Four years I’ve been parenting. FOUR SODDING YEARS!!
That’s three billion nappies, plus sick snot and tears.
But today was a day like you wouldn’t believe.
As the hubby and I took some parental leave!
The Tots go to nursery one day a week,
While I trot into work (Yes. Just ONE day a week.)
But on this day *she whispers and stifles a cough*
The two of us sneakily… took the day off!
We set our alarms and got ready for “work”
and we waved them both off with a secretive smirk.
This day would be ours full of frolics and fun.
With a squeak of excitement our day had begun!
Now we weren’t all that sure what the hell we should do.
Short of bellowing “FREEEEDOOOMM!!!” with face painted blue?
Should we skip down the street with the wind in our hair?
Whilst scattering raisins and wipes in the air?
But with no better plan we both settled on food,
So we set off for brunch in a fabulous mood.
We sat at a table, and nobody screeched.
Not a drink was knocked over, no salt pot was reached.
Our food was enjoyed both in peace and whilst hot,
No-one cried over mushrooms, or passed me their snot.
Then we paid and we left, as the normal types do.
No-one had to return to retrieve a lost shoe.
And we calmly suggested (with no actual fear)
That perhaps we might fancy a browse round Ikea?
So into the shop we both casually strolled,
Clearly drunk on the freedom and feeling quite bold.
And a basket was purchased, you know, just because,
Yet our blood pressure stayed just the same as it was?
Not a singular ÖNSKAD was dragged off a shelf?
An entire pack of Daim was consumed by myself.
Not a mild “screeching plank” or a vague hissy fit?
And no-one did swearing or misplaced their sh**?
And whilst riding this almondy chocolaty high,
We thought that a film might be pleasant to try?
So into the cinema, hub and I went,
And unspeakable money on popcorn was spent.
We sat for a film, in the dark, before noon,
Not a Minion to sniff at. Not even cartoon?
And the singular soundtrack was that from the screen?
No-one called me a bean-head or said I was mean.
For three blissful hours I had nothing to do,
So I sat very still and admired the view
The film was a hit – it was truly superb
There was no-one to nag me or whinge or disturb.
As I pulled on my coat, and got ready to go,
We peered at the sky – it had started to snow.
The damp car-park loomed and the frosty wind cried,
We were cosy, relaxed and so peaceful inside?
“We still have three hours!” We observed with a cheer.
“Let’s pick a new movie and just stay right here!”
So we purchased more crap with a crazed geeky grin,
Climbed back in our seats and we both snuggled in!
Three more lovely hours to just sit and stare,
Not a singular stress or a parental care.
And we left, two films down, feeling charged and replete,
With new life in our souls and a spring in our feet.
After 10 blissful hours, in peace, on our own,
We were ready to fetch them to check if they’d grown.
And despite the distinct lack of snot puke and sh**
We both kind of admitted – we’d missed them a bit.
And I suddenly felt overwhelmed by one wish,
To scoop up my babies and give them a squish!
So we drove to collect them and knocked on the door,
Just a teeny bit keener than ever before.
As they rushed up to greet us we felt a bit bad,
They were both so excited to see Mum and Dad.
With four arms reaching out and two hugs full of tears….
…Our next day gone awol, can wait four more years.
*Disclaimer: No actual sickies were thrown in the above day of skiving. We took holidays. Because quite frankly we’re just not that bad-ass!
This post first featured on the Meet Other Mums Blog page where I am proud to appear as a regular blogger.