You know that mum that stands in line at school quite perfectly?
The one that’s there in loads of time? Yeah that one:
That’s not me!
I try my best each single day to make it there with ease.
I’m out of bed at 6am precisely thank-you-please!?
I start each day composed and calm and perky – like Snow White,
Make Weetabix or Porridge, sing with blue-birds, all that shizzle.
But somehow inexplicably, the hands jump on the clock!?
It leaps from 6 to 8.15 and sends me into shock!
Of course this is a cue for frantic shouting, and much panic,
The sudden need to motivate the tots tips into manic.
I chase them both back up the stairs whilst yelling “Brush your teeth!”
One bounces on her bed a bit.
The other hides beneath. *rolls eyes*
Toothpaste is deployed in what has now become a race.
The Boy gets bored with brushing and applies it to his face.
“Uniform on now!” I yell, directed at The Girl.
Miss Tot however’s busy with a sudden need to “twirl”.
The Boy’s PJs are off but now before we can resume,
He’s off completing naked laps? Ten times around the room!
I answer fifteen questions whilst I try not to get stressed.
Each answer punctuated with a full stop of “GET DRESSED!!”
“I’m not sure which would win between a hippo and a cow?”
“Yes. Get dressed.”
“No. Get dressed.”
“Maybe. Get dressed NOW!“
Then down the stairs, the door’s in sight!
….The small one needs a Poo!
Then suddenly he’s STARVING!
Then he loses his left shoe…
…So close and yet so far away, that post-run cup of tea!
Once more all chance of “early” slips away elusively.
So here’s to you late mummas as we slide in through the gate,
We parents who are doomed to be perpetually late.
We mummas who acknowledge with a knowing sideways glance,
We’ve made it in one piece, although perhaps a bit by chance.
You proudly punctual parents.
I’m not sure we can be friends.
Unless of course you’re sharing cake?
In which case… It depends. 😉