying clothes again, but there are still a whole list of things that I used to do that have gone by the wayside now!

    1. I wonder if we’ll ever get back to the pre – baby levels of glam or is it a permanent wayside that things have gone by? My wardrobe is now entirely floaty “Mantaray” tunic type tops and a variety of different shades of jeggings. I wear one of each basic make up type for every occasion, and I have two pairs of boots to get me through the whole of winter – one for mucky walks and one for indoor type places. That’s it. What’s happened to me?? 😉 At least I’m surrounded by other lovely mums who apparently all feel the same! Thanks for your comment! x

  12. Excellent! I thought furry, white legs and broken nails were the uniform of Mums! May have to do something about mine. Luckily I’ve never brushed my hair, I’ve always rocked the scruffy look so can’t blame the children for that.

    I’d love to know how long it takes you to write a post, it takes me an age and that’s without getting it to rhyme.

    xx

    1. I like that idea…. Mum uniform indeed! “Take that you judgy glamorous type pre – children onlooker types! I’m just rocking my mum uniform” 😉 Love it. Thank you!

      To be honest my posts don’t take me that long. Once I get on a roll with an idea I can usually write it in an hour or two, generally I come up with lines whilst doing the dishwasher or cleaning the highchair. The joys of Motherhood eh? Thank you for commenting Debs xx

    1. Bikini!??? *shrieks in terror and runs to hide behind the sofa* I would love to wear a bikini but haven’t dared that since about 2002. That was a long time pre-tot too so I can’t blame them for that. It might, just possibly, be a bit more to do with the amount of cake I inhale haha. You’re right to be proud of your mum body. I must admit that I have a few stretch marks and I’m actually quite fond of them. They’re souvenirs from when my tummy held my babies before my arms could take over. :0) You definitely have the right attitude hun and I like your style.

      Thanks for commenting x

    1. Thank you lovely! So many other mums seem to be saying the same which is fab! I just wish you’d all been around the pool at Center Parcs so that I hadn’t felt like a lone yeti! 🙂 x

  13. Yes, this is fantastic. It was 41 degrees here the other day so you’d think I’d have the body hair in check but I totally don’t. At least my leg hair is blonde so I can attempt to convince myself it’s invisible (it’s not).

    #fartglitter

  14. Haha! This is brilliant and also very relatable! Sunday is usually my ‘shave’ day! When I was a teen everyday was shave day! Oh how things change! #bestandworst

  15. We’ve just booked our first holiday with a child…to Australia….must be mad! I’m thinking about a bit of sunbed action before we go, like I usually would but I know it won’t happen! #abitofeverything

    1. Oh wow! Australia!! I think even I would have to consider cracking open the fake tan for that! At least at Center Parcs we’re nearly all fairly pale and erm mumsy? I’m very jealous! 🙂 x

  16. Yes, yes, yes, yes – I can totally relate! I have been thinking I must dye hair / do eyebrows / do nails etc for I don’t know how long. I am just too tired to think about it when kids are in bed 🙁 #abitofeverything

    1. I’m with you! I can almost be bothered with painting my nails, but then the thought of having to take it off again every 45 minutes as they’re already chipped and battered…. ? No thanks! It’s not worth the expenditure of calories!! Thanks for your comment! 🙂 x

  17. Your not alone lovely, I think when we become a mum our needs go to the bottom of the pile. Sometimes I look in the mirror and cringe but have no time to do anything about it. Maybe I’ll be a glam granny one day? Haha!! Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  18. Just read this out loud to my husband (after nosing at my own toes) he sang your rhyming praises. Its so true, I so remember those days of pampering before a holiday. We are away this August for a wedding in Santorini. I should be concentrating on losing my baby weight, but I’m so unmotivated the time I come home and I eat rubbish at work to survive my sleep deprived state.

    #ThankGodForKaftans #bestandworst

    Renee @peonieandme x

    1. Kaftans are the best! Lots of chiffon and floaty numbers (and in my case – socks!) All will be fine! I’m very jealous by the way. Santorini is supposed to be stunning!

      Thanks for sharing and your lovely comment xx

    1. Aw but you always look perfect on your lovely photos! You’re definitely not on your own with the falling apart though. I think I fell apart some time ago now!? 😉

      Thank you for hosting #marvmondays

      Dawn x

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