Humour · Parenting · Poem · Rhyme

The Twelve Days of “Doing the After-School Run…”

On the first after-school run my offspring gave to me…

A painting of “Mummy and Me.”

Image shows a child's drawing of her family.

On the second after-school run my offspring gave to me…

One screwed up jacket
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the third after-school run my offspring gave to me…
One slung off school bag,
One screwed up jacket
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the fourth after-school run my offspring gave to me…


A folder full of phonics,

One slung off school bag,
One screwed up jacket
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the fifth after-school run my offspring gave to me…

FIIIIVE… BITS OF TWIG…. (Sing it with me! πŸ™‚ )
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the sixth after-school run my offspring gave to me…

Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the seventh after-school run my offspring gave to me…

Seven party invites,
Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the eighth after-school run my offspring gave to me…

Scooter and a helmet
,
Seven party invites,
Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the ninth after-school run my offspring gave to me…

Nine “Read With Me” books,
Scooter and a helmet,
Seven party invites,
Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,

…Bugger me more phonics??
There are 44 apparently!?

On the tenth after-school run my offspring gave to me…

Someone else’s hair-slide,
Nine “Read With Me” books,
Scooter and a helmet,
Seven party invites,
Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat
…and a painting of “Mummy and Me.”

On the eleventh after-school run my offspring gave to me…

Instructions to come to school dressed like a wombat on Thursday?
Someone else’s hair-slide,
Nine “Read With Me” books,
Scooter and a helmet,
Seven party invites,
Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat

… Whilst responding to “What’s for tea?”

On the twelfth after-school run my offspring gave to me…

The entire contents of some bugger’s recycle bin vaguely glued together in the name of art and presented to be a “space rocket”
…”Dress like a wombat”,
Someone else’s hairslide,
Nine “Read With Me” books,
Scooter and a helmet,
Seven party invites,
Six forms to fill in,
FIVE… BITS OF TWIG….
Folder full of phonics,
One slung off bag,
One abandoned coat

And I feel like a sodding donkey!!

Image shows a stuffed toy donkey

89 thoughts on “The Twelve Days of “Doing the After-School Run…”

    1. Honestly Ross – I swear the other day she came out balancing 2 empty yogurt pots, some foil cartons and a giant cardboard box out of someone’s bin. She hadn’t even done anything to decorate or turn them into art. Just balanced them on top of each other and handed me the precarious heap to try and carry home. I was thrilled. πŸ˜‚ Thanks very much for your comment! x

  1. Congratulations! You got me properly singing this in my head! πŸ™‚ And I TOTALLY get what you mean. I turn from Mumma with no bags to cart horse in the space of seconds. I had a damn pizza box come home the other day covered in glitter and stuck on toilet rolls! Where are we meant to keep these things?! πŸ˜€ #dreamteam
    Jaki recently posted…Triumphant Tales Linky #30My Profile

    1. Oh that’s brilliant! I swear the teachers laugh as they pile more crap onto the “junk modelling” table each day for our little treasures to bring home. Our houses just aren’t big enough to accommodate such a daily presentation! πŸ™„ x

  2. This is comedy gold. Mine hasn’t started school yet but I do think the number of dress ups are ridiculous. There’s so much work from the parents, I struggle to think of fancy dress for myself. It’s like some imagination exam. #DreamTeam
    Mama Grace recently posted…Where’s Your Shoe?My Profile

    1. I remember going to school dressed as a coffin as a kid. I made the costume myself using white a4 paper and a stapler as I wasn’t allowed to waste money on tape / brown paint or anything that would make me look remotely spooky. I literally shuffled to school wrapped in sheets of A4 paper. Roughly stapled together. With RIP written on the front in biro. That was the limit of fancy dress when I was a kid. Schools nowadays have a whole new level of expectations don’t they? πŸ˜‚ x

    1. I have a very expressive face and unfortunately I have a rogue eyebrow that seems to move independently of the rest of my face. It’s tricky when being presented with a huge pile of nonsense from a very proud tot!? πŸ™Š Oops. Thank yoy Tracey! 😘 x

  3. FIIIIVE… BITS OF TWIG!!!

    I can’t get over this! I literally sang all the way. Very witty and at the same time funny.

    As I was singing, I actually remember about piggy back songs which is a strategy to teach kids on how to recall faster. Because when information is blended with some music, the recall becomes greater. And I think this is very much applicable to us as well. I think yours is on a higher level, I think I’ll start with ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’.

    1. This makes absolute sense Su. At school they are teaching Miss Tot phonics and each letter sound has an accompanying song. When I show her a letter now she no longer replies with the sound but with an entire song about “ants up her arm?”. It really seems to have helped her though to be fair. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment x

  4. Love this! What the hell is it with the junk modelling!!! I seriously have shelves full of egg cartons stuck to cereal packets that I strictly never allowed to throw away! #dreamteam

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