Christmas · Humour · Rhyme

Dear Christmas…

Image shows hot chocolate and Christmas cookies

Dear Christmas.

I’m sorry to write you this rhyme,
And it’s breaking my heart but I think that it’s time.

The two of us met just a few weeks ago,
And it shames me to say that I let myself go.

You gave me new life, I discovered my elf,
And I ate all the goodies in spite of myself.

I ate all the turkey, the chocolate foundue,
Those warm Christmas cookies – I ate them up too.

I frolicked in Baileys and chomped all the cheese,
Those naughty Lindt truffles – you fabulous tease!

And with all of the wine that was slung down my throat,
I’m convinced that my innards were somehow afloat?

But I heated mince pies with meticulous grace
Then I lovingly stuffed them all into my face.

And with frenzied abandon I cared not who saw,
As although I was sated I still wanted more!

And Dear Christmas, I loved it, But see, here’s the thing.
This whole big affair was for me, just a fling.

I know it may seem we were perfectly matched,
But I’m starting to feel that you’ve got quite attached?

I’ve noticed you seem to be hanging around,
And you’re clinging on desperately pound after pound.

I glance in the mirror and there you are placed,
Holding on for dear life to my hips and my waist.

I don’t want to be hurtful or callous or cruel,
And I’m not trying to take you for some kind of fool,

But no more sugar coating – It’s not you it’s me.
I’m just not in the market for mon”hog”amy

And I’m trying to spring into Jan as you do,
But the fact is dear Christmas I’m dragging you too!

And it’s been an adventure but frankly my friend,
It is time this liaison was brought to an end.

I want to go back to the girl from before,
And not have to inhale just to get through a door.

And I do quite like brocolli, I know it seems strange,
But I’m scared that my scales might have shot out of range.

So: To all of the things that I’ve happened to trough:

It was nice to have had you,

But please bugger off!

Image shows star shaped Christmas cookies in a shooting star format

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168 thoughts on “Dear Christmas…

  1. This is so funny- I know exactly how you feel: Christmas seems to be hanging around my person too!! But I don’t regret the 5 chocolate want as and 4 boxes of chocolates or the 8 roast dinners within 10 days. I don’t regret that at all…!! Hehe xxx

  2. Dawn! This had me grinning like a cheshire cat…As I sit here donning my gym kit for the first time IN FOREVER!!!! We are all off to our new gym! Lets see how long this particular resolution lasts. Brilliant, as always. #DreamTeam

  3. Haha love this, I’m feeling exactly the same. The baby weight I managed to shift has all piled back on thanks to Christmas! I have still got a cupboard full of biscuits and chocolate to eat so there’s no point doing any dieting until that’s gone, looks like Christmas is going to be hanging around for a bit longer here xx #dreamteam

    1. I’ve had to hide all the boxes of unopened biscuits and chocs in the garage. I’m quite good if things aren’t opened but once they are I have the willpower of a carrot! There’s no hope for me! Enjoy lovely. Happy New Year xx

  4. The whole of Christmas seems to have moved in to my hips! But, there’s still chocolates left…So the cut backs start next week. Unless I buy more! #dreamteam

  5. Hee hee I polished off the last piece of Christmas cake off last night (washed down with a large glass of Merlot!) but there’s still SO MUCH STUFF. I’m quite happy to nibble my way through it until at least early Spring though, just in time for the Easter eggs πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ #dreamteam

  6. lol, oh gosh that is classic! So funny, I don’t know how you do it so brilliantly! I just got back from a night in the city with hubby and we totally over indulged, in 3 weeks I have to get into a bathing suit when I go away with my 3 very slim, very tall, best friends!!!! I totally need to stop eating so much lol

    1. I feel your pain. I had to wear a swimming costume on New Years Day. I’m sure it was definitely riding a bit further up my bum than is actually considered decent due to all the Christmas! ? Hope you had a fab time away lovely! X

  7. So funny and true, although this year I have eaten very little thanks to being germ ridden. So looking forward to more rhymes in 2017, they never cease to bring a smile to my face. Thank you so much #DreamTeam xxx

  8. Hahaha I love this and know exactly what you mean. I ate far too much cheese over the festive period. Luckily our fridge seems pretty empty now so it’s time to refill it with lots of veg and no cheese! #dreamteam

  9. Haha, this is one of my favourite rhymes yet! I didn’t eat too much this Christmas but I was definitely too sofa-bound, even with a toddler. Oh must exercise.

