family · Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

Quest To The Front Door…

Image shows The Boy stood in front of the door looking up at the handle.

​An epic tale I share, one which may haunt forever more.

A perilous, fraught journey to the realms of “The Front Door”.

You’d think that two kids down now I’d be somewhat more prepared?
Or had at least the decency to feel a fraction scared?

But no. As wild and cocky as a stupid mum can be,
“Let’s all just nip to *somewhere*”
Was the sentence.
Said by me.

It started just like any day.  The kids were aptly dressed.
They headed to the stairs with glee,
My smug face was impressed!

At this point in my story I should maybe add a point,
The layout of our townhouse is a smidgen out of joint.

The kitchen and the living room are up on the first floor,
The ground floor is for GOING OUT.
That’s really all it’s for.

There’s not a great deal down there but a plethora of shoes,
The garage and utility and stuff we never use.

So once they enter “Groundfloorland” the only way is out.
It’s quite a stressful region and it often makes me shout.

But off we ventured merrily, our happy tribe of three,
All ready for adventure, Master Tot, Miss Tot and me.

The Girl bounced down the stairs with very little care or woe,
So just The Boy to work on then, one down and one to go.

When suddenly the stairs somehow committed such a crime,
That meant they must be bounced upon.
With force.
One at a time.

I duly did my duty and stood by to hold his hand,
Whilst leaving Girl and Groundfloorland parentally unmanned.

I issued clear instructions: “Put your boots on please” I said.
But not one for conforming she put flip flops on instead.

Meanwhile, we’re half way down now when The Boy decides to stop.
I went to pick him up which lead to one almighty strop!

I dragged the “planking” offspring down and plonked him on the floor,
He wildly scrambled back upstairs to bounce on them once more.

The Girl meanwhile protested that her flip flops were just fine!
And totally appropriate for deep mid-wintertime.

With boots cajoled upon her she accepted her defeat,
And dragged them on ensuring they were each on the wrong feet.

The Boy had finished bouncing and was tearing round the hall,
Which isn’t fit for tearing as it’s really very small.

He found a pair of wellies which he modelled with great pride,
All coated thick in outdoor sludge,
Which made a trail inside!

I dashed to grab the vacuum and instructed them: “Sit there!”
They slouched across begrudgingly and sat upon the stair.

The Big One tried to vacuum but alas no mud was left.
She burst into a hissy fit, both livid and bereft.

The Boy meanwhile had somehow dropped his trousers to the knee,
Announcing with conviction that: right now he needs a wee.

I did a swear word silently.
The Girl’s a sulking mess.
The Boy was meanwhile “jumping” in a state of half undress.

To cure her vacuum envy I decided to ignore.
Whilst picking up The Boy before he peed upon the floor.

Disaster thus averted we returned to apply shoes.
Not bothering with coats as what’s the point?
They just refuse.

Despite it being January they could not give a toot.
And so with resignation I just chucked them in the boot.*

* The coats. Not the children.

At last, our quest was over and the handle could be reached,
The land of Outdoor beckoned and our boundary could be breached!

And thus we did appear, dishevelled, blinking at the sun,
Two tiny, mighty warriors plus battle-weary mum.

I sighed with sheer exhaustion and collapsed against the car.
Our Front Door destination seemed so near but yet so far?

Bewildered at how long a seven metre trip could take.
I knew not where to head to…

But I knew I needed cake!

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133 thoughts on “Quest To The Front Door…

  1. You’re scaring me! I’ve got #2 on the way and they’ll be fewer than 2yrs apart! Is this what running to the store (or “nipping”) will be like??
    But as always, hilarious and so well-written! You inspire me 🙂 …(which isn’t a good thing because poetry is simply not one of my gifts!)

    1. I’m sure it would be Jaclyn! Although I’m sorry – but yes it’s true – “nipping” will not be a skill that you’ll get much practice at for the foreseeable future. Just stay in and put the kettle on. It’s easier that way. ? Thank you for your lovely comment xx

  2. I sometimes forget and think we can ‘pop’ somewhere. IMPOSSIBLE. And exhausting – seven bags, coats, shoes, buggy, carrier etc just for the friggin’ post office!! #DreamTeam

  3. I’ve saved this all week on my Facebook and it hasn’t disappointed!! This is me. Every. Single. Time!!! Why do they do it to us?! Surely going out is more fun?! #DreamTeam

  4. Our house has the same layout… That really is all downstairs is for! Were are about to go to the shop for dinner supplies so Groundfloorland is unavoidable today! Wish me luck, I hope you got cake!

