baby · Breastfeeding · Humour · Motherhood · Rhyme

Why would someone knit a boob anyway?

I recently read that the lovely Emily at My Petit Canard is hosting a series of #breastfeedingstories, to allow us to share our stories and experiences.

I was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed both of my tots, and whilst it is one of the best things I have experienced as a Mum so far, it certainly wasn’t quite the natural and pain free process that I had expected to begin with.  The stories and support of other Mums kept me going, and so I feel privileged to be able to share my story.

Of course me being me though, it had to rhyme…

 Why would someone knit a boob anyway?

You’ve read the books, and Googled it, Your midwife’s told and shown.
Your boobs are set to go!
(And need a postcode of their own).

You’ve had a “tricky” labour but the time at last has come,
Get those boobs out lovely,
It is time.
You are a Mum!

But all those fluffy baby books don’t show it quite like this?
All “Glowing Mum” with make up on?
It kind of takes the… erm…

In truth you’re on a labour ward, and still somewhat in shock.
You’re off your face on Pethidine and bleeding quite a lot.

You’ll have a dazed attempt, but then despite your best endeavour.
It’s generally your midwife that shoves “Tot” and “Tit” together.

And though it’s oh so natural and such a moving thing…
You wonder if it’s normal when your nipples start to sting?

The midwife says it shouldn’t hurt.
The latching must be wrong?
You follow their instructions and you bravely soldier on….

Your baby seems to like it with a constant need to snack?
Your poor old nips are shredded as they slowly start to crack!

And then your milk comes flooding in.
Your boobs just might explode!!
You bear each feed through gritted teeth.
Your bra’s on overload.

A flood of health professionals come knocking at your door.
Midwives with their “knitted boob”, Health visitors and more.

And desperate for some new advice, Despite once being shy,
You’ll gladly whip those bad boys out for any passer by.

You’re hassled by the “Breast Police”
All chanting “Breast is best!”
You’re swamped with guilt and hormones and so desperate just to rest.

You hold your breath and panic as your baby hits the scales,
Will a lack of weight gain be considered “Mummy fails”?

You feel less like a woman now and more a veggie patch,
With cabbage in your bra and springing leaks – you’re quite a catch! ;0)

You try to do “Expressing” but with all the best intentions,
You find electric breast pumps quite the cruelest of inventions.

You shy away from leaving home and lengthy shopping trips.
It feels bizzare in coffee shops,
Just whipping out your nips?

You try to do “covert” and shove your offspring up your top,
While baby tries to play and faff and poke and have a strop.

But then…
In just a week or two…
You find the pain has gone!
You’ve both now got the hang of it!
You’re thrilled to carry on!

You find it rather easy when she wakes at 3am,
Just pop her on a boob, and then she’s back to sleep again.

Your milk is always perfect, nice and warm and close at hand.
There’s always just the right amount,
And ready on demand.

So now with every feed you get the chance to stroke and snuggle,
Little eyes peer up at you in such a precious cuddle.

And sometimes from within that warm, contented, safe embrace,
A tiny hand will reach for you and softly touch your face.

And this for me was everything.
I cherished every feed.
I loved it that together we could meet her every need.

Which doesn’t for one minute mean I’m saying “Breast is best!”
Each Mummy knows what’s best for her so bugger all the rest!

Although…. Breastfeeding burns 500 k-cals (give or take).
Which really can’t be sniffed at when converted into CAKE!!

So thank you to the midwives and those experts in the know.
For all your help and guidance.
(And thank God for Lansinoh!!)

But as for all those baby books,
I do not hold a grudge,
Just please add for the record:

Is it easy?

Is it fudge!!

Dawn x



Linking up with…thumbnailsize


The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback

97 thoughts on “Why would someone knit a boob anyway?

    1. It is just so much harder than you can ever expect at first, but amazing if you’re lucky enough and able to stick with it. I’m so glad that I did it with my two. Thanks for reading x

  1. Fantastic and completely true. Why oh why do hv tell people it doesnt hurt if you are doing it right? It bloody does, for the first couple of werks anyway!

