family · Humour · Parenting · Rhyme

The Zombie Stew, The Blood and The Biscuit Tin…

This ghastly occurrence, did (Would you believe?)
Unfold on that day we call All Hallows Eve

Image shows a pumpkin with a smiley face and an autumn leaf background.

I’d decided to knock up a mean “zombie stew”,
Which has all the same stuff in as chilli! Who knew? πŸ˜‰

Now a good zombie stew contains beans, so of course
I cut open a tin and then crushed it – with force.

Which perhaps on reflection was frightfully dumb?
As the pinto bean can swiftly sliced through my thumb.

*Silent scream*
*Swear word*

I glanced at my hand. Held it over the sink,
As I took a deep breath and a moment to think.

Blood began pouring precariously,
And a chunk of my thumb wasn’t where it should be.

As a fast flow of red stuff now circled the drain,
A barrage of thoughts also circled my brain.

Just what should a fiendishly wounded mum do?
Home alone with a preschooler, only we two?

There was nobody local. Not free anyway,
So I called “Daddy Pig” – just an hour away!?

I tried not to take it too personally;
He assumed that I’d crashed the car, obviously.

But then said in the words of my own Superman,
“Don’t panic Love. I’ll get there when I can.”

So with hope of immediate rescue now gone,
I picked back up the phone and I dialled 111.

The Boy, in the meantime was watching with glee,
‘Til he realised: “Hang on, this is not about ME!?”

And he suddenly felt just a smidgen left out,
So decided to show me how well he could SHOUT!!!

With pain kicking in I began to feel sick.
I now needed help and I needed it quick!

As I sought great advice from the nurse on the phone,
The Boy became STARVING, and started to moan.

His hunger was instant, and curiously
Needed urgently tending to. Apparently.

And so with his mum somewhat preoccupied,
He put forth his demands.
Which could NOT be denied.

I want a Ice-wowwy!” He swiftly declared.
Whilst I whined at the help line and frantically glared.

…And so it continued.
Down those awkward tracks.
With The Boy sat there randomly calling out snacks.

Now thankfully Hubby arrived at great speed,
Having summoned assistance from some noble steed a taxi.

He raced up the drive and burst in through the door.
(By this point I was shaky and sat on the floor.)

The Boy turned and glanced, not entirely relieved?
…His face from the biscuit tin slowly retrieved.

And away I was whisked to attend A&E,
With The Boy tagging on somewhat reluctantly…

Image shows a bandage neatly folded up with a silver clip securing it in place.

I’m now back in one piece.
I survived the ordeal.
Having learned a few valuable lessons I feel:

Number one: When attempting to make zombie stew,
It is best not to add any small bits of you.

Number two: Actual blood is a touch O.T.T.
No Halloween points for authenticity.

Number three: Whether injured through cut, bump or fall,
My three-year old frankly is no use at all!

My needs shall be trumped by his need to be fed.
His disaster response is entirely cake-led.

He’s not good at first aid and won’t call 999.

But he’ll pass me a biscuit.

…That boy is so mine! πŸ˜€

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77 thoughts on “The Zombie Stew, The Blood and The Biscuit Tin…

  1. Sorry couldn’t contain myself and had a bit of a giggle. Shame hope all is ok and that you are healing. Yip in pain and suffering we will still be mommies on call and will put our kids needs before our own. #DreamTeam

  2. Your poor thumb! Can I just admit though that I’ve been known to take people to the hospital just to eat in the cafeteria?!!! Ours has the most delicious food. Hubster even accused me of plotting with my organs to require two surgeries just so I could snack on new food. I didn’t actually plot that, but he knows me well enough to wonder!

    The rhyme was fantastic!!! #DreamTeam

  3. You are awesome! I come back reading these poems after poems of yours and they always put a smile on my face! Love it, although I’m sorry you hurt yourself! #DreamTeam

  4. Wow what a thing to happen! I’ve done something similar trying to get the seed out of an avocado with a knife. I was luck and in hindsight felt stupid. Glad you’re okay. #DreamTeam

    1. Oh no bless you! You hear these tales about toddlers performing heroic feats and calling 999 etc don’t you? Not mine obvs. Mine was too busy stuffing his face with all the stuff I’d usually say no to! ? Hope you were ok though. That must have been really scary. Xx

  5. Haha! Dawn, this is such a chuckle… though of course I remember your messages and it wasn’t funny!! Hope you’re on the mend. *Snorts with laughter about the biscuits. Perhaps he was trying to keep your sugars up πŸ™‚ Thank you for bring the bestest #DreamTeam host xx

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