family · Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

A Llamastrophy!

For Easter this year, as a fabulous treat!

The hubby had booked us a cottage – how sweet?

The bunny had been, so we left for a night,

At The Llamas Pyjamas – a Lakeland delight!

We knew of the cafe, and loved the place lots!

So into the car went the cases and tots.

llama with critters

Now the boy had been poorly the day just before,

(a fever, a nosebleed, eye gunk and much more).

But it seemed he’d improved so “Let’s do it!” We said.

*Looks back in hindsight and slaps self in head*

The weather looked grim from our view in the car,

Storm Katie was forecast. Terrific. Huzzah!

We parked at the cafe, dashed in through the rain,

As visions of stone skimming swirled down the drain.

But still we’d arrived, so we ordered some lunch,

We still were on hols when it came to the crunch?

But I looked at The Boy as his rosy cheeks beamed.

He frowned at his dinner, and instantly screamed!

The llamas outside appeared mildly amused,

While my tot thrashed about and his lunch was refused.

We gulped down our food and the staff checked us in,

Trying to welcome us over the din.

The cottage was cosy, but after the meal,

It took us a while to shrug off the ordeal.

The setting was peaceful and so picturesque,

But my screeching boy’s mood was quite simply grotesque!

The afternoon passed, he continued to bawl,

But hey? Suck it up! It’s a break after all?

So we ventured back out to find something to eat,

And hedging our bets chose a cheeky McTreat,

But just as expected each nourishing course,

Consisted of no more than “hand in red sauce”

The evening approached and the kids were both wired,

Vibrating on ketchup and manically tired.

They both had a bath (though the water was cold).

Surprisingly accepted bedtime when told.

We climbed into bed, snuggled down to nod off.

When out of the darkness, we heard it….

“The Cough!”

The Cough – that says go find a bucket and quick,

The cough that says no, too late Mummy, “I sick!”

Our Little Miss Tot had her head down the loo,

The horrible lurgy had got to her too!

“Somebody somewhere is having a laugh!”

I growled as I threw sicky sheets in the bath.

The trauma continued all throughout the night.

“My throat hurts!” “I’m poorly!” right through to daylight.

With shot bleary eyes we accepted defeat.

And packed up the car in a hasty retreat.

To crawl our way home through the holiday queues.

While both of the tots had a three hour snooze.

This wonderful break was supposed to be bliss?

That somebody somewhere WAS taking the p!ss!

The brochure was clearly to blame all along.

It’s somewhat misleading, the adverts were wrong!

The kids in the pictures were calm and serene?

They seemed to be smiling? Their faces were clean?

Our offspring are faulty – I wish to complain!

They’re both on a mission to drive us insane!

In all future brochures, quite clearly in view,

There should be a note that says:

“This won’t be you!”

There should be the option that makes it quite clear.

To: “Insert your own stroppy tot pictures here!”

So next time the hubby says let’s go away!?

My polite response will be “Fudge that! No way!”

I’d rather stay home and just sit on my bed,

And have a nice time burning bank notes instead.

So next time the hubby says let’s go away!?

“The Tots seem too poorly.” I’ll lovingly say.

Let’s let them stay cosy, and wrapped up in bed.

Let’s just give them Calpol and cuddles instead.

Spit Happens Llama

*As quoted by the fantastic Llama Karma Cafe and Llama’s Pyjamas B&B (Penrith).

Thank you for what could have been a wonderful mini – break. We’ll be back. One day. When the kids are about 18 😉

ps: Sorry about the sheets!

Linking up with…

MummuddlingthroughDomesticated MomsterRun Jump Scrap!Pink Pear Bear

And Proudly Co-Hosting:

Rhyming with Wine

131 thoughts on “A Llamastrophy!

  1. Oh no, sorry your weekend was a washout with poorly kiddies! We’ve had a similar bank holiday weekend washout which resulted in me scrubbing sick off my carpet – and it wasn’t even my child that was sick, it was my niece! Hope the kids get better soon and you get your weekend away soon!

    1. I think kids just seem to sense when to be sick don’t they? Hats off to you though lovely, at least it was my kid’s sick and someone else’s carpet!? Sending wine and cake and hope your niece is better soon too. Thank you x

  2. Is it really bad that I laughed all the way through your rhyme? Not for your poor family throwing their guts up, but because its great to know that its normal for families to have crap holidays.