    1. I agree. It would save everyone a whole lot of stress and heart ache if they just made it clear from the beginning that it will hurt at first. I had more people come and look at my “latch” to see what I was doing wrong, and they all just kept saying, “well it all looks good to me”. I haven’t had anyone yet tell me that it was painless for them from day 1?
      Thank you for reading xx

  2. Hah! Brilliant! This really brought back vivid memories for me. Yes, painful to begin with and boobs exploding, never got the hang of expressing at all, but once I got the hang of it, so lovely and gorgeous to have a milky cuddle. #TheList

  3. Love this! Breastfeeding can be really hard and you’re right – no one warns you that it’s going to hurt like crazy at first. I thought there was something wrong with my latch, but it was just that my nipples weren’t used to having a small person attached to them all day! #justanotherlinky

    1. It’s just that initial “yabs of fire” phase isn’t it? People keep insisting that there must be a latch issue but like you say, a tiny human is trying to drink milk from something that has previously only had to chill out in a snuggly bra all day. It is going to take a bit of getting used to I suppose 😉 Thank you for your comment x

    1. I think the extra cake is what got me through it! Somebody just needs to tell my appetite that it is no longer acceptable to demand such quantities now that I’m no longer breastfeeding… :-/ Thanks hun xx

  4. Another amazing post! Favourite lines: it kinda takes the…., thank God for Lansinoh (seriously, is there anything else as effective? – I don’t think so!), is it fudge! Fabulous as ever – I didn’t manage as long as I wanted with both of mine but I’m so glad it did it with both. Such a bonding experience 🙂 Love as always you talented lady #justanotherlinky

    1. Aw thanks so much lovely! Such a nice comment! God yes to Lansinoh. I’ve just bought my expectant cousin some as a gift as in my opinion it is the single most important piece of kit required in a hospital bag! Thanks again ? xx

  5. Brilliant & sound advice. I was 100% bottle & never entertained the idea. Had my steriliser, bottles and powder with a month to go 🙂 #justanotherlinky lifeinthemumslane

    1. Can’t fault you at all lovely. It’s good that you knew what you wanted and stuck with it. Confident mummy = Content baby! Every mum just needs to go with what’s right for her and I’m pleased that you found the right way for you. Thanks for your comment 🙂 x

  6. Oh I loved reading this! Arrrr that knitted boob!!! Haha! I think you have summed up breastfeeding perfectly – the pros and the cons, the lows and highs. There aren’t many breastfeeding posts that are so balanced, honest and funny too. Will definitely share this with my friends xxx

    1. Hi lovely! *waves*

      Thanks so much for your comment! I think that a bit of humour definitely helps when it comes to breastfeeding. And a knitted boob. Naturally. I mean how else would we know where the baby is supposed to go?? 😉

      Thank you for sharing. Hope your friends enjoy it too. Sending virtual cake to you all.

      Dawn xx

    1. Thank you! For a second I misread your comment to say that you were expressing porridge?? Now that would be impressive haha. It’s amazing what we learn to do whilst expressing / feeding isn’t it? Excellent multi tasking lovely! :0) xx

  7. I always read breast feeding posts with mixed emotions as I was a non-intentional exclusive expresser and even thinking about trying to breast feed again give me stress palpitations but this was cute and funny xxx


    1. Thank you. I was really sad to stop in the end. I was not, however, sad to see the back of that flippin knitted boob haha. Thanks for your comment and I’m so pleased that you’ve had a good breastfeeding experience too x

  8. Love this, you have perfectly described breastfeeding. It really is sp difficult at the beginning, I assumed it would be easy because it’s so wrong was I! The pain those first few weeks took my breath away..I couldn’t have got through without lamsinoh either. Great poem xx #Fartglitter

    1. Thanks Wendy. I think it’s such a shock to the system (along with the whole labour / Motherhood thing). I expected a bit of discomfort but holy fudge did it hurt at first!? I just used to walk around the house constantly rubbing Lansinoh into my bra! Thank you for your lovely comment. I’m pleased you can relate to it too xx

  9. Oh my! I LOVED reading this rhyme! I am so interested in breastfeeding posts recently as I am wanting ot breastfeed my 3rd baby, I loved reading this.
    Thank you so much for linking up to #justanotherlinky

    1. I’m so pleased that you enjoyed it! I will keep everything crossed for you. If you want to experience it, and you can grit your teeth and get through the first couple of weeks it really is wonderful.

