family · Humour · Motherhood · Parenting · Poem · Rhyme · Toddler

Four in the bed…

So this holiday was a bit of a milestone for our tribe, in that it was the first time we had attempted to travel without a cot for the little man.

True to tradition we decided to break up our journey to Center Parcs with an overnight stay at a well know hotel chain.  We trundled down the corridor clutching our key and opened the door to see a row of four beds filling the entire room. Almost like one giant super-bed you might say? For a super comfy nights sleep as a family. Which brings me to my rhyme. Not a rhyme in the typical sense this time, but based on a well known nursery rhyme…

In honour of our first night cot free in a family room for four:

There were four in the bed and the little one said “WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!”

So they all rolled over and one got out and said:
“What time is it?”
“It must be too dark for him.”
“I’ll put the bathroom light on.”

*bathroom extractor fan kicks in sounding like a rusty lawnmower*

“I’ll switch it off again.”
“It is dark though.”
“I’ll put the telly on with no volume.”
“Ooh that’s bright.”
“I’ll just get a towel and put that over it.”
“There.  That’s nice.”

There were four in the bed and the second biggest one said:

“What if the TV overheats and bursts into flames because of the towel?”

So they all rolled over and one fell out….

“I’d better take it off.”
“It is dark though”.
“What if I just try and find a dark channel that’s on some sort of screensaver?”

There were three in the bed and the biggest one said:

“What the chuff are you doing with that remote?”
“Give it here!”
“Bloody faffing about….”

There were four in the bed and the little one said:


So they all rolled over and one fell out…

“I think he might be too hot.”
“Do you think he’s hot?”
“Ooh look a fan!”
“I’ll just put this fan on….”

There were three in the bed and the biggest one said:

“What’s the point of putting a fan on?”
“That’s just going to circulate warm air!”
“Open the window instead.”
“I know we’re on the ground floor but we definitely need to open the window.”

There were four in the bed and the biggest one said:

“It’s a bit noisy with that window open.”
“Shall we put the fan on?”

*Fan kicks in and sounds like a bull-frog farting in custard*

There were four in the bed and the little one said:


“Do you think he’s thirsty?”
“Shall I make him some juice?”

There were four in the bed and the biggest one said:

“He doesn’t need any juice.”
“He isn’t going to dehydrate throughout the night.  He’s fine.”

*A few moments silence*

There were four in the bed and the biggest one said:

“I think I’d like some juice.”

So they all rolled over and one got out…

*Distributes four glasses of juice around the room.*

*Turns lights off and gets back into bed.*

There were four in the bed and the little one said:


“I think he might be teething.”
“His cheeks look very red!”
“I think he might have a fever!”
“The capol is in the case in the car!”

*rummages in various bags and cases*

“Ooh I’ve found some calpol!”

There were four in the bed and the second littlest one bolted upright and assumed the alert meerkat position and said:

“He’s trying to climb into my bed!”
“Get ooooofffffff!”

*Kicks wildly with her feet at the sleeping boy*

So they all rolled over and one got out…

“I’m just going to get in with him.”
“Miss Tot – you go and get in with Daddy.”

*Climbs over sleeping boy who has assumed starfish position across the two smaller beds*

“It is a bit small this bed.”
“My feet are hanging off the end.”
“Never mind.  I’m tired.  I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

There are four in the bed and the little one said:


So they all rolled over….

*The boy decides to rotate like a Catherine Wheel thus kicking the second biggest one in the face and cutting open her lip with his toe nail*

“Bugger me that stings!!”
“I think it’s bleeding.”
“I’m too tired to bleed.”
“I’ll just have a look in the morning.”

*lays in dark sucking her lip*

There were four in the bed and the second littlest one said: Nothing.  But appeared creepily at the side of the bed with her face unnerving close to that of her sleeping brother.

There were three in the bed and the biggest one said:

“Get back into bed and leave your brother alone!”
“It’s too early!”
“Go back to sleep!”

There were four in the bed and the second biggest one works out that as long as she keeps stroking the little ones feet in anticlockwise patterns, with precisely the correct amount of pressure, he stays quiet and appears as if asleep. She occasionally nods off stops momentarily. At which point the little one screams like he’s being chased by a crocodile.

There were four in the bed and the second biggest one said:

“Pass the remote Daddy Pig.  I think the CBeebies pre 6am repeat loop thingy has started….”

There were none in the bed and the little one said:

“I win!”

Come back travel cot. All is forgiven!

Linking up proudly with…

Rhyming with Wine
Diary of an imperfect mum

100 thoughts on “Four in the bed…

  1. Brilliant brilliant post!! A bullfrog farting in custard! Wow! You have just taken thins thing to a whole new level my friend!

