family · Humour · Rhyme

The Supermarket Incident…

To all those who have ever braved a supermarket with a toddler.

We’ve generally done all our shopping online,
And up to a point it has suited us fine.

But for ACTUAL shopping there’s much to be said.
It’s nice to browse broccoli and fondle the bread.

With The Big One at playgroup my child count was one,
So I thought we could risk it?
You know… just for fun!?

So into a trolley The Small One was placed,
And he giggled as in through the car park we raced.

We would make a new game of our weekly-shop chores!
The store drew us in as we rolled through its doors.

On a Supermum mission to make this thing fun,
I pulled out a list and our game had begun!

Image shows a minion sat in a shopping trolley in a supermarket, pinching a banana with a cheeky smile.

Each item we sourced was considered a win,
As The Boy yelled at great volume “ME PUT IT INNNN!!!”

No things could be reached for from basket or shelf,
Without him demanding “ME DO IT MINESELF!!”

All products were snatched from my hands with sheer greed,
And launched into the trolley at hurtling speed!

My tiny dictator sat swinging his legs,
As I tried to distract him to sneak in some eggs.

When I slipped on what looked like a pool of shampoo.
Which some numpty had spilled and ignored? As you do!?

*tuts loudly and huffily grumbles to the boy about “smidiots” and “naughty shoppers“*

The shopping was mounting precariously,
When he boldly announced that he’d quite like a wee.

So I eyed up the trolley considering how,
Whilst the tiny loud human explained “Need wee NOW!

Speed seeking of toilets is one of life’s skills,
With my near-leaking toddler I shoved past the tills!

The deed was accomplished in less than a blink,
But he then took ten minutes to play in the sink.

Before scuttling back to the trolley we’d abandoned parked,
So more things could be launched and more orders be barked.

Back into his seat, we were all set to go…
But what was I slipping on?
Hang on…
… oh no! ?

The Boy with his launching of all of the stuff,
Had perhaps been a little excessively rough?

And the shampoo I’d blamed on a “smidiot” swine,
Had in fact been a cracked open bottle of mine!

We’d been leaving a soapy luxurious trail,
Like that of a huge Herbal Essences snail.

I cringed and returned to the scene of the crime,
Where a gaggle of staff had appeared by this time.

Who were now on their radio making a call:
“These blue paper towels are no use at all!”

So I shuffled across and I confessed his my guilt.
Relinquished the bottle from which it had spilt.

Apologies over, we retraced our route,
The Toddler now weary and fractious to boot.

As the cleaner appeared on a ride-on machine,
With around half the store now to have to get clean.

So he followed us loudly wherever we went,
Along with a soft soapy “cupuacu” scent.

The trolley was heavy.
The Toddler was bored.
A number of not-helpful tuts were ignored.

But I heaved through the shop like the new Hunger Trials.
Around all of those people that chat in the aisles.


The checkout was reached having taken its toll.
I thus parted with cash and a chunk of my soul.

We’d bought what we needed.
We’d managed just fine.

…For the sake of the store though I’ll stick to online!

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133 thoughts on “The Supermarket Incident…

  1. Dawn what are you doing to me!! I have tears of laughter- at your expence I might add!

    The shampoo snail trail, the ride on cleaner. Oh Lordy, another absolute corker.

    Thank you for cracking me up my darling!!


  2. I order my groceries online and then I show up to the store and they put them in the trunk of the car. I never have to go into the actual store. And I don’t even have a toddler to fight! #DreamTeam

  3. hahaha I have taken my toddler a few time shopping with me and it’s a nightmare…lol thanks for sharing this hilarious story with us even though I’m sure at the moment it wasn’t funny at all to you. #dreamteam

  4. Oh dear! That’s quite unfortunate. We’ve all done it though. I dropped a bottle of red wine and it went everywhere. It was really embarrassing! I just told someone and left them to it.

  5. So I thought we could risk it?
    You know… just for fun!?

    What were you thinking?! So funny. Though Herbal Essence does smell divine! Very entertaining, lovely xx #DreamTeam

  6. This has had me in stitches this morning! I absolutely dread doing the food shop with small ones in tow – it’s not possible to ‘pop’ anywhere now is it?! I do love a good whiff of Herbal Essences though…every cloud! #DreamTeam

  7. Epic! Herbal Essences Snail hahahahahahah.
    Hahahahha still laughing.
    WE do a combo of online and in-store, quite like both. This was special though teehee!

