For carpet time, for show and tell, for glitter, paint and glue. For Biff and Chip and Kipper, not forgetting Floppy too. For number bonds and phonics and for counting up in fives, For funky camels, disco stars and Christmassy hand-jives. For building tiny characters and cheering on their wins. For making cardboard spaceships with… Continue reading For The Teachers, As Miss Tot Graduates Reception Class.
As soon as the first one pops out of your tum, The world wants to know when the next one will come!? ‘Who will she play with though each Christmas Day?’ And ‘Give her a playmate!’ the *lovely* folk say. But then once you’re seen with a bump AND a tot. The tone seems to… Continue reading The Thing About Siblings…
Hey. Frazzled parent. I’m talking to you. YOU: Stealth eating Smarties whilst hid in the loo. Yes you – that is always a teensy bit late, As you spin half the world and its chores on a plate. YOU: that scrolls Insta and lets out a sigh, Whilst secretly poking “#blessedmum” in the eye. You… Continue reading We Need To Talk About the Conditions of my Imprisonment …And Other Funny Parenting Stories
. “What day is it?” “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet. “My favorite day,” said Pooh. ― A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh People often ask me when I started writing poems, and the truth is I’ve written them for as long as I can remember. Before the blog my rhyming ramblings were written into cards as a… Continue reading All About The Happies for International Day of Happiness!
Dear Offspring. I love you. Of that there’s no doubt. But you’ve learned a new skill and it’s making me shout. Along with your new-found vocabulary, You’ve developed a yearning to need stuff – from me! I’ve always been there to attend to your needs, Through all of the teething and endless night feeds. But… Continue reading Ode to my Tiny Taskmasters…
If you ask any parent their idea of fun, It would most likely NOT be an icy school run. I peered through the window at seven this morning, The Arctic had landed. Without prior warning. The car was a snowball. The road looked like glass. The path had transformed to a treacherous pass. Not a… Continue reading A School Run On Ice.
One of the first ‘grown up’ poems I ever read as a child was Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy By Robert Frost. I was 9 years old and our teacher had set us all the challenge of learning it off by heart to recite in front of the class. It must have had… Continue reading Stopping By The House On A Mummy’s Evening. (A Parody.)
Dear Santa. At this time of year you’re quite a busy chap. And I’m sorry to disturb you from your almost year-long nap, It’s just that as a parent I’m afraid it seems to me, That things are somewhat lacking with your elf security. I would not dare suggest that your North Pole control is… Continue reading Dear Santa… (A Rhyme)
A parenting parody based on Julia Donaldson’s brilliant children’s book Day Monkey Night Monkey. The light shone bright at the playgroup, ‘I’m Right’ Mummy sat sipping tea. She tutted and growled as ‘My Way’ Mummy scowled, And thought ‘She should do it like me!’ My Way Mummy tried not to notice, That I’m Right Mummy… Continue reading ‘I’m Right’ Mummy, ‘My Way’ Mummy. A Parody.
This ghastly occurrence, did (Would you believe?) Unfold on that day we call All Hallows Eve… I’d decided to knock up a mean “zombie stew”, Which has all the same stuff in as chilli! Who knew? 😉 Now a good zombie stew contains beans, so of course I cut open a tin and then crushed… Continue reading The Zombie Stew, The Blood and The Biscuit Tin…