  2. This CRACKED me up!! (By cracked me up I do of course mean that I was sniggering silently because the littlest one in our house was sitting quietly on my lap for the first time today as In the Night Garden is on, and I didn’t want to disturb him back into action with my merriment.) Seriously, it was Miss Tot appearing creepily at her brother’s bedside that finally tipped me over into giggles!! I hope you are at least managing some sleep at Centerparcs!! Xxx

    1. Aw bless your little man, you can always count on ITNG to work its hypnotic magic can’t you haha. Things have definitely improved now thank you. I’ve just woken up from a solid 9 hours, so I’m now off to sprint a marathon or climb a mountain or something. Hurrah! :0) Thanks lovely xx

  3. Haha you go on holiday for a rest and end up being more knackered than ever! Ah the novelty of all being in the same room together. Surprised that tv didn’t get switched on earlier! Haha! Juice? Perhaps a sneaky shot? :-))) thanks for hosting and hope you had fun xx

    1. Yup. Juice. In the middle of the night. That’s what it had come to. Not water. Juice. I think if we had had wine I might have been tempted by 3am! Just ANYTHING! ;0) Thank you lovely. Luckily the rest of the nights got progressively better as the holiday went on and actual sleep was had! #winning xx

  4. Ahh this does not sound like fun! I hope your lip is ok!!Oli and I stayed one night in a hotel with Leo before out holiday last year and it was hell, no way I am doing that again in a hurry xx #Fartglitter

  5. Oh yes! The only way we managed this was to get them going to bed really late so they were so tired that they just passed out! Needless to say, if we stay in a hotel now, it has to have separate single beds and preferably an apartment type layout! The boy was in a travel cot until he literally touched both ends with head and feet (child cruelty!) #fartglitter

    1. I can absolutely see the benefit to travel cots now! (Or baby jail as I affectionately called ours). I think we’ll just be avoiding hotel rooms at all costs until they’re old enough to have one of their own. Each. 😉 Thank you for popping by x

  6. Gosh this is like the diary of a family night we spent in a hotel room in Blackpool. There were only three of us at this point and second biggest one was pregnant with current littlest one. Totally enjoyed the night on the floor with a towel as a duvet! #fartglitter

  7. I’m exhausted from just reading this, you must have been shattered! Even when you’re not rhyming, like in your intro, I always sing-song your posts in my head before realising! Funny post as always #FartGlitter x

  8. I love how your daughter was standing creepily in the dark and later decided to stroke her brother’s foot. What made her think of that? Very funny! Thanks so much for hosting #fartglitter

    1. The creepy face at the bedside did freak me out a bit, although it was me that started the foot stroking. It’s his thing, always stops him whinging, although once you start it with him you’re doomed! Woe betide you if you try to stop haha. Thanks for commenting lovely xx

  9. So funny! When my family stays over at a hotel, our 13-month-old daughters sleeps in the bed with us. It’s the only time we co-sleep. And it’s miserable for the grown-ups! The little one gets a great night’s sleep though. I really enjoyed reading this post! #FartGlitter

  10. Hahaha this really made me chuckle! Oh Dawn, what a nightmare. Hotels are always too hot or too cold, too dark or too light, too loud or too quiet. EVERY time!! Hope Centre Parcs made up for the rubbish journey night. #fartglitter

  11. This is just hilarious, I had to tweet it! I have just one child who is only 4 months but I’m already dreading trying to organise any sort of holiday. Your post definitely did not help matters ?? Very well written. #fartglitter

    1. Ah. Erm. Sorry about that ? What I meant to say was that it all went blissfully and Mr Tumble happened to be in the room next door so he popped around to educate and thoroughly entertain the offspring while hubby and I were free to sit in the (totally pointless) leather armchair thingies and write each other love letters on the complimentary stationery. Yup. Then we all fell asleep in a contented haze at 8pm promptly and woke feeling refreshed and well rested ready for our hearty breakfast. Or something. Yes, I definitely meant to say that it went a bit like that…. #sorry ? Thanks for commenting and sharing lovely. Dawn xx

  12. Haha! Fantastic. We had our first cotless hotel night the night before Britmums. After travelling for 27 hours. With jetlag. In the world’s smallest hotel room and bed. Fun times indeed. I couldn’t even see the humour now to write about it so I salute you x


    1. I’m not sure if it was humour or hysteria to be honest. There’s a fine line sometimes ? I gratefully accept your salute and send it back with sprinkles on and possibly some vodka! 27 hours of travelling with a toddler???? *shudders* Salute! Salute! Salute! Xx

  13. Sounds like quite a night!The Popple is no fan of the travel cot, but our co-sleeping days were a bit of a disaster, so I think we’ll be sticking with it until she’s big enough for a bed of her own. #fartglitter

  14. Why do we do it to ourselves…the times one of us has woken up asleep outside the bed in the praying position, just our head on the mattress. Anything so the BUBs can sleep. There are five of us now and I’m told this means we’ll often be looking at two separate hotel rooms now anyway. What a shame. Single for me then… #fartglitter

    1. Bahahahagahaha. Sorry. *composes self* Yes I’m sure it’ll be very restful. ? In all seriousness you’ll probably be fine. We’ve stayed in them a number of times and generally the kids have been fine. It was the lack of travel cot this time that caused the mayhem. Good luck lovely 🙂 x

  15. You have such a way with words!
    Sounds like a horrendous night, but definately bring back the mesh jail until they can stay in their own room with siblings!