    Another fab rhyme! Hope you’ve managed to give Christmas the slip now.


  10. Is it bad that I say reading this eating a chocolate Santa and drinking tea?! Suppose it could be worse, I could be drinking wine?! Or Baileys?! But I’ve got to get the bad stuff out of the house, right?!!!

    Happy first fulltime day on #DreamTeam, long may it continue! xxx

      1. Only me, popping on by from #DreamTeam. Another year, another January feeling this!! In fact I definitely felt it as I put on my tight grey jumper dress this morning which felt, well, somewhat tighter still!! Healthy eating starts…sometime soon!! xxx

    1. Have to admit I’m not a big Christmas fan.
      You’re Rhyme did make me chuckle but hasn’t persuaded me to be Buddy the Elf next year!

      I do love a mince pie or six! I’m the only one that eats them in my house. Result!!
      We had a hairy moment when Little Miss OMG looked like she might like them. Thankfully she didn’t.

      Thanks for linking up to #wineandboobs

  11. Christmas is still clinging on for dear life in our household!! We’re fed up with the decorations still up but can’t be bothered to take them down yet! …..must do it before Easter πŸ˜‰ #DreamTeam x

    1. I adore it and I’m already looking forward to the next one – but I think I actually prefer the looking forward to it more than the actual event? Once it’s done it needs to go forth and take my wobbly bits with it! ? Thank you x

  12. Ha! Brilliant as always. I love Christmas, but when it’s over it’s over. My OH wont let me take the decorations down until this weekend and I’m itching to get it all away now. #DreamTeam

    Nadia – Scandimummy x

    1. I’m so fickle in that I cling onto it frantically between Christmas and New Year but once it’s the 2nd Jan it needs to be gone immediately! Good luck taking them all down this weekend. I found a little bit of leftover Baileys helped! πŸ™‚ x

  13. I’m totally with you here! So we still have a barrel of Celebrations on the go, a whole cupboard of snacks and more biscuits than I care to admit. It’s like Christmas is refusing to leave gah! Lovely poem as always – thank you for co-hosting #dreamteam with Annette and I xx

    1. That’s the only thing with Christmas isn’t it? We always buy too much of everything just to make sure that we have a full selection at all times, and so we end up ploughing through the remains for weeks! Still it makes January more fun! ? Thank you for having me to co-host with you! It’s fab to be part of your #DreamTeam xx

  14. You are so stinkin’ clever, I can hardly stand it! I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who doesn’t feel the same. I have tucked my scales underneath a table in such a way that it will take REAL effort to free it. I also just realized last night when I went to put another bottle of wine into my wine fridge that THERE ARE NO MORE BOTTLES. What the hell? I bought Lord-knows-how-many magnums and they are ALL gone? I’d like to think that it was due to the company that we had, but in my heart of hearts, I know it was me.

    Personally (and this is TERRIBLE), I can always take comfort in knowing that I can go out any old day of the week and I WILL spot a woman who has a fatter ass than me….guaranteed! πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the giggles! #DreamTeam

    1. Hahaha I love it! I’ve been trying my hardest to break my scales but the bloody things are defying all of my attempts and insist on telling me that all of the mince pies have indeed moved onto my ass and taken up permanent residence! Bleughh! Thank you for your fab comment – really made me smile! Xx

  15. Absolutely hilarious as always! I indulged far too much over Christmas but you just can’t say no! Or at least I can’t anyway. #DreamTeam

    1. Oh my word what a lovely thing to read? I’ve just pointed this in my hubby’s face i’m THAT proud of it. I haven’t, but would blimmin love to … If I thought for one second I could convince them that I know what the fudge I’m actually doing? So much bloglove and actual love back at you. Thank you. x

    1. Aw thank you for popping by lovely. My hubby’s parents have just hosted a post Christmas dinner for the family which has helped clear out the last of their goodies. We’ve still got loads so we might have to host a post post Christmas feast! ? xx

  16. β€˜It’s not you, it’s me’ ! Haha. Missed this last year as I was a newbie blogger and not discovered you all yet!
    Christmas….he does get about doesn’t he?
    Great rhyme as always.

