Humour · Rhyme

My scales are clearly broken.

I waddled to the scales this morning.
Eyes half shut I climbed on, yawning.

The numbers climbed extremely high.
I really can’t imagine why?

In fact it gave me quite a scare
To see such numbers flashing there.

Perhaps, as far as I can tell.
A hippo had climbed on as well?

It left me feeling quite perplexed
And more than just a little vexed.

But I found the answer in the bins…
A hoard of empty chocolate tins!!??

So SOMEBODY (it wasn’t me).
Has stuffed me full of cake you see.

I feel quite like a jersey cow
And so I must take action now!

Bring out the workout DVD!
It’s lettuce peas and rice for tea!

But look ..
A lone mince pie…
The sorrow…

Maybe I’ll just start tomorrow… ;0)


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49 thoughts on “My scales are clearly broken.

  1. I’ve hidden my scales, so I don’t do anything silly like actually weigh myself. In my head I am the perfect wright and completely justified in eating all the leftover Xmas choccys. #Marvmondays

  2. Haha! I’m sure that is why I make so many mince pies! I can’t possibly do anything other than continue to eat them in Jan. Nothing worse than wasting food 😉 #MarvMondays

  3. Argh I totally feel you on this one. I seem to have become weirdly misshapen since having a baby. I was convinced I had put on loads of weight over Xmas and the scales said no (I think they are broken) but my stomach is so huge someone asked me if I was pregnant the other day. Chance would be a fine thing. It seems that all the Xmas excesses are concentrated in that one area. Bleurgh!

    1. Mine too! I am currently quite a bit lighter than my standard pre baby / post Christmas weight, but I feel enormous. It’s as though the space left by my tots has just filled back up but with mince pies this time? Gah! At least I’m in good company 🙂 x

    1. Well now that would depend what the numbers say. If they are rather low then I would say that there is nothing at all wrong with your scales. If they are a bit high then yes. Definitely broken. 🙂

      Thank you hon x

  4. Oh dear, I feel way too at one with every sentiment in today’s rhyme!!! I’ll be plonking myself on the scales tonight before mission healthy mum starts in earnest tomorrow. The twin mummy tummy has been around for too long. Thanks 🙂

    1. Ooh you’re a brave lady! I never get weighed on a night. First thing in the morning, before food but after I’ve had a wee. Remove all jewellery, breath out and hope for the best haha. Good luck lovely and thanks for reading 🙂 x

  5. Hehe!!! I’ve been living on a diet of steamed veg, fish, and fruit for the last week-it’s boooooring already!! And the headaches!!!! I think it’s the wine withdrawal…!! I hope the scales soon become mended now Christmas is over!!

    1. Well done you! I’d like to say I’ve been so dedicated but I would be lying. I have however stopped stuffing chocolate into my face and just randomly snacking on cheese. Every little helps and all that. Might not be enough to mend my scales though. Meh. Hope the wine withdrawal doesn’t do any permanent damage hehe. Good luck and good on you! X

  6. Hahaha, that’s me too!! Brilliantly funny! Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything…PS but now I know we can bond over eating cake and smashing scales.

  7. #fridayfrolics I KNEW IT! It is like looking in a mirror! And one of those ones that are not accurate! You look fabulously minute to me! #mumlove xx

    1. I wish dry January would do that for me, but see actually *whispers* … This rhyming wino actually barely drinks any more since having the tots. I probably only had half a dozen drinks over the whole month? I seem to have accomplished the entire weight gain thing by cake alone. Quite impressive really? ;0)

      Thank you for hosting Emily x

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