  16. OMG – you have really captured the agony that is sharing a room with offspring! Funnily enough we have a night away coming up this weekend in a ‘well known chain hotel’ with the giant 4 beds stuck together effectively arrangement! I do love lying in the dark (with the bathroom light on and the door open ajar) waiting for the overexcited tweenagers to finally go to sleep! I was with the 2nd biggest who said that the TV might catch on fire with a towel over it. v funny post #fartglitter

  17. Sounds like you had a GREAT night’s sleep! We have the opposite problem in that Alfie won’t sleep in his travel cot and much prefers starfishing in the bed with mummy and Daddy! Hope you got more sleep at Centre Parcs #fartglitter

    1. I just don’t understand how such tiny creatures seem to take up so much room? It’s like their limbs suddenly extend during sleep (Mostly to kick me in the face apparently?) Center Parcs was brill thank you lovely x

    1. I’m guessing that half of the hotel was probably filled with traumatised parents. They need to cotton onto this and just create one giant travel cot for the children with a member of staff to supervise while we parents snooze on beanbags at the side. They are so missing a trick! 😉 x

  18. Oh God the sharing a hotel room thing is just a nightmare from start to finish- you made me laugh out loud with the custard comment – the thing is I can imagine exactly what noise you were thinking of so it was perfectly described! 🙂 Oh I feel your pain but at least you are able to laugh about it (now!) xx #fartglitter

  19. You never fail to make me giggle. I had to literally put my hand over my mouth as I’ve two sleeping babies in the room with me. #FartGlitter

  20. hahaha! i know that feeling. We learnt fast to always have a cot…and put it in the bathroom. So you can enjoy a little vino in the dark in silence in the bedroom… #KCACOLS

  21. HAHA hilarious, I laughed out loud!! We also learned the hard way to always pack a travel cot and yet with six of us and only one family hotel room, we’ve had to stretch the truth a bit about the number of occupants and last year had five of us in the same bed and the baby in the cot beside us. Safe to say nobody got a wink of sleep! This year we are packing two travel cots and a sleeping bag!!! #fartglitter

  22. Sounds like you had an awesome, relaxing time!! Our little one has decided he quite enjoys sleeping in normal single beds now so our Center Parcs night times were almost unnervingly peaceful, with him in the second bedroom!

  23. haha Dawn you have summed up so much of the family drama that comes with all sleeping together in one room with kids. The things us parents do to settle, soothe and get our kids to sleep!! Hope you had a fab time. Such a great, funny post that had be nodding away remembering what those days were like. Tor xx #coolmumsclub

    1. Thank you Tor. It’s such a relief to know that going by your comment things do actually get easier at some point? (Possibly when they’re old enough to have their own room I’m guessing?) 😉 Thanks for reading xx

  24. Haha BRILLIANT! And this is why holidays are no longer holidays when you’re a parent. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely and giving me a big old chuckle xx

  25. The description of the bathroom extractor fan and the fan were spot on! We’ve had a few nights like this on holiday and isn’t it depressing when you’ve had next to no sleep and you reach the point that CBeebies wakes up? And why do children suddenly appear creepily at the side of the bed and just stare at you saying nothing? So freaky! Hope you managed to get a little more sleep the next night! #ablogginggoodtime

    1. That CBeebies repetitive loop is not my friend I can tell you, although it reaches the point where you’re actually grateful for it when you’ve been awake since unearthly o’clock! ? Thanks for commenting Louise xx

  26. Ha ha Dawn…please tell me you had a good holiday! Are you cursed? I still haven’t forgotten your Llama trip!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub, and reminding me to GO TO BED! x

    1. We had a brill holiday thank you lovely. (There is even a blog to prove it and to remind myself that we did indeed manage to pull off a great holiday with tots haha). Unfortunately I haven’t forgotten the llama drama either *shudders*. I think we just need to learn that no good can come from one night anywhere with tiny children. By the second night they seem to be knackered enough to sleep anywhere so normal service is resumed! 😉 Thanks for commenting and hosting lovely xx

  27. Brilliant! I hate it when they appear asleep but the second you try to change anything, move or leave, they’re up crying! & WHY are hotel rooms so dark?? I hate it! #coolmumclub

  28. Haha I remember reading this post when you first published it and I love it as much now as I did then. I never want to sleep in a hotel room with my kids again, no one actually sleeps do they?! COngratulations hun, this post was linked up to #BlogCrush as someone’s favourite xx

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