Humour · Motherhood · Rhyme


Image shows the word "Pretrend" and a dictionary style explanation.

A subtle change has happened, since I morphed into a mum.
And sometimes I don’t recognise the woman I’ve become?

I half suspect I’m past it now, and question it a lot,
And wonder if I’ve got “it” still?
Concluding – I have not.

For instance, not too long ago..
I uttered “bants” at work.
My twenty something colleague thus assumed I’d gone berserk.

I wandered into New Look for a voucher for my niece,
Then rushed back out before the staff could call the style police.

I’m sure I once did have “it”, way back in the olden days?
I ponder this whilst checking out some new fandangled craze.

I’ve strutted into ‘nightclubs’ and I’ve thrown my greatest moves,
Considered chugging Jager-bombs whilst twerking with the ‘youves’!

Image shows a pair of ridiculously high stiletto shoes still in the box.
As if humans actually wear these? I own them. That will have to do. *puts them back in the box*.

I ought to just accept that I no longer am on trend,
But in my head I’m still eighteen, and so I just pretend.

But even just the thought of it now makes me need a snooze,
And truthfully I’d rather be at home in comfy shoes.

The concept of a hangover just makes me want to cry.
I didn’t even notice that my January was dry?

I’ll sit in garden centres with a coffee and a scone,
Then just to keep things current I’ll do Insta on my phone.

I’m “down” with Social Media and almost speak Snapchat
Though when it comes to twitter I’m a bit more of a *whispers*… tw@t?

I’m quite on board with Hygge but that too is kind of fake,
And not because I’m with it, but because I quite like cake.

Image shows a burning candle, a "Hygge" book and a mug of frothy coffee.

I love a Yankee Candle just to help create a mood,
I’ve had a bash at quinoa and I’ve spiralised some food.

Though non-fat soy chai lattes I’m afraid are not for me.
I’d rather have a hob nob and a lovely cup of tea.

But working in the city is an urban trending race.
I chase it in stilettos and just end up on my face.

I try to get my diva on and clutch my travel cup,
Whilst wading through commuters and attempting to keep up.

It’s such a huge transition from the person I’ve become,
The boo-boo kissing, bottom wiping, snug and frumpy mum.

My offspring as a rule are rather tricky to impress,
As far as being ‘with it’ goes, my two could not care less.

And so I don’t know why I try to cling on to my past,
But sadly all these fudging years fly by so fudging fast!

I figure it’s an age thing so I’ll carry on #pretrending,

My quest to still be with “it” shall alas be never ending!

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This post originally featured on the fabulous Meet Other Mums blog page, for whom I am proud to be a regular blogger.

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95 thoughts on “#pretrending

  1. *spits tea out* Brillaint! I return to work in three weeks and have many of these pretrending hurdles to overcome… not least the fudging wardrobe!!! Eugh. Thank you for making me laugh at my soon to be self!! X

  2. Dawn, I bloody LOVE this. This is like me, every single day. My older kids have given up on me and best of all, they look at me with that “look” and say “Do you even know what that means, Mom?”

  3. Those shoes are gorgeous! However, the thought of walking on something that high for longer than 5 minutes is scary. And I use to live in heels before babies. ? But keep them and dream of being “it”. #dreamteam

  4. Lol another brilliant post – I need to give up the ghost and stop trying to wear clothes that just don’t fit properly anymore and kidding myself that I’m really enjoying the big Saturday nights out with the girls that I’m lucky enough to escape to now and again – it’s lovely to see them but I’d much rather be in a quiet pub having a nice meal and a chat than in an incredibly noisy bar filled with scarily young people doing shots! #DreamTeam

  5. Just popping back over from #DreamTeam. I’m still only halfway through my Hygge book after all this time!! I definitely haven’t got ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ is…! xxx

    1. Oh thanks Nige! Sorry about the tea. Now tell me – is it green tea extract with a hint of ginger though? If so I’m not sure we can be friends any more. I’m not cool enough for anything beyond PG Tips! ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

  6. Love this!
    In my head Iโ€™m still 18 too but in reality, even though I still go on the occasional night out, I definitely donโ€™t drink as much and Iโ€™ve swapped heels for flats lol #DreamTeam

