At this time of year you’re quite a busy chap.
And I’m sorry to disturb you from your almost year-long nap,
It’s just that as a parent I’m afraid it seems to me,
That things are somewhat lacking with your elf security.
I would not dare suggest that your North Pole control is lapse,
But standards could be slipping?
Whilst you eat mince pies perhaps?
Perhaps there are occasions when your sleigh is left unmanned?
And your sack gets infiltrated with all sorts of contraband!?
I would not like to question your supreme integrity,
But all these passing years must take their toll eventually?
Perhaps job satisfaction isn’t quite as you would hope?
With all this new technology perhaps it’s hard to cope?
But really Father Christmas it’s not difficult to see:
Remote control tarantulas should not be ‘neath my tree!! (#truestory)
And last year, for our pre-school tot, a keyboard had been wrapped?
Full size and fully functioning.
(The sender ought’ be slapped!)
The recommended age of “8” was scribble-changed to “3”?
Which made it age appropriate?
It seems that our requests have been rejected just of late,
I hate to moan, you have a lot (of mince pies) on your plate.
But our children ask for yo-yos as we parents watch them – proud!
Then end up with a heap of things all flashy, huge and LOUD?
Unless there is another cause, one which I shouldn’t name…
… But could it be that GRANDPARENTS might be the ones to blame?
Maybe it’s the grand-folk that are challenging your sack?
Offloading noisy gifts without receipts to take them back?
Perhaps it’s a conspiracy from all those sleepless nights?
Back when we too were toddlers and behaved like little sugar plums?
That’s it! The pesky grandparents! It’s them! Without a doubt!
Let’s put them on the naughty list please – that should sort them out!
Thanks for listening Santa, and I’m pleased we got that straight.
It’s nearly Christmas-eve now so it’s time to sit and wait.
And now that you’re aware of all these rogue activities
There shall be quiet, fluffy things beneath our Christmas trees?
…Although. I heard my two make their polite requests this year,
And hearing what they wished for made my eyes fill with a tear.
“A microphone!” said Big Girl “And a lovely pink guitar!”
Whilst Small Boy whispered “DRUM KIT!“
(Aren’t we blessed! Oh yes we are!)
I trust that you’ll deliver, and I do not mean to bleat.
But maybe just this one year…
Could they come with a receipt?
To all the grandparents on their mission to sneak the most irritating toys possible into Santa’s sleigh this year.
Thank you – we love you really, and Christmas wouldn’t be the same without you!
Wishing all of you a very merry Christmas and a wonderful new year!
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