    1. I think it’s the novelty of being near the door maybe? Perhaps if we start heading downstairs an hour before and give them chance to get bored down there first they might be more cooperative at the whole getting out thing? Thanks Kat. Good to know I’m not alone x

  5. Ha! Why is going out such a struggle? My daughter flat out refuses to go out most days – and fair enough, the weather has been terrible. But it means that any time I suggest it, I have to chase her around the house with her coat and shoes while she screams. It hardly seems worth it sometimes. #dreamteam

    1. Oh yes, the chasing in circles with the coat routine. It literally makes my brain hurt! I once just got bored of it and just layed down on the floor in the hall instead. It worked as they came to investigate – just like a labrador really. ? Always good to have a trick in case of emergency. Plus you get a little rest while you do it so you know, there’s that? X

    1. I wonder if we just didn’t ask them and just let them wander out barefoot in the rain if it might encourage them to be slightly more cooperative in the whole shoe appliance thing? Worth a shot maybe? Good luck lovely and thanks x

  6. Haha completely spot on as always! This is pretty much our every day routine! And I loved your clarification that you put the coats in the boot, not the kids. So funny! #DreamTeam

  7. Well done for getting out of the door, even if it did take a while. I remember those days well. Now I have to wait for hair to straightened and make-up applied, but at least I don’t have to battle to get shoes on #DreamTeam x

  8. This has cheered me up because I have this battle with my daughter over everything now she’s 2 (and I am in fear knowing it will only get worse). The planking, the no coats, the complete opposite pair of shoes to the ones they need. Argh! Another gem here xx

  9. I dread leaving the house, especially if we have an appointment – we are always late. One of my boys wanted to wear his sandals the other day, even though it was snowing – meltdown city! #DreamTeam

  10. I love it, I have some serious writing envy you know. It’s hard enough getting out the door with one, who is in fact one and has taken to climbing the stairs as I put my shoes on. #dreamteam

  11. Oh I love your weekly rhymes!! I only have one, and I still appreciate this. Somedays I just cannot get us out the door! I have no idea why…! #DreamTeam

  12. We went to catch the bus yesterday. We were all dressed, had eaten and all there was to do was any visits to the loo (there’s always one), shoes and coats on. The bus stop isn’t 3 minutes from the house.

    “There’s a bus in 20 minutes,” the other half said.

    “Hmmm, we might make it,” says I.

    LOVED THIS POEM. #dreamteam

  13. Oh god I can so relate to this! My four are impossible to herd out of the door. By the time I’ve got one with their coat and shoes on, the others have scarpered! It takes me forever to leave the house, on the school run my youngest two are often still in their pyjamas!! #dreamteam

  14. Haha this made me chuckle! I’m quite glad now that my two are still to small to sort out themselves and us leaving the house constitutes of my chucking them into a pram or csrseat! #DreamTeam

  15. hahaha it is the hardest getting the little ones out on time, before kids we thought I take long but luckily my son changed that now, hahaha all mums of toddlers and kids feel your pain #dreamteam

  16. Hahaha! This is us too! I always want to wear the most inappropriate footwear. Yesterday it was my strawberry coloured jelly shoes with no socks – in the freezing cold and rain! Kids eh? #DreamTeam x

  17. Oh God I know this all too well! Trying to get my 3 year old out the house is a nightmare, I have to ask about a thousand times for him to get his shoes on and the coat comes straight back off the second I go for the zip. You’d think I was dragging him out to go somewhere terrible the way he complains xx #dreamteam

        1. Aw thank you so much Wendy. I would absolutely love to join you. I think it’s such a fab idea for a linky. I’m sorry I missed you this week – I work late on a Friday and it had closed when I got there. 🙁 I promise to try my best for this week. Thanks for having me. xx

  18. Hi Dawn, as brilliant as ever. It feels like an age since I enjoyed one of your rhymes (not because they are no good, but because I haven’t been over!). Getting through the front door when it’s part of the main house is a nightmare (even now). I don’t even want to imagine what it must be like having to get out of one on a different level…. Why does a planking child seem sooooo heavy? One of life’s mysteries.


    1. Hi Debbie! Aw I’ve missed you! I’m so sorry – I haven’t popped over in a while either. I seem to be chasing my tail at the moment, and how is it nearly March? Who did that? ?? I have to admit that having an entire floor dedicated to the task of going out probably doesn’t help matters. It’s like a new and unchartered territory between the rest of the house and actual outside. This is why we are currently in the process of moving! 😉 I shall pop by for a virtual cuppa and a catch up asap. Thank you lovely x

  19. Haha just so brilliant…and so true! In our house, when I tell Emma we’re getting dressed and to find her shoes, she runs around the kitchen away from and hides facing the wall in the corner. Every. Morning. Gaaah :S Thanks for hosting #dreamteam with me xxx

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