  8. Oh lovely you are a genius!! Yep this sums it all up for me too…Emma usually insists on “I HOLD IT” for every single item until she has a sack of potatoes, avocados, cheesestrings and yoghurt all in hand. Something has gotta give eh…Thank you for hosting #dreamteam with me xxx

  9. Love it! Sometimes I do this with two just for the heck of it and then remember that then I will have to buy random things to keep both quiet and let them go on the bus ride in the store at the end. We will have to do it several times so someone wins the pointless plastic toy that you will throw away when they aren’t looking! Why do we do it to ourselves! ? #DreamTeam

  10. This is fab, I rarely now attempt shopping with my 3 year old twins as they refuse the trolley and insist on putting one of everything in and I mean literally one of everything the shop sells. #DreamTeam

    1. That sounds helpful? I mean at least you won’t miss anything off your list? There’s nothing worse than getting to the checkout and finding 6 tins of cat food (when you don’t have a cat!) πŸ˜‰ Thank you x

  11. I misread this and thought it was a cracked bottle of wine! The horror!!!!! Online shopping is brilliant with small people. πŸ™‚ Saves so much stress

  12. Haha brilliant!
    ” a huge Herbal Essences snail.” = best. line. ever.
    We normally shop online too but I decided to risk a quick shop the other week and… my daughter had an accident… of the brown kind… pouring out of her shorts and all over the floor! Eeek! I don’t think I can ever show my face in Morrisons again! #dreamteam

  13. I hope you retraced your steps with a bottle of cupcau conditioner for good measure?!
    Online Dawn, every time. Even now I have a couple of child free mornings, walking round the supermarket seems such a shocking waste of good child free time!!

    I think we all saw ourselves in every line of this post – it reminded me of the time my Mum convinced me to take the kids with us to go kids party food shopping. I think she just didn’t want to babysit….she’ll be wiser next time! xx


    1. I really should have shouldn’t I? How remiss of me! ? Online all the way for us now too. I can see the logic in that party food would be a fun and exciting shop? For about 37 seconds anyway? There needs to be a giant creche at the door in my opinion. And a bar! For the wine… πŸ˜‰ xx

    1. I’m torn between those words filling me with pride and dread haha. Everything at the moment needs to be done “mineself” and I’ve learned that whatever has been done generally has to be followed up with a lot of baby wipes! ? Thanks Angela x

        1. Oh yay! Thank you so much Angela! That’s just made my day. I love the #blogcrush linky. Bless your little one too. They just want to help don’t they? They just have a habit of not being very helpful haha. Thank you again lovely xx

  14. This time 3 years ago, who would’ve thought I’d be wetting myself reading a poem about food shopping escapades?! And yet here I am! Just brilliant. #DreamTeam

  15. I may have snorted with laughter at this haha. Such an excellent wordsmith! And so very true…we try to avoid shopping with our toddler if possible. #DreamTeam

  16. This is brilliant. I love that they even got the machine out to clear the shampoo. I agree, online is definitely easier with kids. #DreamTeam

    1. I was mortified to see the chap appear on the floor sweeper machine! ? I might as well have had a hat saying “Yes it was us. We did spill all the stuff and make all the mess!” I’m still cringing now haha. Thank you x

  17. Haha this perfectly describes most of our trips to the supermarket. We’ve made it into a game now by doing the self scanning as you go round thing. Clem loves scanning things as we go which keeps her occupied. #dreamteam

  18. #dreamteam so that will be why i shop online – every time. haha my fav line is defo the dictator line. I remember when my son first got opinions and i realised i was the one encouraging it…why do we teach them to talk?

  19. As a mom of four, who have to go to the store with me, I bask in the looks from THOSE people ? My favorite comment is, “You’ve got your hands full!” with raised eyebrows. Of course, I already know my hands are full. What they can’t see is how full my heart is. I didn’t have four kids for the chaos, it was for the laughs and adventures. Besides, the supermarket would be a bore without the “grabby hands.”

  20. I’m with a few of your lovely commenters above cracking up at the ‘huge Herbal Essences snail’ line. Absolutely brilliant! I haven’t had to shop with the little one yet (plus she’s still a floppy 6 month old so I doubt there’d be much damage) but I’m still going to have this going round in my head when I do my next weekly trip! #dreamteam

  21. Brilliant πŸ™‚ Shopping with toddlers, do not miss that AT ALL πŸ™‚ My 5yo can be a bit hit or miss, but anything is better than the day she screamed the whole way round. So loudly in fact that a friend told me a story later of the ‘poor mom at Target with the crying child’… ah, yes, that would have been me! I’ll be more careful with shampoo bottles in the future though! #prose4t

  22. Hahaha! We brave the supermarket over online because I like to choose and ‘fondle the bread’! I do remember when my eldest was at the toilet training stage and doing many runs to the toilets abandoning the trolley , joys πŸ™‚

  23. Hahah brilliant Dawn! I laughed myself stupid at this one! We shop on-line for all of these reasons and more, my stress levels just can’t cope with the kids and the supermarket! #dreamteam

  24. Agh stop – this is hilarious!! How the hell do you do it? Rhyming I mean – not leaking shampoo across the supermarket hahahaha. The flow of this rhyme is just class. Time for me to go & ‘shit the shit out of it’ πŸ™‚

  25. we’re getting to the stage where Ben gets bored quite quickly in the shops but thank god Tesco does the fruit thing for kids, a banana sorts him out everytime! Plus mummy if she gets peckish too wooo #dreamteam

  26. I know I’ve read this – and shared it on BritMums round-up – but I can’t remember if I have commented. I absolutely ruddy love this – you at your brilliant best! Thank you for linking to Prose for Thought x

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