A little while ago, the lovely Talya from Motherhood: The Real Deal contacted me and sent me a link to her fantastic vlog which showed her reading a poem about what goes on inside the mind of a toddler. I watched it instantly (obvs), and once I’d got over how excited I was just to put a face to her hilarious, insightful and mind-blowing blog, I absolutely loved it! Talya has a natural flair for reading poetry and she really knows how to bring the words to life. You can therefore imagine what my reply was when she asked if I would perhaps fancy writing something for her to read!
And so, ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I give you…
The one…. The only…. Talya….
The rules according to Toddler.
(by Little Man. Aged 1 3/4.)
I sometimes have to wonder if I’m being raised by fools?
It’s hardly rocket science but they just can’t grasp the rules!
My mummy and my Daddy try their best but just don’t know,
And so I shall explain it.
Are you’re ready?
Here I go…
I think I’ll start with dinner time:
My plate – it must be RED!
Unless of course it’s windy, then it must be blue instead.
I really do like cheese though and I’m rather fond of toast.
But this in no way means I’ll be accepting cheese ON toast!
And if I’m having fun and throwing raisins on the floor,
Why do they take them off me when it’s clear I want some more?
My trousers are my favourite all day long.
‘Till 4 o’clock.
At which time I shall hate them and will strip to just one sock.
And sometimes let’s be honest, it’s just cruel that they’d deny,
Their only little boy to wear his wellies in July!
What’s so fascinating about walking in a line?
I like to chase in circles and I think that that’s just fine!
It’s common sense to me that if you take me in a bank,
I’m perfectly entitled to adopt “The Screeching Plank”.
And surely they can see my nappy’s warmer when it’s wet?
Yet when I warm a new one they get a bit upset?
Now why would any person go to bed when they are tired?
It surely must be better to be grumpy, stressed and wired?
And what is this obsession with them putting me to bed?
It has to be more practical to sleep stood up instead?
I’m quite concerned that Mummy has become a hygiene wuss.
It’s just a little toilet brush? It’s tasty?
Why the fuss?
I stick to simple words to make it clear what’s being said!
Unlike those silly grown ups spouting nonsense from their head.
I DO sense their frustration when they don’t get their own way,
And I try to understand the random noises that they say.
But it really isn’t tricky just to follow this short list.
I tell them all day long but they’re so desperate to resist?
They’ve got their own agendas and they pester all the time.
But life would be much better if they’d just abide by mine!
I can honestly say that I squeaked with excitement when I first saw Talya’s reading as I’ve never heard anyone else read one of my rhymes to me. It was quite a surreal feeling and I am so thrilled to feature on her brilliant vlog.
Thank you Talya. Sending #bloglove #bloghugs and, of course, cake!
Talya is the fabulous freelance writer & blogger at Motherhood: The Real Deal
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