Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

The Chocolate Shop Incident…

Image shows a festive shop filled with candy and chocolate displays.

T’was the month before Christmas and chocolate was sought,
Certain calendars needed which had to be bought.
So a shop* was thus entered…
(*I’ll make up a fake – and we’ll just call it “Worntons” for arguments sake).

So we all galloped in, both the tots and pushchair,
Each merrily skittling fudge everywhere.
The boy, from his chariot summoned great strength,
As he strained to destroy all the things at arms length.

I picked up two calendars. Simple. Job done.
And I smirked with smug glee as the tots each chose one.
But then panic set in – they were on 3 for 2?
So I glanced round the shelves not quite sure what to do?

I counted my offspring. Just two. And not three.
Should I pop out one more? (Seemed quite hard-core to me?)
So I frantically searched for alternative loot,
Wildly grabbing at Snowdogs and marzipan fruit.

But each piece of confection, whilst looking quite nice,
Fell short as quite frankly was not the right price.
As we all know to win at the 3 for 2 game,
The three things you’re buying MUST ALL COST THE SAME!

So I marched round in circles with pushchair and tot,
Seeking ultimate value whilst losing the plot.
We had knocked over several chocolate box piles,
When a lady approached with a plateful of “Smiles”.

The Boy grabbed a choc which in seconds was gone.
While the Girl took around half an hour to chose one.
As her hand hovered over the plate with intent,
With the nice lady striving to meet where it went.

But I sensed she was starting to lose her good will,
So I grabbed the first box and we dashed to the till.
The lady (relieved that our shopping was done),
Said she’d ice on their names which I thought sounded fun!

So I spelled out with pleasure and searched for my purse,
Leaving little Miss Tot free to give it her worst!
I glanced up to search, she was stood at my right,
But in less than 4 seconds had slipped out of sight!

I quickly spun round – all three sixty degrees,
And there she was, just on my left if you please!
…With warm melted chocolate all over her cheek…
…I gaped like a fish, quite unable to speak!

Image shows melted chocolate

The chocolate fountain was right at her side,
As she licked at her chocolaty hand with such pride.
I considered my options. Not sure what to do.
Then I guiltily shuffled my tot out of view.

Whilst mumbling something both quiet and mean,
And wondering whether her stunt had been seen.
I glanced at the lady, not sure what to say,
But her static expression gave nothing away?

So I grabbed for a wipe and I cleaned Miss Tot’s face,
As we all shuffled out of the shop in disgrace!
With The Girl sadly wailing “I tried to be good!”
Whilst we bolted away just as fast as we could.

And so all through December with each daily binge,
I shall think of that fountain and inwardly cringe.
I’ll apologise now on behalf of my tot,
To all those who indulged in a chocolaty shot.

I should have confessed and I feel pretty mean,
(And I’m hoping to God that her hands were quite clean?)
But in future dear Worntons, I vow to stay clear
And I’ll order our goodies online for next year!

Yours guiltily.

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74 thoughts on “The Chocolate Shop Incident…

  1. You are a genius!
    This is my fave poem of your yet, but then I am impartial to a Worntons, and I may have had fleeting moments where I imagine standing under a chocolate fountain !!!
    Onwards and upwards Xmas16 !!
    Big love, Lyns xxx

    1. To be fair you could probs pop round to mine as apparently all chocolate fountain shananigans are apparently not noticed at my local Worntons? We could just test the limits and see how long one of us could get away with having our head under it before someone stops us? We’ll take The Girl. She can give us tips! πŸ˜‰ Thank you lovely Lyns! *bloghugs* xx

  2. Your Worntorns has a chocolate fountain??!!!If I went I’d stick both hands in πŸ˜‰

    Ours closed down so we’re safe but I can imagine this being something my daughter would absolutely do and I think I’d do exactly what you did πŸ˜€ xx

    1. I have a sneaky suspicion that ours will soon have closed down also. Possibly due to some sort of chocolate fountain related scandal!? ? I am convinced that she can’t be the first child to do this? I mean it’s right there! Next to the till! At child height!? Thank you for the reassurance though lovely. I am clearly in excellent company. ? xx