      Thanks for hosting x

    1. Thanks hon. It is all a bit of an enigma isn’t it? I still look at my boobs sometimes and think “Did I actually do that?” Then I notice that they look like a pair of old socks half filled with custard, and think “oh yeah, I definitely did!” 😉 x

  10. Excellently written Dawn! Breast feeding isn’t always easy to start with and it’s not for every woman, but once me, my boobs and baby knew what to do I loved it. The soft tickle of little hands, the warmth and closeness of baby and of course the not needing to worry about bottles and making up feeds made it all worth while.


    1. I totally agree. I feel very lucky that I was able to enjoy it with both of mine as I know it doesn’t work for everyone. I found it such a special experience – once I could stop gritting my teeth! 🙂

      Thank you for your lovely comment xx

  11. This gave me such a laugh. Oh how true! I have fed babies in every nook and cranny that I can think of. I whipped out the nip so many times I can’t even remember. All in the bid to be the best breastfeeding mother of the year, yet I never won the award 🙂

    1. Well how very rude? I’m sure that the award must have got lost in the post lovely! You would think that we should at least get a badge for being the best nip whippers haha. Thanks for your lovely comment x

  12. Another fabulously talented instalment! Although my milk didn’t come in with baby one, and I stopped breastfeeding baby 2 after 3 months because I didn’t like it… Controversial statement this day and age! I wish I had felt differently about it, but like you said-I went with what I wanted to do, and both of us were much happier for it! I’m sure most mummies (from what I’ve heard from my breastfeeding friends,) will identify with this!

    1. I totally agree that you are far better doing what makes you both happy. No point in making yourself do something that you don’t feel comfortable with as baby will be much happier if you’re happy in my humble opinion. Thank you for reading x

  13. Love this! I had such a tough time breastfeeding, I absolutely hated it, my baby and I were both pretty rubbish at it, I was on antibiotics for gazillions of weeks which wouldn’t allow it, I pumped and dumped during these gazillions of weeks which was sooooo mind-numbingly depressing, dull and exhausting… We need to talk more about breastfeeding – great post! #bestandworst

    1. Just the phrase “pump and dump” makes me shudder. You deserve a medal as I can’t think of anything more soul destroying for a new mum to have to do. I salute you! Thanks for your comment. I agree. We all should talk more and share our experiences.

      Dawn x

  14. Great rhyme and oh so true. I remember thinking it would be oh so easy but it hurt so bad. But as you said once you get the hang of it and you get it right (took 4 weeks with my second due to a tongue tie) it feels right. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    1. Thanks lovely. I was lucky that neither of my two struggled with a tongue tie, although my youngest contracted Group B strep and lost a scary amount of weight in his second week. Luckily he makes up for it now and eats like a baby dinosaur!

      Hope you’re having a fab holiday. Thanks for hosting xx

  15. This is my favorite by far! I am a breastfeeding advocate and this hits it right on the head. I lost it on the cabbage comment! Lol! I love how you made a mention about how each mother knows what is best. I do say breast is best, but that doesn’t mean that formula is bad. Some breastfeeding advocates are just mean about formula feeding. <3 Great read and if took me down memory lane.

    1. Thank you so much. I’m pleased you like it. I’m a breastfeeding advocate too – but only because in the end it worked out for me and I loved it! I think it is such an emotional and hormonal time for new mums and they should be free to do whatever works best for them and get 100% support in whatever that choice may be.

