Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

Sometimes…. I just can’t do it!

I’ve answered to Mum now for more than 3 years,
I’ve cherished the good times and learned from the tears.

But even at this point between me and you,
there are still certain things that I just cannot do.

Not for my life can I get through a door,
with pushchair, without a huge fuss anymore.

My shoving and wrangling is never enough.
I enter dishevelled and quite out of puff.

No end of “Vanish” or “doing my best”
Will ever get carrot stains out of a vest.

And nor (so it seems) can I clean a highchair,
there’ll always be one random raisin in there?

I can’t “Put in car seat” without “Bumping head”.
Or even “Strap in”, they just roam free instead…? (Epic fail!)

And though I keep checking as I go along,
the press studs on onesies just ALWAYS GO WRONG!?

So there.  I confess.  There are things I can’t do!
But motherhood gives me a talent or two…

I can change a tot’s nappy with minimal fuss.
(Although it’s like wrestling a wild octopus.)

With perfect composure I’m totally calm
Whilst wedging my infant in place with one arm.

I can bottom the housework in less than an hour,
whilst brushing my teeth as I stand in the shower.

I can issue instructions whilst sat on the loo,
(perhaps also snaffling a biscuit or two?)

With no sporting skill I can somehow catch vomit?
For this my reactions are quick as a comet*

My make up routine is no less than pure art.
A bobble, a wipe and I’m done in a… jiffy.

I eat with one hand with a spoon in the other,
whilst dishing out food to Miss Tot and her brother.

So many skills found through being a mum,
And so much to learn in the years still to come.

But whatever my failings at least I know this…

I can make it all better with one “mummy kiss”.

Final profile pic

*Thank you to the lovely Gemma at Colley’s Wobbles for this one!  Vomit and comet? Who’d have thought it? ;0)

Linking up with…

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows



65 thoughts on “Sometimes…. I just can’t do it!

    1. You gave me the key words! I just fluffed them out a bit haha. Thank you! (I’m not sure either – would like to say that I’m learning too, but I’m mostly just a dinosoar ?)

      Thanks hunny ? xx

  1. Carrot stains are a total git aren’t they!Tinned spaghetti is a nightmare too!I’m totally imperfect too!In fact I reversed my car into someone else’s tonight – would you believe it, it turned about to be a mate of mine – maybe not anymore though 😀 xx

    1. Oops. Sounds like the kind of thing I would do. Hope you’re ok? Personally I don’t see how anyone can be held responsible for moving a car backwards. It’s just not natural? 😉 Hope your car is all mended soon xx

  2. Love your description of not being able to arrive anywhere without being dishevelled and out of breath from wrangling a stroller – that’s me to a tea! I don’t even attempt to use the bus at the moment, too embarrassed by all the clumsy fumbling :/ #justanotherlinky

    1. It just shatters any possible chance of entering anywhere gracefully doesn’t it? I also end up shoving and scrabbling about and then have to straighten my clothes and blow my fringe out if my eyes before I even say hello? So very undignified haha. Thank you for popping by. #justanotherlinky x

  3. I’ve had a few pointed comments about my highchair after I thought I had cleaned it. Also never get the baby in the car without smacking his head and always mess up the buttons. You are not alone. Love this. Always look forward to your poems on #fartglitter- thanks for linking up xxx

  4. Art and jiffy dont rhyme……… 😉
    as always I love this. I never managed to master the art of pushchair steering. As someone who regularly assists people in wheelchairs, I have to say my driving has not improved one iota. #fartglitter

      1. Coming back from #abitofeverything. Thanks for linking up my dear, Inlook forward to reading your rhymes each week xx Tracey xx

  5. Oh, I love this! I’m also useless at getting stains out of vests and there always seems to be food left somewhere in the highchair (though, it’s no longer used). The bit about catching vomit did make me laugh. It’s so true; I stick my hands out before it’s even registered with me that they’re retching!

    1. It’s a weird reflex isn’t it? If anyone else gagged near me I would run in the opposite direction, but if it’s one of my kids I put my hands out to catch it? Very odd. Thank you for popping by x

    1. Aw thank you. Well you know how there is Santa and the easter bunny and the tooth fairy? I’m thinking there must also be a raisin fairy…? Evidently she pops by about 6 x a day to our house. Bless her. ;0) x

  6. Just brilliant, nodded along in total agreement and laughed along the way too, lie totally out loud laughing! Loved it!

  7. You’ve just summed up my life in one poem!! I will never master getting my double buggy through any kind of door/entrance without making a big spectacle of myself! And we’ve just got rid of our high chair, as MA can sit in a normal chair now, and it actually had not just the obligatory raisin infestation, but mould growing in various places… I know….! But yes, a mummy kiss can solve all the worlds problems, such a miracle cure!

    1. Ooh nice! Haven’t managed to culture any mould in the highchair just yet. I have however just had to throw away my beloved changing bag when I noticed little black spots appearing all across the bottom. Shows how often I actually get to the bottom of it? I think there was possibly wildlife living down there? Meh.

      Thank you for popping by! x

  8. Another hilariously awesome poem, I love them! And I know what you mean about the high chair, it’s a never-ending stream of dried-up food, ahh. >_< Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays! Kaye xo

  9. I hear you about Vanish and Stains! I’ve graduated now to School Shirts and guess what, they’re WHITE! So yes, it’s still something I can’t DO! Haven’t tried biscuits on the loo yet … Loved it!

    1. It’s the only place I can eat them in (almost) peace and without having to share! Feel free to judge me haha. And who decided school shirts should be white? Probably the Director of Vanish…. Thank you! 🙂 x

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