  17. Sounds like my Christmas and what a great way to end 2017 and bring on 2018! Keep smiling, keep laughing and I wouldn’t say no to another glass on wine. Happy New Year! #DreamTeam

  18. hahahahaha. that is so funny and true. I find myself sitting here right now stuffing in one last mince pie that’s still hanging around because I really must be shot of Christmas by this coming weekend!!!! I’ve already snuck as much as I dare out to the chickens – today they had whats left of the Christmas pudding – i wonder if the eggs will taste of cinnamon tomorrow? They’ve had everything except left over turkey (just seems wrong to give my birds, bird) and i discovered that given the choice they’ll forgo the sprouts and parsnips – and, boy, have they had the choice.
    We still have Christmas alongside us at the moment. tomorrow we are in London with our 3 sons and our grandson, as we still have their gifts – further remnants of the Xmas excess are coming with us. And we have a belated Christmas meal at a local hotel on Friday… after that, i promise, its goodbye Christmas 2017 and hello booze and chocolate free til Easter

    1. Well to me that sounds like the perfect start to the New Year! Hope you have an amazing time this weekend – but please do let me know if the eggs do taste of cinnamon! There must be a market for that hehe. (Ps. If reincarnation is a thing and I come back as a bird please may I come and be one if yours! 😊) Happy New Year xx

  19. I was ill over Christmas and didn’t eat a thing so I’m making up for it now. I’m trying to make the chocolate last though. #dreamteam

  20. Christmas as a fling – wow, never thought of it that way:)
    No regrets here either (saying this while making mental note of new year resolution to hit the treadmill while I’m still finishing the last of the Christmas pudding and brandy cream)

  21. Hi, loved reading this as always, I couldn’t wait to getting back to normality and starting the day with Weetabix not rich treats. I will no get excited for its return later in the year #DreamTeam

  22. Brilliant, Dawn, as always! It’s been a couple years now since I began limiting myself to not more than 6 teaspoons of sugar in a day (because cutting it out altogether is simply not realistic or sustainable over the long haul), and the best thing about it is that it eliminates cravings. So no matter what the occasion and how vast the selection of cakes, pies, etc, I can just pick out one or two bites (mmm … mince pies) and be done AND happy! All the best with your running programme (I wish I could run, but my knees can’t take it!).

    1. I’m always so inspired by your balanced approach to sugar Jean. Especially with your baking skills! I loved getting out running in the spring and managed to get up to 5k which was a big achievement for me having never run before. I’m just waiting for the lighter mornings so that I can get out again now! Thank you – and Happy New Year! xx

  23. I’d love to agree but I’ve had no affair with Christmas this year. In fact I’ve been too sick to indulge. The downside of this is that Christmas goodies are still hanging around, but I’m sure my family will get rid of them before I feel well again. At least I don’t have to inhale to get through doors πŸ™‚

  24. Hahah I love this Dawn, another classic from you! I too am craving broccoli, Im sick of eating crap and feeling ready for a Nanna nap at 2pm each day! I need to get back to normal!! #dreamteam

  25. *giggles – I’m the same Dawn. The trousers are tight and I’m starting to think that all the extra chocolate goodies were not a great idea. Our cupboards are still stacked. It’s almost like a never ending supply. #Dreamteam xx

  26. I love this, so well done! And I definitely know the feeling – I wish Christmas would bugger off too – and I even thought I was being good this year but felt a palpable (and prod-able) difference when I tried putting my pole shorts on in the new year :/

    And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your β€œI’ve been featured” blog badge πŸ™‚

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