Humour · Rhyme

“No cake for me thanks!” Said no mum ever.

Despite best endeavors there’s always one thing,
that gets in the way of my quest to be thin.

I’m a picture of health ’til I make the mistake. …
Of going to places that proudly serve CAKE!

At soft play and play dates I ask for a tea…
And there it is…
Flashing it’s yumness at me!!

Enticed by the icing and buttery stuff,
once I give in I just can’t get enough!

I’ll find myself fancying something quite nice,
as I give The Tots raisins and cakes made of rice.

And so to the kitchen I stealthily sneak…
To forage for something to stuff in my beak.

I’ll shove in a biscuit as fast as I can,
then try not to talk with my mouth full of jam.

I shrug off Miss Tot and her suspicious stare.
(Mostly because I just don’t want to share!)

But my guilt is quite clear – it’s the downfall of mums.
I’m given away by a face full of crumbs!

Though all of this cake makes my waist start to groan.
(I only walk past one and put on a stone).

I know that I’ll always be just a bit fat,
While ever there’s cake in the world, and that’s that.

But next month it’s Christmas so really I should,
Cut back in November to try and be good.

I’m telling myself that I ought to save space,
December I’ll mostly be stuffing my face!

To limit the damage I need to act now,
or finish the year looking like a small cow!?

But now as the days become gloomy and dim,
the lure of the coffee shop beckons me in….

With mince pies and ginger and festive delights,
displayed innocently with twinkly lights.

And all of my willpower flutters away,
As I reason
“I’ll just have one piece.  Just today.”

Let all of the sumptuous cakes come to me …
….I’ll worry about it in January!

My huge reindeer jumper should cover my bum?

    I figure I’ve earned it this year.

I’m a mum!!

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93 thoughts on ““No cake for me thanks!” Said no mum ever.

  1. Now you know how much I love your posts, but I’m afraid I have to disagree with you on this occasion…being the gluten freak that I am, I have no choice but to resist cake!!

    But gluten free cake…well that’s another matter!! 😉 Fab post as always! Xxx

    1. Haha I am gluten free too so no cake for me either!! I discovered some amazing gluten free Belgian chocolate tiffin recently though and have somehow devoured a whole box in two days!! When you have kids….you NEED cake!!!! #justanotherlinky xx

          1. You were at Center Parcs? And that’s all you ate?? Goodness me!? You my friend, deserve a medal! :0) We go soon and I just know that I won’t be able to walk past the bakery…. Hope you had a lovely time. Which one did you visit? X

          2. Haha!! Only because I can’t eat any of it!! I did have a Banoffee Pie pancake for breakfast on Sunday though! We did have a lovely time thank you, we were at Elvedon 🙂

  2. Your amazing post has got to be the funniest thing I have read this year! You are so talented 🙂 My mum is going to LOVE this…… and now I can’t stop thinking of cake x

    1. Thank you very much for the shout out! Loving your other recommendations too. Sending hugs… and cake. x

      Ps – I love your “all baked goods are free on a weekend rule.” Definitely works for me! X

  3. Ok, you must have spent the day with me because this is what I think about all the time. Everyday is “Shall I” or “Shall I not”…LOL…Loved it as much as Cake. #justanotherlinky

  4. Love it! I can so relate to this, especially the bit about cutting down in November….. which hasn’t gone to plan for me either!! ? Wonderful piece. ? #justanotherlinky

    1. Thank you. I keep telling myself “well there’s still a couple of weeks… but then we’re going out for that, ooh and then there’s that cake…. ” It just is not happening!!

      Thank you, and do you know what… let’s just eat cake! It tastes nice! ???

  5. loving the idea of the huge jumper to cover up all my guilty cake eating moments, but it’s Summertime over here, so not the weather for hiding anything, so sad. I want more cake! #justanotherlinky

  6. Oh yes! This is me. LOVE cake. Almost miss being pregnant as it gave me an excuse to have cake at least two times a day. yum. Loving the new look! Almost didn’t recognize you x

    Thanks again for linking to #fartglitter xxx

  7. Glad to see there’s someone out there who loves cake just as much as I do!

    Last night, I opened a bag of candy and shoved a piece in my mouth JUST as my toddler ran into the kitchen to investigate. Busted. Although I wasn’t caught with a mouthful of cake, I can completely relate to this hilarious poem! #mg

  8. This sounds like me(if I was any good as poetry that is)! 😛 Who can say no to cake indeed? I’m currently trying to lose a bit of weight for my sister’s wedding and it’s proving harder than I thought it would be, given the proliferation of cake and cupcakes everywhere I go! I tell you the world is conspiring against us mommies 😛

    1. It’s just a constant battle isn’t it? Even harder at this time of year too – and with a wedding outfit to aim for…. Hmmm very tricky! I feel your pain.

      Any chance of you getting away with a reindeer jumper as your wedding outfit? ;0) xx

      1. Hahaha! I wish :p What if I told you I’m from Pakistan and Pakistani culture expects me to fit back into my own wedding dress for my sisters wedding? Yup we re-wear our wedding dresses, which is great in theory, but fitting into my size zero wedding dress with my post-baby hips? Right…

        1. I half love this! (Who wouldn’t want the chance to wear your wedding dress again? Mine has been screwed up in the attic since a week post wedding….) Oh but the idea of actually fitting into it?? Post baby?? Goodness me. That is a challenge! In fact the only thing that would help me get over the worry would be erm. Well probably some cake. Oh dear…. Good luck! Xx

  9. Lovely lovely post! I’m the same, trying to loose weight in November so I can stuffed my face by December, lol. #mg

  10. I want cake for breakfast. Oh we have non in arghhhhhhhhh

    Thankfully meeting up with my Mummy friends later today for coffee. Nothing tastes better than guilty cake. Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst x


  11. Of course, I loved this like I always do! But, I will admit to (ssshhhhhhhh) not liking cake…. I know to most people this makes me some kind of freak mum, but I just can’t do sugar! It makes me feel sick! My biggest vices are cheese and houmous, so I’m well on board with a rhyme which talks about the panic you feel when you go to the fridge and theres no houmous in it, or constantly having to avoid those delicious cheese filled croissants at coffee shops! I hope you don’t unfollow me for this?!

    1. *sits down and takes deep breaths*

      Right. OK. I’ve thought it through and I think we can still be friends. After all, there is such a thing as cheesecake? ;0)

      I actually wish I felt the same way about sugar but I love the stuff. And cheese. And houmous. Oops. xx

  12. Haha, this is fantastic. You are fab and ever-so-talented at poetry, you deserve a huge piece of cake for that reason alone!! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. xo

  13. Pingback: My scales are clearly broken. | Rhyming with Wine…

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