    We went away twice last year and both times I couldn’t wait to come home to relax. Save the holiday money for wine x

    1. That sounds like a far more effective plan! I’m sorry that you had rubbish hols too – but secretly also chuffed that I’m in good company. Virtual high five to not going on holiday again until they’ve grown up! 😉 Thanks for your comment xx

  3. Oh dear…! Sorry it didn’t turn out so great. Brilliantly funny rhyme though!

    I’m on holiday at the moment (Devon) and whilst it’s lovely to have a change of scenery, I’m kinda looking forward to going home to normality and routine…!

    1. Aw hope you’re having a fab time. Devon is lovely isn’t it? Holidays are just not quite as relaxing as they used to be any more are they?? I’m sure it’s just a phase though… *crosses fingers*

      Thanks for commenting x

    1. Crossed out ending? You mean I didn’t delete it?? Oops 😉 I think it has put us off for the moment but I’m sure we’ll be over it by our next little break. Thanks for reading and for your lovely comment as always xx

  4. Oh chick what a fudging nightmare! I think sometimes you think all will be ok when they ill but your original gut feeling is right! Hope everyone is on the mend and you have caught up on your sleep!! Bless. Fab rhyme as always xx #twinklytuesday

    1. It was a fudging nightmare hun! 😉 Luckily the tots are fine now thank you, although they’ve very kindly shared it with mummy, who now feels a bit like road kill! Bleughh. To be fair if someone dragged me to a llama themed cafe right now I’d probably scream too! Thanks so much for commenting 🙂 xx

  5. Ah no! What a shame – home is just the best place to be when one/some/all of you are sick! isn’t it?! On a side note, I am genuinely amazed at how you manage to make a post THAT long rhyme and have an equal number of syllables on each line! #rhymeenvy 🙂 #justanotherlinky

  6. Oh no! These things always seem to strike at the worst times. I’ve been to the llama cafe, by the way – I was WAY more excited about it than any adult has the right to be. #justanotherlinky

    1. Yey! It’s an awesome cafe isn’t it? We got married in the Lakes a few years ago and it’s kind of become a ritual to visit as often as we can, (their paradise slice is to die for!) This was our first stay, and had the kids been ok it would have been amazing! Lovely to meet a fellow Llama Karma enthusiast 😉 Thanks for commenting x

  7. Oh dear! We had a bad sickness bug just before Easter (we heard the cough!), but at least we weren’t going away! At least the llamas were amused! Hope the kids recovered quickly. #justanotherlinky

    1. Yes that was definitely one plus point for the weekend, the llamas at least were thoroughly entertained haha. Both kids are fighting fit again now thank you. I think they’ve very kindly shared it with me, but sharing’s caring so that’s lovely! 🙂 Hope you’re all recovered too. Thanks for reading x

  8. Oh no Dawn your poor weekend. Kids just don’t get the don’t be ill on mini break rule. Hope everyone is well now & you get to go away again soon. #bigpinklink Lifeinthemumslane

    1. Thanks Emma. The kids are great now thanks. Me – not so much, but I think that’s just life with kids isn’t it? At least one of you shall be ill at all times! (And at least I don’t tend to throw up in bed!) #bonus 😉 Thank you for reading and commenting lovely x

    1. I think brave is one word for it… foolish would probably be more accurate haha. We’re definitely tryers! Hope you get to brave a weekend one day soon, and may your bedding remain free of lumps! 🙂 Thank you for reading xx

  9. What a palava! Exactly what I dread happening on a nice getaway (though Archie’s managed to be ill on every holiday so far, I think). Amazing poem again though, you are so so talented (and hilarious). Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  10. Hi Dawn, another excellent rhyme! I’m guessing your mini break was a bit of a disaster? I think our worst sickness disaster was when we took the children to see the carnival and our daughter was ‘off colour’, only to have her start throwing up as I held her in my arms whilst watching the carnival. Luckily the people in front were pretty nifty on their feet, and having got to the front of the crowd (due to projectile vomiting), we had to make a hasty retreat home. It turned out to be the start of the chicken pox.

    Parents really shouldn’t go anywhere too far whilst the children are under eighteen, it never works out!