  7. Eeek I think I am heading this way. Having been out of “cool” (do people even use that phrase anymore??) circles for so long, I’m desperately out of touch. Hubby manages a team at work that employ quite a few work placement students so he sometimes use the lingo at home and I have no idea what he’s on about! Haha #dreamteam

    1. I actually had my own moment of clarity last week at work. I jokily called one of my (admittedly somewhat younger) lovely male colleagues my “work huband”. I meant it affectionately. I like to think we’re good friends at work… He responded with a heartfelt smile and the words “work son maybe?”. #mortfied #iamofficiallyold #imnowthemotherfigureoftheworkplace ?? x

  8. Ha ha good one. Pretending is. Good tactic to me. Let’s do whatever we need to. This motherhood lark is a funny one eh. I’ve been selling my fancy heels on eBay as they’ve been too neglected!!! #dreamteam

    1. I find it’s always good to keep just one pair though. Just for proof that you do still have “it”. Or at least that cardboard box in your wardrobe does? I’m with you though. Sell the rest and buy some comfy fitflops instead! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you Sunita x

  9. <3 tea and a scone sounds like a dream to me compared to a night out ๐Ÿ˜‰ I think it helps if you never aim to be 'with it' in the first place. Then you can't suddenly be 'without it'! x #DreamTeam

  10. Oh how things change. So many of these lines make sense, especially *hangs head in shame* the hangover and I looked at myself and thought I’m wearing things I never thought I would but they’re comfortable! *Did I just say the C word?* #DreamTeam

  11. This is brilliant Dawn. Iโ€™m with you on the hangovers and wouldnโ€™t dare enter New Look without a teenager in tow! Great poem the perfect insight into ageing gracefully ?

  12. You are so ridiculously talented Dawn! Every one just gets better!
    Loved this – and shall I tell you a secret? I feel like it too!!! #DreamTeam

  13. Brilliant Dawn!
    In the garden centre with a scone and a cup of tea!! Why is that the only bloody thing they sell at garden centres? Made me laugh out loud! Thank you!

  14. I think we all pretend at some stage and the fact is parenting changes you whether you want or or not. Never would I have imagined I would get so excited about removing a piece of snot from a child’s nose, lol X #dreamteam

  15. Oh I have all of these feels too! Who even am I? How am I meant to behave now? Who am I kidding?! Most favourite line has to be this “Iโ€™ll sit in garden centres with a coffee and a scone, Then just to keep things current Iโ€™ll do Insta on my phone.” Truly inspired! I think there’s a few of us in this club, thankfully! #DreamTeam

  16. Thereโ€™s nothing wrong with having a new โ€œmomโ€ personality. Becoming a parent changes all of us, and thatโ€™s just ok!!

  17. You just summed up my life in one gorgeously funny poem. I try and fail to be as cool as my younger sisters – but unfortunately being ‘hip’ (I think that’s the wrong word) just alludes me! #dreamteam

  18. Oh my gosh I love this! My favourite line is “I didn’t even notice that my January was dry”…made me laugh out loud…never a truer word said. Thanks for writing this poem! #dreamteam

    1. It was my hairdresser that alerted me to the fact. She was getting all giddy because she only had 4 sleeps left until she could have a drink. I did that thing when I tried to remember when I might have last had one… and couldn’t! Thanks so much Nat! x

    1. Oh thank you Becky! I’m quite a fun of “fudge” although any time now my eldest is going to start shouting “What the fudge!?” … and I will have absolutely no idea who she’s picked it up from! ?? xx

  19. Brilliant! I can relate, I think I may have lost my cool somewhere along the way! Oh and I have a yankee candle obsession, I have just counted and I have ten of them in the living room alone – whoops! x #DreamTeam

  20. Hahah I am totally a pretender too!! With a 13 year old I try to keep up with the latest trends and lingo (still don’t get what bae means!!) but I’m faking it all the way! I’m happy to accept that at 37, I’m past it….until I’ve had a bottle of wine and then I’m 18 again!! #dreamteam

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