      Thanks again. Sending you a virtual latte x

      1. They’re in my shop 🙂 The reason behind them is because many people think it’s gross to breastfeed in public. So it’s an “in your face” or “get over it” hat. Lol

  16. This is so perfect and, as per usual, incredibly clever. Bf’ing is not the easiest thing at the beginning or near the end when it becomes baby acrobatics, but it is fun, beautiful and inexpensive!!! #passthesauce

    1. Thanks so much lovely! I definitely don’t think that it’s for the faint hearted and it doesn’t suit everyone, but I have to admit that I loved it! (After the cabbage phase anyway – I’ll never look at a savoy the same way again) 😉 Thank you for reading x

    1. Aw thank you. I’m glad it wasn’t just me that found it tough at times, but I’m sorry you struggled too! I loved it once I got through the first few weeks but it certainly wasn’t easy and it’s not for everyone! Thanks for reading x

  17. I always love reading your posts – you have such a talent! I breast fed my 4 and I think this sums it up perfectly. I love how your posts always make me smile. You are definitely good for my health! 🙂 #PasstheSauce

  18. Hi Dawn, another well written rhyme. How we choose to feed our babies is a personal choice. No Mum should feel pressurized into feeding breast feeding or formula feeding her baby and I had an army of people telling me to formula feed (apparently I didn’t have enough milk), so glad I didn’t listen though as I would have missed out on most special moments with my babies.

    I loved the night feeds, loved the fact (like you said) that it was always perfect and always ready and as for the snuffling and snuggling, just so cute.

    I can say though that a bit of honesty would have been appreciated as it certainly wasn’t a breeze to start with!


    1. There is so much well meaning advice about what we should be doing and how we should be feeding our babies isn’t there? You’re so right – it is ultimately down to each mum and their baby to work out what suits them. I loved breastfeeding (oh god yes the snuffling! So cute – it was even worth the inevitable trail of baby snot on boob), but it isn’t a walk in the park and it doesn’t suit every mum. I’m like you and could have done with a dose of reality before taking it on just to help manage my expectations. Thanks so much for commenting and sharing xx

  19. Off your boobs on pethadine and bleeding quite a lot.
    BaaaahaaaaHAAAAA. Is there a number I can dial to find out how the blooming heck it took me SO long to actually read your blog? Never a dull moment. So funny and so clever and insightful. Humour aside this is beautiful. Breastfeeding was a very mixed experience for me. I wasn’t a breastfeeding evangelist nor a bottle-pusher. Bit of both but even though I loved their little hands and faces on the boob, I didn’t cry or feel sad when I stopped breastfeeding like so many of my friends did, who literally grieved the end of the BF days. Different strokes and all that.
    (Guess what though….didn’t do the knitted boob thing in my antenatal classes…!)
    Thanks for joining #passthesauce

    1. What no knitted boob?? How did you manage without it? I thought it was a fundamental stage of pregnancy? You know, like labour?? Thanks so much for your lovely lovely comment. I’m with you as I think I must have been blogging under a rock to have not found your posts before now! I have some catching up to do! Thanks so much for hosting #passthesauce xx

  20. Summed up beautifully! If only the midwife had told me that it was ok for it to hurt at first, I constantly felt like I must be doing it wrong. #passthesauce

    1. Yep I’m with you. I had so many people ogling my boobs and all saying “looks great to me!” I was just left thinking “Well why the fudge does it hurt so much then??” If only someone had told me? Thanks for popping by and sharing lovely x

  21. As always
    Such a brilliant post
    When it comes to blogging
    I like yours most!

    Breast or bottle
    Who bloody cares?
    Just feed the little blighter
    And ignore the stares

    ’cause there’s always someone
    With something to say
    But as long as they’re nourished
    Just do it your way!

    I love that you balanced
    The good with the bad
    How you shared the ups
    And the downs that you had

    I also love
    That whilst you chose the breast
    You don’t judge us bottle-feeders;
    Whichever works is best!

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