    1. I totally admit that the telling off was more of a token gesture. I was 50% mortified and 50% thinking “Yep. That’s my girl!” Never shall I shop for chocolate with offspring again. It was never going to work really was it? πŸ˜‰ x

  3. Oh this is just brilliant and had my lol-ing all the way through. The images this conjured up were just priceless! I’ll think of you when I work my way through my advent calendar, probably not from Worntons πŸ˜‰

  4. Ha ha ha love it. I ordered my kids calenders on line. You’re far braver than me. I would never go into a chocolate shop with my two especially one with a chocolate fountain. I have enough trouble with mine in the news agents and end up having to pay out for things that I never intended to.

    (Unhinged mummy stopping by from #marvmondays).

    1. I somehow missed the chocolate fountain all together until it was too late. I don’t think brave is the right word. I can think of many alternative words (idiotic / naive etc etc) but brave is probably not one of them haha. Thanks lovely x

  5. Hahaha I love it. So funny. Shopping with little ones is hard work, especially in chocolate shops. These days my daughter wants chocolate all the time so I couldn’t risk the tantrum I know would inevitably happen.

  6. I would like to say this is hilarious (it is, really!) but I feel laughing at this will come back to bite me on the bottom as I can totally imagine Alfie doing this if he was ever let close enough to a chocolate fountain!! I think our local Wortons have theirs behind the till – they’ve obviously had a child-related incident and learnt their lesson! Fab post, as always #MarvMondays

    1. I’m not entirely sure how I missed this one. It was right next to me as I was wrestling the frustrated toddler in his pushchair and trying to find my purse whilst spelling out my children’s names to the… oh. Wait. Yep. That’s probably how I missed it ? Ah well. We live and learn. Thanks so much hon x

  7. I am so envious of your writing skills. This is amazing! Made me smile. I could picture the cheeky little hand going into the fountain as I read. To be honest, it’s their fault for making it so accessible to little people! #DreamTeam

    1. Hurray! Thank you Angela. My thought exactly! Why put it at child height next to the till where parents are trying to find money etc? (Although I couldn’t have rushed her out of there any quicker if I’d tried haha). Thank you so much for your lovely comment x

  8. I quite literally could not love your poems any more if I tried but clearly you should have got an extra advent calendar for yourself! Wonderful as always! #coolmumclub xx

  9. HeHe, thanks for writing this. As I read it I could see my daughter doing exactly the same! Note to self, keep daughter away from ‘Worntons’!
    Those 3 for 2 deals really addle my baby brain too.

  10. Oh bless you! Theres never a good ending when it comes to little ones and chocolates, my one would have been exactly the same. I blame the shop, a fountain full of chocolate cant be a smart idea around christmas πŸ˜‰ Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

    1. It had disaster written all over it really didn’t it? Ah well, I bet she can’t have been the first and won’t be the last I’m sure. They’ll probably be a fence around it next time I go in (if I ever dare!) Thanks for hosting lovely x

  11. Hey Dawn, every time I read one of you poems I think ‘this is class!’ and then I read another and the just get better and better – how do you do that?! Whatever wine you are drinking to make that happen, I want some hehe!! Great stuff.

    1. Haha thank you Ross! It’s definitely not wine though – I’m not allowed anywhere near any form of social media after drinking. There would be utter carnage! Carnage I tell you haha! Very happy to send you some virtual wine though if that helps? Thanks again for the lovely bloglove! ?

  12. Aww how did I miss this?!! It’s fabulously chocolatey!! If it makes you feel any better a certain little person that we’ll call Baby Wighty for arguments sake did exactly the same thing with the chocolate fountain at his friend’s first birthday party… ?

  13. Haha, brilliant! To be fair, kids have some kind of internal chocolate dectector so the fountain was just begging for a little hand. I hate 3 for 2 offers too. They always lure you in as I hate missing out on a good deal, but always end up spending more on stuff I really didn’t need. Hope you have enough chocolate to see you into the NY! πŸ™‚

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