  11. Oh sorry that you’ve had such a bad time and your break fell flat. What a disappointment! As usual, you’ve managed to put such a funny and positive spin on it with your rhymes that I couldn’t help but laugh! Hope you manage to get away again before your kids are 18. #BigPinkLink xx

  12. This is BRILLIANT!!! I’m in the van with my hubs & read it to him, (I don’t usually do that!!), & he said it was very very good. I’m so sorry you had such a rubbish break, I’ve had a few very similar experiences trust me! Thanks for linking up again! #bigpinklink

  13. Oh you do make me chuckle! I’m sorry your trip away didn’t quite go to plan though. We have just planned a few days away and I am wondering what calamity will befall us! #coolmumclub

  14. I’m in awe of your sick rhyming skills Dawn…see what I did there? In seriousness though you made this unfortunate episode not only funny and engaging, but in rhyme? You are one clever lady.
    Hope the little ones are better! There is always next time!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

    1. Thank you hun! ? All that kept me going was the fact that sick is quite an easy word to rhyme with! I kept chanting “blog fodder” whilst scrubbing vomit out of sheets 😉 They’re all much better now thank you. At home. Being bored… bless em! Thanks for the lovely comment xx

  15. Oh no our little man had a similar bug – they pick their moments right? Hilarious writing though, really enjoyed it, hopefully your next break will be more successful #coolmumclub

  16. Aww no you poor thing! What an utterly miserable holiday! I always say there is NO SUCH THING AS A HOLIDAY WITH KIDS! ? Hope everyone is feeling much better now. Amazing rhyming skills by the way! X #bigpinklink

    1. Thanks lovely! Yeah it was definitely not one of our greatest holidays to date. I’m sure it won’t be the last that’s plagued with tantrums and vomit, such is the life of a parent eh? They’re both much better now though. Thanks so much for reading xx

  17. What a nightmare! Why do kids wait until you have holiday plans to get sick? That llama cafe is brilliant, though. I’d love to go back there with my daughter – not while she has the lurgy, of course. #dreamteam

  18. Absolutely brilliant! Not your holiday of course 😉 but sorry it didn’t go as planned but kids do wait for holidays to be sick ! Hope one day you can go back and actually have a nice time! #DreamTeam

    1. You would think that I have… but you would be wrong. I’m still useless at judging whether it’s an actual lurgy or just a whinge because “socks” or something else that’s potentially rattled a small person’s cage haha x

  19. Oh dear, I really shouldn’t be smiling but your poem is just brilliant! I’m sorry the kids were unwell and hope they are feeling much better now! I probably would have done the same and gone for the break anyway! #DreamTeam

  20. Oh no, what a nightmare! We had a similar break away, at New Year last year. Our whole lodge smelt of vomit! Not exactly the serene break away I had envisaged! I hope this Easter is kinder to you! #dreamteam

  21. oh dear that doesn’t sound fun. On the bright side your post is very funny! I so emphathise with the sheets in the bath. Been there! #dreamteam

  22. Oh goodness, sickness is bad enough without being on holiday as well! No way to escape it and you feel worse about getting everything in a mess. Fingers crossed for future breaks 🙂 #DreamTeam

  23. Oh dear! It happens to us all from time to time when plans go awry. I am left wondering if you are writing poems in your head as stuff happens #DreamTeam

  24. Ooooh noooo! What a rubbish trip! Why do these things always happen when you’ve got something nice planned?? We were all poorly over Christmas this year so we had to cancel seeing family, a trip which we re-arranged for last week…. and then the snow took over! So we still haven’t had our trip. Typical! Haha. #dreamteam

  25. Oooohhhhh noooo!!! LOL I remember reading this one before and thinking what rotten luck. I know THAT cough extremely well now. It’s the start of the end (of most adventures). A cottage break does sound lovely though. #DreamTeam xxx

  26. Oh no Dawn!!! That sounds like the exact opposite of a break! It’s always hard to be sick when away from home because you don’t have the necessities on hand. I’m so glad no one got sick on the car ride home, that would have been the worst ending to a hard night. #DreamTeam

    1. I do actually have an “in case of vomit” box in the car at all times which includes rubber gloves, plastic bags, cleaning wipes, spare clothes, anti bac foam and air freshener! 😂 You can never be too careful with my two. Ironically we took it out for this trip to make room for the cases! 🙈 xx

  27. That’s the worst! When you plan a vacation, even for a weekend and the kids get sick either on the way there or after you’ve settled in. I hope your kids are better now and I hope next time you take a break, the kids aren’t sick on you:) #DreamTeam

  28. Mine have been little agents of germ warfare for weeks now! What to do. I hope you get another shot of fun soon, for everyones sake, and I hope your little is much better.
    #dreamteam xo

  29. oh Dawn 🙁 so sorry to read about a poorly family trip. nothing worse than being away from your own beds (and washing machine) when the kids are unwell.
    However… I have never heard of the Llama Cafe or Lama Pajama B&B so am off to check it out , check m temperature and maybe book myself in
    Hope the kids are better now xxxxx Fab poem as ever

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